RSS findIndex trimsentences createcard

gridCSS

AdCode

createItems and other JavaScript code

Item Render Code


Wednesday, April 30, 2014

The Happy Video Poker Orgasm Song

Day 7 - Part 2

A good time at the Fabulous Main Street Station Hotel and Casino? Beers at the Boar Bar (or Boar’s Head Bar, which sounds better, except the whole boar is indeed there). Jacks or Better. And losing, losing, losing! So switch to catch-up mode (Boner Deluxe) and got a quad and my first scratch card!


We revelled in the incessant howling coming from a slot machine wayyy over by the buffet entrance. Boy did we revel. Over and over and over. If you’ve been around MSS you know what I’m talking about.

In any case, I lost about $100 on Jacks, and played back the Boner Deluxe quad money, and then played through another $100 at the bar. So I was really getting down there, but I’d had a couple of High Roller Golds at least. At only $100 per, plus tip, they were very special beers.

The Quad Queen got a few quads at the bar - again reinforcing the belief that actually, I never seem to win at that bar! If ever!

It was time to try some triple play over near the south wall. Nice slant tops with triple play Bonus on them, and Super Times Pay as well.

So I tried a few things and I’m playing away, minding my own business, when I’m dealt four to a Royal (for maybe the 8th time so far on the trip). And wouldn’t you know it, I got one! Totally the Royal Flusher Way, baby!

ROYAL FLUSH by ROYAL FLUSHER!
It was great! I even remembered to get a scratch card for it. I tipped the scratch card lady and I asked her about the $5000 scratch cards. She’d been around for one of the recent ones and the tip was $20. Not making any value judgements here at all. But that is so cheap. But no judgement. Each to their own. Cheap own. Live and let live though. Live and let the cheap live.
Ten times multiplier STP action.
I cashed out a little over $1000 and was a little positive for the day. Yes, it had been that bad up until that point.

Meanwhile, the Quad Queen was hitting quads like nobody’s business. She plays so fast on triple play it is frightening.
They gave QQ a nickel one by mistake - she got to keep it!
We headed back to the room to rejoice, rest and reflect for a while, and have a couple of celebration cocktails. And then it was back into the action down in the Fabulous California Hotel and Casino casino.

They seem to have put all new office chairs throughout - height adjustable swivel models. I think Norbert has the same model in front of his vanity in his Executive Washroom.

On my way to break a bill in the machines at the end of the cage, my eye spied what I was certain was a lucky slot machine - one of those Burning Sevens or whatever.

I slipped $20 in and on my last pull, I hit for $60. What burning luck! The win went in to the Cal video poker machines. We were playing Strict Rules of Parlay, $20 at a time. And really, I wasn’t getting anywhere exciting. But with the Royal behind me, I was feeling relaxed.

Mrs. Flusher, on the other hand, was getting frustrated. Even though she’d had many quads and a straight flush on triple play, and was doing okay on the day, I could still tell that the fact that I, Royal Flusher, had had both dollar and quarter royals, with her having no royals at all, was rankling.

In my gentle manner, I accused her of rankling.

“Are you rankling me?”

I got the stink eye in return.

“Rankler.”

Double stink eye with hiss lips.

“Don’t worry sweetie… your turn is coming, I just know it. Hang in there, stay focused, play your game. You’ve got this!”

After some time we became hungry. I scouted the Coffee shop.

“There’s a line-up! Let’s go!”

We had spent $250,000 coin-in getting me an Emerald card in the last year, and I was damn well going to use it to jump the line, which consisted of a family of four (with two teenagers) and elderly couple, one of them with a walker.

The hostess took us all at once, so I both got to skip the line, and didn’t have to feel guilty for skipping the line and leaving my infirm elders twisting in the wind. Double Emerald Win!
Table for two with a view of the salad bar, please!
I had the Butterfish special, which seems to be the special about 7 days out of 9 at the coffee shop. Nevertheless, it was my first foray into the world of the butterfish, and it was quite a tasty one. 

One of the things QQ really likes is that coffee shop salad bar, which she chose for dinner. She would eat her way through about 8 or 10 pounds of the bean salad alone in the coming days.

I would, in turn, sleep in the hallway.

Speaking of salad bar, why do they not sell Salad Bar Pre-mix? 

Salad Bar Pre-mix would be the same stuff as what you have left at the end of a plate of salad bar - a little of this flavor, a little of that, an olive, some cheese, dressings… all kind of mixed together. That’s the best part of the salad, so why not just sell THAT? You could have a salad bar with one vat in it full of Salad Bar Pre-mix.

I texted Jimmy Poon immediately to start working on the patent application paperwork.

In a strange wrinkle, the host at the Nugget (Mr. Submarine) had switched the Quad Queen’s offer so that she got double free play - but it would only come into effect after 4:00pm.

Well, okay. We went with it, and headed over there to do the free play. It was uneventful for the most part.

Our day would end with one more round of Triple Play. I played Super Times Pay, and the Queen went on some kind of crazy tear. She played full fucking speed turbo mode - it doesn’t even deal the cards, just flashes the cards and goes on to the next hand.

At one point, she was dealt three to a Royal and… she got a Royal on the same machine, on the same line, on the same day that I did!
Quad Queen Royal!!!

The machine did its happy video poker orgasm song as it rang up the credits. But she wasn’t done. Oh no. She kept playing that machine and hit a quad and all of a sudden it spit out a ticket without any warning.

We’d never seen this before. It spit a ticket out for like thirty some dollars. She played some more and then it spit out a ticket for $8.

We realized that it wouldn’t go over the magic $1200 value - the amount at which tax forms are triggered. Kind of cool!


QQ had 21 quads and a straight flush in two session at MSS
Today was great because we BOTH had winning days, and the Royals count had tripled for the trip!

Quad Queen +$1330 on the day, -$470 on the trip (very surmountable)
Royal Flusher +$140 on the day, +$2940 on the trip



Lucky Day Seven

Lucky day 7 in Vegas. Got up and we packed up for today was moving day. I was ready for a change and was welcoming the move to the California.

I went down and joined the Quad Queen at the bar after my packing was done - she’s always ready sooner than I am. This is because she packs the night before. It’s called preparation or something.

She’d been on a tear, see for yourself!







For a change we decided to try the buffet at the Nugget. I’d had breakfast buffet there some time ago and it wasn’t very good. They tried to fancy up everything when really, simple is best for breakfast. I’d left feeling like I’d had one of those aragula aieoli truffle oil sous vide smart ass over garnished meals, not breakfast.

Be that as it may, Flusher is intrepid, if anything. And so we found our way to the cashier and signed a chit for a couple of $12 breakfast buffets.

“I am going to have to eat $12 worth of sausage,” I reflected.

The cashier overheard me.

“That might mess you up later!” she said.

“Ow!” I replied.

“You’re gonna say ow,” added the Quad Queen.

“Okay, thanks,” I said, signing the room service chit. “I’ll let you know how it comes out.”

“Oh no. Please don’t. I’m gettin’ a visual on that I don’t need!”

Well, breakfast was great. I totally enjoyed it. They had about six kinds of sausage! And a vat of country throw-up gravy.




We competed to see who got the healthiest breakfast, and I clearly won. There was jalapeno sausage, and turkey sausage, and tater tots on my plate. There were salad-like icky things on hers.

After breakfast we had some admin to do. Like checking out of the Four Queens. They did indeed pick up all our meals at Magnolia’s and the room service. QQ got her cashback as well. $60, same as me. And two $10 match play coupons.
We made $40 on those at blackjack.

Continuing the grand admin tour, we walked over to the California and checked in, securing a Parlour Suite. Not nearly as nice as the Flush tower, but comfortable just the same. At least, it would be when they got the air conditioning working in it. Phone calls were made and the situation was rectified.

We hiked back to the Nugget and played a bit more and then went to see whoever was manning the host’s office, just off the Last Chance Keno Lounge.

We got a host at the Nugget called John. Mrs. F. insists his last name is Submarine. Yes, our host, Mr. John Submarine.

I'm pretty sure he was the guy on that TV show based at the Nugget some years ago, when those two guys owned it and flipped it. Still, I resisted blurting out, "HEY! You're that TV GUY aren't you?!"
Mr. John Submarine, our wonderful host at the Golden Nugget
We did okay at the Swollen Nuggets. Considering we dropped $222 at the Chart House and another $80 on internet to keep you loyal readers somewhat apprised of our current gambling exploits, the bill of $600 for 6 nights in a corner suite in the Flush tower is very reasonable - it could easily have been just $300.

I figure that comp was probably worth about $600 to us. Not bad for having to play short pay video poker. I think we have found a formula that works for us to have a very nice place to stay downtown.

John moved the comped nights to the Friday and Saturday, saving us quite a bit of dough, and picked up the suite upgrade charges.

Back up to the suite we went, got everything together, and left through the Rush Tower south entrance. It is very convenient to head out there and walk towards the Plaza, then turn right and head two blocks to the Cal.

Once in the Cal it’s 129 feet to the elevators, and up to the suite. Easy-peasy move, no cab needed. It’s sidewalk the whole way until you are in the Cal, so the rollin’ is easy.

The move and all the admin crap done, we headed down to the casino to break in our Boyd play on none other than…. dollar Treasure Chest Dollars at the base of the escalator.

We saddled up, ordered drinks, I slipped the CW a $5 bill and told her to keep them coming, and she did. I couldn’t get a quad and lost $160. In fact at that point on the day I was down about half of my $700 stake for the day.

The Quad Queen did hit one on Treasure Chest but picked the loser chest once again - the base amount of $140. It’s still fun cash out a ton of dollar coins though, and I wish to experience it very soon.

Lunch was simple fare at the coffee shop. No fancy-ass six kinds of sausage here, just a delicious chili cheese burger and a quad sandwich for the Club Queen.

I think they changed the burger patty at the coffee shop - this one was actually tasty!
Healthy gamblers eat right to stay sharp!
We made the pilgrimage up the escalator, along beside Aloha Specialties, past the golden cubes display for dice players with special cubes, and across the bridge to Main St. Station.

We followed a woman onto the escalator and she had a complete luggage blowout. She was loaded up with a roller suitcase, a bag on top of it, and more stuff in a bag she was carrying and struggling as the roller threatened to take a tumble.

I suavely stepped down and put a firm hand on the handle.

“I’ve got you,” I said.

I righted the bag and suavely said, “Are you changing hotels or did you just arrive to check in?”

She never answered, and we went our separate ways.

“She was probably homeless, you moron,” said the Quad Queen, astutely.

Then, it suddenly occurred to me that she might have been homeless.

I suavely felt like a dick. But hey, I helped her out so that counts for something, right?



Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Je t'aime Je t'aime

Day 6 - Part 2

The dealt Aces kicker were awesome. Very, very full of awe. And it wasn't five or ten minutes later, or maybe fifteen minutes, or maybe it wasn't seven minutes later, that I held a couple of deuces and got two more. And a four.


By the luck of Gordie Howe!
I was now actually up $301 on the day and had a new lease on life! A new wad of cash to lose away, stupidly gambling, to the casinos! O rapture!

We decided a change of pace would be good so tried a few machines at the Fremont, where the slot promotion lady was being beamed everywhere by loudspeaker.

“Another $300 dollar winner here on the Blazing Saddles slots… there’s a $100 winner… another $300 winner… AND. SHE. JUST. SAT. DOWN!!!!!”

I’ve written about this before and it’s really an amazing feat of selling nothing in particular but hype.

There was no luck for us no matter when we’d sat down and we moved on back to the Nugget.

At the bar I had a big discussion about which draught beer to have (wasn’t this the 50 beer bar or some damn thing?) and it came down to two varieties from Alaska.

The barkeep brought me samples of them both. I got talking to the guy next to me about the beers and which one was more ‘hoppy’.

All of a sudden I felt very stupid.

“IT’S BEER. Who am I kidding, it’s COLD BEER! It’s never bad!” I ordered a pint of the Alaskan blonde and it was excellent.

At this point in the day the Queen was struggling - down $600. She did get Kings twice (looking back at the pictures it is amazing how each of us got the same sets of quads twice in a row…)

At the bar, I played through $280, and had some great beer. But I had no quads for a full hour and a half. But I did have a straight flush, which were really coming easily this trip.

And there was other gambling, some of it on dollars. And for the second time in a day, I squandered a lead with stupid bad luck. Yes I did indeed blow through a lot of money after winning $801 at the bar.

For dinner, Mrs. F wanted a room service Cobb salad and I thought I’d walk down to Le Thai and get a take-out entree from the little window.

I was bitterly disappointed and learned an expensive lesson.

They are CLOSED SUNDAYS.

But all was not lost. Standing in the doorway, I got on the blower to Mrs. F and put my order in for dinner, and then turned back

The weather was perfect - high 70s, slight breeze… I loped slowly back to the Queens, and caught the beautiful tones of a fellow playing something you don’t hear live very often - a steel drum - played to a little recorded accompaniment. The song... one I hadn’t heard in years, called ‘Je T’aime, Je T'aime’.

I paused a moment and listened, realizing something special was happening. The desert breeze caressed my winter-weary skin, the setting sun graced my brow and made everything diamonds, and the sweet steel drum sang up and down Fremont with a ringing ghostly beauty. It was almost as if Las Vegas was kissing away my wounds from the last heart-breaking year.

I walked slowly by and nodded at the gap-toothed, smiling musician, throwing a few bucks in his hat.

“I like your sound.”

Waiting for the light a block away I strained to hear the rich ‘hand-crafted just for this moment’ tones… they were faint but still there. It was as if the moment didn’t want to end, and maybe in my memory it never will end.

Even though I’d struggled all day and been denied Le Thai, I felt happy.

Joining the Quad Queen up in the room, I told her of the magic that had happened on the street.

Except it came out something like this:

“Oh my Gawd, there was a guy, playing steel drums, and his teeth - they meandered like - the Great Wall of China and Le Thai was fucking closed, but he played Je T’aime and it was so perfect and I could hear him all over and, and the way the sunlight was, it was like, totally beautifulizing everything!!!! Let’s drive to L.A.!!!!”

We ate dinner - and I’d opted for their fried chicken with a side salad. It was quite good and I forgot to photograph it.

My day just kept getting chipped away after that. Lost $100 in like 5 minutes after we ate… that kind of thing.

We were checking out of the Four Queens the next day so we did our cashback. I got $60 cashback and a $10 match play coupon. Of course, I lost $20 doing the match play somehow.

We played some more at the bar at the Nugget, mostly 50 cent Bonus Deluxe. I played through another hundred. Played about 600 or 700 hands. Got lots of hands but weren't keeping anything.

It's weird how I look back and see all these winners and yet we still lost on the session. But that's the fun of it, right?
Dealt Boner Deluxe 
QQ
QQ
QQ
QQ AAAA
Double Gretzkys, Quad Howes
And I was down $500 for the second time in one day.

I went in for one more hundred. I Lazarused three times. The third time I got three of a kind. And with just two bets left I hit Jacks from three. Thank goodness for that.

I played it down to $200 even and cashed out and wrote the loss down as $400 on the day.

Back up in the Nugget suite we sat and commiserated. I thought about the steel drum guy, and the waitress that calls me Baby and my life and stuff. And I had a kind of epiphany.

“Think how lucky we are just to be doing this. People are ailing. People have troubles, people have challenges, people have mobility problems. Look at us, we can walk around, enjoy ourselves, we can do this. We can have fun, you know, we can spend money. We have all this opportunity handed to us on a silver platter. And, we can just gamble it all away!”

Quad Queen -$700 on the day, -$1800 on the trip
Royal Flusher -$400 on the day, +$2800 on the trip

Jane Birkin et Serge Gainsbourg - Je t'aime... moi non plus





Where There Are Credits...

Sunday morning in Vegas. Grab a Starbucks and perk it up at the bar with a shot of Jamie. Can I get an Amen?

Once more, at the bar, some strange drunk characters ‘entertained’ us. This time it was a couple of guys who had had a long night.

But one of them, this very short dude, was yammering on in a loud high-pitched voice - basically, he was the drunk gay Mexican Joe Pesci.

One minute it was, “No way. No way. No way. Fuck this shit. No. Fuck this shit. I know this shit and fuck this shit. I’m done with this.”

And the next minute it was, “Let’s drive to L.A. Right friggin now. Let’s go. Let’s go. Let’s drive to L.A. Let’s go to the car and let’s drive to L.A.”

The other guy would say, “Mumble mumble mumble rhubarb.”

And then, “No. Let’s drive to L.A.”

I almost wish I had been able to hear more.

On the gambling side, I put $20 in 50 cent and hit a quad. Parlayed to dollars and hit a quad. Sweet, right? Parlayed to $2 and… I screwed this up. I got cocky, I had $200 in the machine and played it into the ground in a couple of minutes. I never should have played through at $2.



QQs
I did about $1500 coin in at the bar and we both got some quads, but I walked away from there a loser of $20 and I didn’t have to.

Lame BP short pay quad

DISCIPLINE!

JOHNNY CASH!

We tried some longshot Boner Deluxe and I won… nothing. Before long I was in one hell of a hole. I felt even stupider for squandering my $200 lead.

Growing hungry, we walked down a near deserted Fremont Street to Magnolia’s at the Four Queens for breakfast and was served by the Waitress That Calls Me Baby.
Magnolia's second best Single Lonely Diner Table
Magnolia's best Single Lonely Diner Table
Our days were starting to take on an easy predictable pattern, in some sense. This is why I tell people that going to Vegas is like going to the cottage for me.

Is it any surprise that we no sooner sat down when Trina burbled, “How you doin’ baby, country fried steak and eggs with plenty of country throw-up gravy, rib eye steak and eggs medium - no medium rare, sourdough, right baby?”

I was actually going to try something different but what the heck. C.T-U.G is never wrong, it’s so damn right.

Breakfast was great as always. But afterwards Trina started talking about some concerns she had - a family health crisis. It just came rolling out of her and I guess she just needed to talk.

I got up and gave her a real big old hug and told her everything would be okay. You never know when someone needs you.

...

I was down $300 on the day at this point and the Queen was down $150.

We headed down the stairs to the casino and I said, “Okay, what’s your plan, Stan?”

“Win,” said the Quad Queen.

“Win? That’s your entire plan?”

“That’s always the plan in Vegas!

We settled on dollar Jacks.
QQ
QQ
The dollar Jacks machines ate another $200 pretty quickly. I was at that flipping point which for me is now set at $500.
One lone quad for me.
That was the point at which I felt like the day was a total loss and I would have to ration my gambling dollars to keep the losses in check.

I snuck away ‘to the Men’s room’ - which I did, and also stopped by the Slot Club to talk to Jay’s boss about a kindness he’d shown me on the last trip. I found her there and put in a good word for him.

Then I snuck over to my favorite Double Diamond reel slot and did the shameful act that we all do.

You know…

I put in $20 of the tip money, so it wouldn’t count against my losses.

On about the third pull I won $20, and then I won cherries or something and hey, I cashed out $40.

A psychological win, anyway.

I put the tipping $20 back and had $20 to spend any way I wanted. A back alley tattoo. penny candy… gambling…

Grabbing the Quad Queen, I steered her to the Palace bar and greeted the Mikes, ordered a drink, and told all about my terrible morning.

I put my lone $20 in the machine.

“I need to win back my bankroll. I need premium quads with kicker. Actually, what I need are Aces kicker. That would do it.”

We started to play. I got a couple of fulls house. I was going up, not down - a new sensation! And before I knew it, I’d nailed a quad - Jacks. Hey sweet, I had a buffer! Was there really hope?



Well, no. All of a sudden I got messages on the screen from Alien lifeforms - messages the likes I’d never seen before.
Fortunately, they were short-lived. But then they happened again - and again. And while the messages happened nobody could play.
Paging Jimmy Poon!
It was kind of weird. I wished Jimmy Poon were around to fix it, or at least, start my car remotely for me.

Now… was there really hope????

Oh yes there was. And there it was, the answer to my dreams. I saw them come up.


“FOUR ACES DEALT - LOOK!” I shrieked like a kindergartner hitting his first parlayed hard eight. And then I looked again and yes, there was the kicker with it!!!!

Held ‘em and listened to the happy video poker orgasm music.

“I said what I had to do. And I did it,” I said.

“You sure did,” said the Bar Queen. “You are so lucky this trip! I’m just getting my ass kicked over and over.”

It was true, I had had a lot of good luck and the Quad Queen was down way more than usual.

“Look at the bright side,” I said. “Between the two of us, we’re winners. Except for you.”

“Mike, look at this,” I said, waving him over. “You know what Royal Flusher says?”

“He says all kinds of crap,” said Mike, rightly.

“Royal Flusher says, ‘Where there are credits, there are hope.’