Thursday, November 24, 2016

Horseshoes or Carrots - A Split Decision







When I can't quite get my sea legs under me, especially in the Davy Jones Locker alcove at the California Casino and Hotel, I sometimes resort to advanced expert hit-and-run gambling tactics, becoming what I would call a video poker guerilla freedom fighter.

You might have a different terminology for this, though.

You might call it desperate.

I thought, well, I'll bounce around, try some things, see where the luck is. The Davy Jones Locker alcove machines didn't yield much, but the slant tops did, doubled a twenty and cashed it out. Then I took a flyer on a dollar game, and found a good one. Ran it up to $120 and instead of playing it back, I cashed it out. Ratchet up the small wins, like.

Ok, cool, so far so good.


The 50 cent BP progressive was looking good at over $2400. I put a hundred dollar bill in, with the mental steel trap intention of cashing after I'd played $20 of it. (This has never happened ever.)
BOOM - Four twos for $100
Sweet!!! Another hundred bucks profit. The Flusher Hit and Run approach was working perfectly. I cashed out.

The Gold Card is good for comped lattes at Lappert's, so I headed up there and got a 128oz latte with 9 extra shots. It comes in its own Granny cart.

I decided to cash in one of my winning tickets for twenties, so I could continue my hit and run streak - and what do I find in the machine? A whole quarter! I could tell my luck was going in the right direction, I was literally starting to find money everywhere. And after the shit luck I'd had so far this trip, it felt very, very good indeed.

What ho?! Is that a White Hot Aces machine I spy? With a very healthy, but non-taxable progressive Royal? And any set of Aces worth $300? I'm in!

I carted my coffee to the machine, wheels wobbling and squeaking. I played a while and watched the progressive nudge over the $1200 mark that would trigger paperwork if I hit the Royal. Big deal, I'd take it no matter what.

Well, that fine machine handed me a quad on a glass and light platter.

I played some more until I had an even number and cashed it out.

I felt like I had the Midas Fucking Touch. I took $5 and put it in a slot machine downstairs. The machine had 2 credits left in it. I hit a little set of bars or something and cashed out $10. Hit and run, baby!

Then I saw that cool old triple play machine that has three different progressives for each of the Royals. I noticed that they were all the same.
I thought about it and realized that the last person to get a Royal on this machine had had it dealt to them. All 3 Royal progressives then reset at $1000.

This was the game for me! I picked the Deuces game (which has a pretty good paytable) and played a few hands.

Oh shit, not again. Dealt four-to-a-Royal.

Why, why, why couldn't it just DEAL the ROYAL to me???? It clearly knew how. Why not for me???

Honestly, I didn't get too excited about it, just punched the button with a frowny stink-eye knotted up face that must have looked like I had a giant carrot up my ass or something.
This now marked 35 attempts from four-to-a-royal so far this trip. All unsuccessful.

I felt like my winning horseshoe up the butt streak and been exchanged for a losing carrot up the butt streak. Either way, my ass was sore, and I knew when to bail, for once. I headed up to the room to chill out. Yeah, I was pissed. You would be too.


After a brief respite, and a mental reset, we were ready to go down and play some more, prior to din-din.

It was weird. I played on two or three different machines, and then settled in on 50 cent Double Double  Bonus Poker. I played for half an hour on a twenty. Then I switched machines and got going again with a hundred dollar bill.

The damn machine wouldn't give up a quad! I played on, we hit the hour mark. Finally I managed one. We played on and on and I ended up playing out the string.

Over an hour and a half solid, between us we had one four-of-a-kind. Weird.

A simple dinner at the coffee shop was all we wanted. I was in the mood for another omelette, and the Poultry Princess lived it up with a turkey sandwich de luxe. The de luxe part means a trip to the salad bar! (And a trip back to the table, I suppose.)

We went back to the same machines after. I just had a feeling that I should keep hammering that machine until it did my bidding and gave me multiple quads. It had to sooner or later, right?

I put some money in, and like magic, the cocktail waitress appeared. We ordered, and I got busy.

50 cent Double Double.

And I hammered that thing. Playing and playing and playing.

By the time I'd played through $100, I'd put $3000 coin-in and didn't hit any quads. That's 1200 freaking hands!!! What was with this machine????

I checked my phone for important emails, texts, voicemails, or facebook messages.

There were none. I am not that important. But I did notice one thing - my slot club card was still in my pocket. Now how could that be???

Well, I'll tell you how that could be. I'd played $3000 coin in on Doreen Shishedo's card. Sweet Doreen had forgotten her card in the machine, and I guess when the CW showed up, I forgot to put mine in. As I played I could see the points rolling up, so I figured it was my card in there.

But it wasn't. It was Doreen's.

I hiked over to the slot club and explained my predicament. I want everything that's coming to me, and that includes 3000 points. I'll cut to the chase - the best they could do at the time was to fill out a form with all the info for someone who has magical slot club point powers to evaluate the next day and maybe do something about it.

Back at the machine, I had an epiphany which went like this: "Fuck the points, get the cash. That's what matters."

A hundred went into the machine and we went at it some more. Twenty minutes later, it was gone, there were no quads or royals, and I found that there were $700 less in my wallet than when I started the day.

It would be foolish to go another hundred. But my machine, it had to give up some quads, it just had to!!!!

So, I went for it, and before very long, four 9s showed up! YAY!!!

I had almost $200 on the meter, I could cash out now, go to bed, and take a small 'win', breaking even on this session.

Or... I could play on. A man possessed. Convinced of the clumping of quads. There'd be more.

And by the Jeez, there was more. Four sweet pointies!

Now I'd made some headway. I lamented the fact that there was no kicker.

One of the hands I love the most is Aces Kicker on 50 cent Double Double - for an even, tax free, cool $1000. This one was $400 and wasn't too shabby either.

But I do love the $1000 Aces Kicker hand.

I hit $600 and thought I should cash out. I'll be down only a couple of hundred. I stopped playing.

"You gonna cash out?" asked Mrs. F.

"You know, I just think there's more."

"Well, good luck. I've had enough." And she trundled off to beddy-byes.

I kept playing below $600 and making it back, each time thinking I should cash, and when I went below it, thinking, now it will drop and I won’t cash until $500 or worse.
Around $580, I got full house which put me over $600 again.

I played a few more hands. I was tired. Paused at $600 for about the fifth time. Should I?

Finally I thought, no there is more there.

And the very next hand, I held a couple of 8s and got the quad.

I cashed out at $700, no question. That put me a respectable -$100 on the day. Not a win, but what a relief.

RF: Day -$100 Trip -$2300
QQ: Day -$1180 Trip +$1020
Failed attempts at four-to-a-royal: RF: 35 QQ: 1

3 comments:

  1. Exciting end to your day! If you had the diamond encrusted gold card, would you also have been given a porta potty with that giant latte?

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  2. Not to be picky, but it looks like you only held two 8's there to get the last quad of the day.

    As always, thanks for the awesome trip report, keep it coming! :)

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    Replies
    1. Right you are. My notes had 3 threes held. Then I looked at the pic and it was 8s. Sometimes my notes get fuxed up. :)

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