Saturday, September 23, 2017

Dispatch: Things I Ate





There's been way too much literary genius around here. And that's just the ads!

"The secret trick Colonscopists don't wan't you to know! Do this every day for an "easy" colon!!!"

"This butt-ugly jelly fish thing cures impatience! Impudence! Softies!"

"The 401 most memorable failed pickup lines."

So I'm sitting here, listening to some sophisticated latin music (the perennial 'boy band' out of Puerto Cana, "Pudenda!" and their incredible live release "Huevos Rancheros"), thinking about the world's problems, including the lack of quality synchronized dance moves, bad video poker paytables, and seized facet joints.

Mr. Jameson is on the job, working on the facet joint issue, and Pudenda! is planning a tour of bars in South American cities on the fabled Chicklet circuit. I think it's gonna work out fine, per Ike and Tina, and more instrumentally, slide master Ry Cooder. Look it up.

Anyway, I've been spending too many hours at the computer this week so I thought it would be a good time to lay some pictures of Things I Ate on ya.

MSS buffet fried chicken was excellent every time. Why? Because I lucked out and got it fresh.



Giant Tomato invades my Burger

Could you put Hooters together with Ketchup? This is delicious, btw. (Sandwich.)(Ok, both.)

Bad. Fried as fuck Chorizo. Carbo-deadly plain tortillas. Potato pellets.

Soup, half sandwich, and salad bar. Puts you to bed at 7:30pm.

Market Street makes a mean omelette. And by mean I mean tas-tee.

Jesus fuck what a mess.


See above.

New addicted food at Market Street at the Cal. Hawaiian Hamburger Steak. OMG GOOD. TRUST ME ON THIS!!!!

Flushiepants specializes in elliptical foods.

Big fucking surprise this was a 'free' slice. Not bad actually. Pizza Lotto.

PIZZA LOTTO CAN SUCK IT. Now we're talking! Chicago Brewing Company pizza at Magnolia's.

No Vegas trip is complete without melons and country spurt-up gravy.

Redwood Grille Rib Eye. Say no more.
Johnny Rockets Double Cheeseburger and Fries, with side of Roughriders.

Free breakfast at the Air Fuck You Canada Maple Leaf Lounge. Those sausages are good in a food fight, trust me.
If you asked me what was the best meal I had?

Boy. I had the Hawaiian Hamburger Steak three times. Smothered in onion gravy, hot, delicious, it's so freaking good.

The Redwood Steakhouse serves... an awesome steak. Great crab cake too.

Unbelievably, the $12 double cheeseburger and fries from Johnny Rocket's in the MGM Green (don't worry, I'm getting to that later) was just ridiculously delicious. Fast food has no business being that tasty. Maybe I hit it on a good day, but I was having mouthgasms.

Those are my top three, and if was top four, I'd throw in the pizza from Chicago Brewing. The secret? Double cheese. And a server that calls you Sugar Baby.




1 comment:

  1. I investigated the Sky Room mystery with the Valet and a security guard on my June trip. The valet was ~50 ish, and immediately knew what I was talking about. The sad part is, his answer as to what it is now (just rooms, I think) was so pedestrian and disppointing , that I've forgotten any details of what he said. Rooms or mini-suites...... Hope that helps.

    Check the Valet/concierge (There is a little podium just left of the doors out to the garage parking.

    ReplyDelete

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