Monday, June 18, 2012

Five Hundred Ways to Say I'm Taking Your Money

For some stupid reason, after dumping my stuff in the room and grabbing a stiff drink (thank you Mrs. Flusher!), I didn't head to quarter Bonus Poker. I didn't head to dollar Jacks or Better.

I did something I never do, and headed to a slot I've had a bit of luck on, a nice dollar, two-coiner, Double Diamond slot.

And stupidly, I shoved my card in, shoved a hundred dollar bill in, and hit 'Play Max Credits'. The reels spun, the major C chord arpeggiated electronic beepy sounds beeped, and the reels stopped.

Nothing.

Giddy, I punched 'Play Max Credits' again.

Take that, casino bastards.


BOOM. $200 win. I rolled 'em a few more times and got it up to $300 even, my original hundy and $200 profit, and cashed out.

"You won!" said Mrs. F.

"It's because I'm going commando," I said.

"To the bar!!!"

We hit the King's Bar and found a couple of nice bartop machines and fired up the Double Double Bonus. Ordered some drinks. Got cracking!

For some stupid reason, I kicked off with dollar video poker. That's $5 a hand. Instead of the usual $1.25 a hand. I just wanted to hit it hard, you know? When a man gets the feeling back in his scrotum, anything seems possible!

The drinks came, the buttons pushed, and I was home, back home in sweet Vegas, ready for the adventure. There's nothing like that feeling of finally getting to your destination, hearing the buzz of the action, and having feeling back in your undercarriage. (Downside, my waist was no longer 3" but had returned to normal. Shame. I had a future in Manilla.)

We played on and drank up. And before long, I got my first quad of the trip. Strangely, Four Queens at the Four Queens. (I really should get a shirt or something for that, don't you think?)


Fremont was really hopping on a hot Saturday night. We could hear the shows outside, see some of the street performers and could hear the guys drumming away on those 5 gallon pails. Drumming. On and on. Drumming and drumming like a distant tribal warning...

"Man, those drums are creeping me out! I wish the drums would stop," said the Q.Queen.

"Oh, you don't want the drums to stop, believe me," I said.

"Why not??? What happens when the drums stop???"

I paused.

"Bass solo."

It got to be pretty late, for me anyway, and I got hungry. I cashed out with $300 profit from the bar. We hit Magnolia's and I had my usual.

Well, how could I not?

Country fried steak and eggs with plenty of steaming country throw-up gravy all over it.

Hit the hay at about quarter to five my time. I was pretty tired, considering I'd been up almost 24 hours and had nearly had my limbs severed by the two sizes too small Free Inquisition Stay-Dri Underwear.

The good news? Revenge was mine this day. I am up $500 on the trip already, and ready for an exciting tomorrow!


2 comments:

  1. Way to get 'em, Flusher. Maybe after this trip you can BUY some underwear. I too have been taken by the "Too Tight Free Underwear" scam. (Tho at first I thought it was a political movement.) Bought u-w cups you like an amorous velvet glove, free u-w makes you a candidate for the Vienna Boys' Choir.

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  2. my mother travels with old underwear and tosses them in the trash as the days go by. this I have never tried, due to the fact I usually keep wearing underwear way past the point of being sturdy enough to travel.

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