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Tuesday, March 24, 2020

This Gambling Stuff is Easy (isn't it?)

Reposted from the 2013 classic 20th Anniversary Blue Moon Cheapstravaganza trip report.

My first full day in Vegas! Sleep was fitful, as it usually is when you've had a long journey, and when there is a casino 60 seconds from your hotel room door.

I had crashed at about 1:30am (Vegas time) and woke up at 6:00am.

My Vista-like View of the Cal in the Morning
I have a confession to make - life isn't all easy fucking street and playtime for The Flusher. This trip is actually a sort of 'working vacation'.

That hip-grinding porn-stached toady Norbert scheduled a bunch of conferences with the Dodgy Belgians and Crafty Koreans that now own Royal Canadian Veeblefetzer. Jimmy Poon set up a way for me to attend these things "from home" - since they are web based and coming out of Belgium and sometimes Seoul.

Silly Norbert will never know that I'm not attending from my kitchen back in Flusherville - but it does mean that I have to be holed up in the room for fairly large chunks of time on most weekdays.

And this morning was one such morning, so I grabbed a seat at the Boar's Head Bar and got into some coffee and video poker in the hour or two I had before I had to get "online" as Jimmy Poon calls it.

I decided to get rolling with some 50 cent Jacks or Better and sure enough, hit a nice quad. That's when I realized that hitting quads on 50 cent Jacks or Better was like losing money - and I kicked it up a notch.


Squidward's Second Home
Got some really smokin' dollar play in on Boner Deluxe and hit a beauty for 400 beans.


Man, oh man, sometimes it comes easy, don't it? (Shut up, Ringo.) I played for a while to see if I could rack up another one, but it wasn't coming easy or any other way either, so I cashed out.

First day in Vegas and I'm up $300 on the day. And it's not even 8:00am yet.

'This gambling shit is easy!' I thought.

I went forth to win more and ended up losing on dollar Boner Deluxe, Slots, Quarter Boner Poker, you name it, I went through money on it. But it was okay, because I was up. See how that messes with you?

It was time to attend one of Norbert's stupid web conferences - this one was on some new grommet compound aeration techniques that are now legal in some six countries in the Pacific Rim.

A couple of hours later, it was done.

My MSS offer came with $40 in food comps which I was supposed to get from the slot club. So, I got in the elevator to head down and get them.

Another guy, curly headed fella, was in there already, and a worker guy from MSS here. He had rubber gloves on and one of those drain clog clearing 'snake' jobbies in the other hand. He was being careful not to let the snake touch anything or anyone.

And it's a good thing because the elevator was full of the stench of the sort of putrid poop-goo rot crap that a snake might encounter in one of Main Street Station's renowned Big Dipper toilets, when things have gone awry.

I couldn't wait to get out of the tiny elevator, and had almost lost my appetite for food coupons.

Anyhoo.... I picked up the comps, two x $20, not $5 coupons like they used to have. You have to use $20 at a time now. Okay, I can fade that.

Punched the elevator call button and one came, thank goodness, a different one from the trip down. The curly-headed fella from before, not the snake-wielding fella, got in with me, just before the doors closed. I nodded at him.

And then it came.

The smell.

The stench of the putrid poop-goo rot crap.

It wasn't the snake tool at all - it was the curly headed fella guy.

I tried to hold my breath and the curly-headed guy was all chatty, asking me how I was doing in the casino, where was this, had I eaten at Triple Seven. Panicking, I started pressed all the buttons I could reach.

As soon as the doors opened, I bolted - onto what turned out to be my floor.

I'm not even sure why I'm writing this up.

Actually, yes, I do know. Because it was the most interesting thing to happen for the rest of the gambling day, except when I got thrown out. But that happened later in the day.





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