Leaving Las Vegas (Again)

Today's Royal Flusher Gambling Song Of The Day Is: Sheryl Crow - Leaving Las Vegas

I had a great sleep but was kind of edgy knowing that this was my last day in Vegas - I'm booked on the red eye out of town at 11:20pm. I was edgy for a couple of reasons. One, I still haven't got Aces with kicker. Two, a winning trip with some, albeit small, Vegas Revenge is dangling in front of me. Would I have to stop gambling (horrors) to preserve the win? Three, I always - always - seem to get my ass kicked on the last day.

First stop - check the Keno tickets. Big whoop, I won $4 and played one of the sets of numbers again with the proceeds. The coldness of the machines froze my metaphoric balls once again and the non-quad trend from yesterday continued. Dumped $30 at the Cal and $40 at MSS before breakfast.

Had an okay breakfast buffet at MSS. Did you know they have a whole bin of country throw-up gravy there? I was pretty thrilled, and put it on everything, including a banana (which I saved for later).

With some time before Round 1 of my slot tournament, I went at various video poker machines in MSS, trying to get some wins. Nothing doing. I dumped a hundred in no time and ended up hanging around the tournament area.

It was killing me, being down so much already with really no playing time, and no quads to show for it. I could easily see going through the rest of my trip revenge profit at this rate, which I really did not want to do.

The slot tournament went well. I hit the top jackpot 10 times in my session and scored #1 in my group of 36 button smashing degenerates and potential granny I.S.Gs. Since I was booked to fly out, they let me queue for a spot in the next group on standby, in case anyone didn't show for their session. Well, there were 3 or 4 extra spots, so I was in and did session #2.

I really felt I had a shot at some tournament money if I could pull off a round like my first one. By the halfway point I'd had 4 top jackpots, not bad, and was on track to finish within a couple of thousand points of my 22,000 first round. If I had a stellar second half, I might even be in the top 5 for the big dough.

That's when, as they say, it went in the shitter. I got only one more top payout, and finished well short of anything close to winning with not even 16K points in round 2. I maybe - maybe - had a shot at top 50 where I'd win $50.

Slinking away, I slinked back to the room to regroup.

Before coming to Vegas, I'd done an El Cortez survey, which was good for $5 free play, and switched to their new green initiative online offer system, to do away with ecologically unsound unicorn killing paper mailings, and was supposed to get another $5 out of that.

Thank you for registering for our El Cortez Green Program.

Your offers will be available on your personalized El Cortez Offer Site.

You will no longer be receiving direct mail.

Royal Flusher
Player ID# 696969

Please enjoy $5 in Free Play.

Offer valid one time only.

*Management reserves all rights to alter/cancel this offer. To redeem you must present this coupon with photo ID to the Club Cortez. Valid one time only. This offer is non-transferable. Cannot be combined with other offers.

When I'd checked in with the slot club, they wanted to see the confirmation emails I'd been sent. They couldn't just look at my account and see that I'd done my duty.

I pulled up the emails, and the confirmations are typical geriatric El Cortez technology. They don't even include any sort of code or ID number. Any 10 year old could create these in about 7 seconds on an iPhone and still have time to pick his nose.

So I got on the phone and talked to the boothling at the slot club. I explained that I'd like to forward my emails, walk over, and get my dough. Then I explained it again.

I got put on hold and passed to another boothling.

Lather, rinse, repeat. I got put on hold and passed to yet another boothling.

Explain again the incredible fucking absurdity of receiving an email to support their green initiative and then having them require that I print the goddamned thing out on precious oxygen giving clear-cut dioxin laden virgin printer paper in order to get my electronic free play.

I got put on hold and passed to the booth boss.

Explain yet again that I wanted to do the simplest thing - send them an email - and get my hard earned dough. And that I'd been there in person. And that I'd been on the phone for 10 minutes now trying to squeeze a fucking morsel of common fucking sense from these dimwit fucktonsils.

I might have said it a bit nicer than that.

Well, she at least understood the absurdity of it all. And she agreed with me. And there was nothing she could do. And she agreed it was stupid. But there wasn't anything she could do unless her bosses changed their minds.

Maybe the boss is the fucktonsils and the boothlings are all in indentured servitude, slaving for The Man and doing his bidding. Reminded me of the size 7 grommet line which smells of burning used condoms and cheap Chinese axle grease. For all I know, the El Cortez smells just like that.

I told her to explain to her boss that I would not be printing up the emails because, hmm, I don't have a PRINTER in my hotel room, and I would not be coming to the El Cortez today to gamble.

On my next trip, I swear to God I am going to laser etch that stupid email on a three foot chunk of virgin forest Douglas Fir and dump it on their stupid counter with a thud that could wake Paul Fucking Bunyan.

I reflected upon my good fortune that my wasted 10 minutes, and lost $10, would result in a Class A Fuck You rant on my blog. Time, though, to check the $4 last gasp Keno ticket.

I was flabbergasted and shocked beyond belief when the screen said "NO WIN". Me, lose at Keno? Unheard of, yeah?

Last day blues continued at Black Jack. Some dealers are great and some are just assholes. I wasn't sure of a particular double down situation and asked the dealer. Long story short, she have me the wrong answer after first saying, "You might double down....". Yes I know I can, I want to know if I should.

I stopped the game, and took my sweet time fishing out a strategy card. Took my time looking it up. Definitely should double down. She could have just said so.

I doubled, lost the hand, gave her the Flushereye, and left the table. Another $60 gone. Fucking day was turning into disaster land.

Tried $20 in Super Double Triple Fucker Bonus Poker (with $1000 for Aces with 2/3/4 which I still had not gotten this trip) and it dumped. Dealt 3 Aces twice, of course. Dealt 4 to a Royal once of course.

Do I sound bitter and angry?

Last day - what is it about it? It's almost as if the machines can smell the fear. I'm playing not to lose, not playing loosely, not playing to win. Maybe its that negative attitude, that conservation attitude that makes the last day so bad.

I decided to thumb my nose at the El Cortez by having lunch at Le Thai. Yes I would walk alllll that way and not play there. That would really show them!

Le Thai was fabulous again. I can see myself eating there multiple times each trip, its that good. Had the green chicken curry lunch special again. Delish!

Figuring Le Thai had changed my luck, I made degenerate move number 18 and picked up my very small cashback from the Four Queens. Jay was there and I excitedly asked him how much I had.

Six bucks.

Took it. It took longer to cash the voucher than it did to feed it (and lose it) in a $1 slot. No magic this time.

I went to say 'so long' to the Mikes, and for addition stupidity I dumped an additional $20 at the bar VP.

One of the Mikes was Out of Order for some reason.

I had a strategy in my back pocket for a time-killer and now was the moment to pull it out - a visit to the Mob Museum.

One odd thing about it, if I didn't already know about it, as a visitor to Fremont street, I never would have known it was there. There are no signs, no ads, no mobsters wandering Fremont handing out flyers. Hellllooooooh......?????? How obvious is that??? Have some made wiseguys stuffing these things into your shirt pocket, "You didn't see nuthin'..."

Anyhoo, I wandered over there and bought a ticket. They are kind of learning their way around their own systems there, with some glitches in the buying process, and then it wasn't actually clear where I was supposed to go to start the tour. Maybe that was just me.

It's three floors of history, pictures of shot-up gangsters, mayhem, weapons, movies, interactive displays (some cool, some stupid) and I spent an enjoyable hour and a half going through it all. They have some really, really cool artifacts from old Vegas, and lots of pictures and movie footage I've never seen anywhere before.

One cool display let you use a shim to trigger a jackpot on an old mechanical slot machine. Man I love those old machines, and someday, I'm going to own one for myself. Not sure how, but I will.

Big win at the Mob Museum.

I'd given myself a budget for the day which would leave some profit on the trip.

The last of it went into Super Double Triple Fucker Bonus Poker and then, I'd hit the wall. Day's stake gone, still $171 in profit for the trip.

Big sigh.

Back to the room, head drooped. Small tear in the corner of my eye as I faked up some busywork, packing and organizing and repacking and reorganizing.

Did some writing and posted it. Chatted with Mrs. Flusher online. Turned on the TV. Turned off the TV. Took a nap. Showered and shaved.

Lonely and (sort of) broke in Vegas and leaving in a few hours.

This is the moment when you sort of weigh your priorities. Was it really that important for me to have some 'accounting win' on this trip, compared to wasting precious Vegas gambling time? Was it worth spending my last hours in Vegas sitting around waiting for a ride to the airport?