Glossary of Royal Flusher Gambling Terms

Air FU Canada (AFUC): Air Fuck You Canada, so named because occasionally their customer service is lacking. And they moved all their flights from Toronto to Vegas to Rouge, which means you always leave at least an hour late. Hope you like the taste of your own kneecaps, because there is 13” between rows of seats on Rouge.

BEEEFFFAALOOOO!!!!!!!!!: Buffalo penny video slot game.

Blonde, Blonde4ever: Bonnie, who runs the Vegas fan forum lasvegas4ever.com and writes for the Vegas news site VegasBright.

Blue Skadoo: Gambling buddy and long-time blog supporter.

Bonebook: An illegal knock-off of an Asus Chromebook that Jimmy Poon somehow ‘located’ and gave to me.

Boner Deluxe: A variant of Bonus Deluxe video poker in which all quads pay 400 credits. Coined March 2011 in Las Vegas the Royal Flusher Way: Lights Out at the Four Queens.
Boner Deluxe video poker
End of an amazing Quad Run on Boner Deluxe.
Boner Pokus: Bonus Poker video poker game.

Bunions: Binions Hotel and Casino.

Button Fuck: Winning a lot of money in a short time playing machines at a casino. “I totally button-fucked the Downtown Grand when I pulled down two Aces progressives on $10 of freeplay!” “Savvy.”

(The) Cal: The California Hotel and Casino.

Chef Ian: Friend of mine named Ian Opoulusopoulus, who runs the Flusherville Beanery.

Chippy: Chippy is our 18 pound Dane-hua-hua. Chippy is a cross between a Great Dane and a Chihuahaa. Thankfully, the Chihuahua was the 'boy dog' and the Great Dane was the 'mommy dog' and not the other way around. ane head, chihuahua body.

Chippy the Lucky Danehuahua, Royal Flusher's dog
Chippy
Chippy has a 12 pound head and a 6 pound body. On long car rides, her neck gets tired, and her head kind of bobs around like it was on a spring. When the sun is right you'd almost swear her eyes glow red when the brakes go on.

Clumping: Fairly rare events that tend to happen in groups. I’ve observed that quads clump, as well as Royals.

Coin dropper: A video poker machine that pays out in coins, not TITOs.

Coin in: Total of all the money bet on all the spins/draws/button pushes on slots and video poker.

Coin out: Total of all the money won on all the spins/draws/button pushes on slots and video poker.

Colonel Sanders Can Go Fuck Himself This Is The Best Fried Chicken Ever: Amazing freshly made fried chicken that they used to make at Fitzgeralds. Not anymore, the Colonel is safe.
Also known as the "Dixie Lee, Popeye, and Mary Brown, can all have a three-way and smoke the Colonel's white meat, this is the best fried chicken I've ever tasted" fried chicken.
C.S.C.G.F.H.T.I.T.B.F.C.E. fried chicken.
Comp: Complimentary. Something of value that savvy gamblers get for free from the casino after losing about five times what the comp is worth, and ten times what the comp costs the casino.

Convoy: Video poker hand of 10 4 10 4 10.

Country throw-up gravy: Southern style white gravy, country sausage gravy. So named because… well just look at it.
Country throw-up gravy, or CTUG
Country throw-up gravy, or CTUG.
CTUG: Country throw-up gravy.

Dead Man’s Hand: pair of Aces and a pair of Eights.

Degen, Degenerate: Indulging in bad gambling habits, such as playing higher stakes in desperation when losing badly. An excess of consumption or activity to the detriment of one’s physical or fiscal well-being. Carrying on without any self-respect (i.e. having a great time). Opposite of savvy. “I won $600 and on my way to the room for the night, I went totally degen and blew it all on $25 a hand VP in about two minutes.”

Dickscalibur: Excalibur Hotel and Casino. Also Dickscabular.

Dinner for Four: VP hand of 6, 9, 6, 9, x.

Dinq: The Linq Hotel and Casino (formerly the Quad and super-formerly the Old Iperooski).

Divana: My sister, who wears feather boas and floats from pose to pose without anyone ever seeing her move. See The Forbidden Shaolin Upper Cannon Punch Mobius Fold.

Doghouse: Full house of Kings and Nines.

Double Dogs: Pair of Kings, Pair of Nines.

Double Gretzky: Quad 9s.

Double Puppies: Pair of Kings, Pair of Threes.

Dr. Raoul Shibumi: One of my cousins from Manitoba who raises purebred penguins. Son of Gambletron.



Drinklegambling: Fairly obvious, a favorite activity. Drinking, gambling, winning, and having fun.

Eight Nipples: Four Queens Hotel and Casino.

ElCo: The El Cortez Hotel and Casino

Emergency Cheese: Cheese portions that you bring along as a last-chance snack for when you get hungry. Quickly devolves into Punishment Cheese.
Punishment Cheese.
Emergency Nuts: Mixed nuts in a ziploc for when you need a quick bite but are too hungover to leave your room. Also, part of Punishment Lunch or Dinner.

Enwynn: Wynn / Encore hotel and casino complex aka Wynncore.

Favorite Server Judy: A very nice cocktail waitress who worked at the California Hotel and Casino. She’s no longer employed there.

Fish’n: Fish and Chips.

Flashy: Very old upright video poker game at the Cal, so named because its candle flashed on and off for six years straight. I think it’s fixed now. Partnered with Pinchy.

Flusher, Flush: Royal Flusher.

Flushiepants: Royal Flusher. Term coined by Blue Skadoo.>

Flusherville: Royal Flusher’s home town of Royal Flusher, situated somewhere in the middle of the quad-city area of Ontario, Canada.

Flusherville Regional Aerodrome: The airfield from which I take the single-engined Curtiss-Wright Beechfokker Industrie Ditchmaster Flea-flicker Flameliner Tiger Moth Mark 2 Constellation a la Mode (Stretch Version) to Pearson in Toronto. Sometimes this aircraft is replaced with a refurbed Reapertech Airstream II Cannonball Express Bi-Motor Switchcraft 44A.
Reapertech Airstream II Cannonball Express Bi-Motor Switchcraft 44A in Air FU Canada livery.


Fork Weens: The Four Queens Hotel and Casino.

Funk, Funkhouser: A gambling buddy of mine who goes by the name Funkhouser.

Gambletron, Tron: One of my Manitoba cousins, father of Dr. Raoul Shibumi.

Gordie Howe: Bringer of great gambling luck, if you have his card in your wallet. Also, played hockey.


Handpay, Handy: A jackpot that is paid in cash by a casino floorperson. Also, handy: manual jackpot.

Happy Video Poker Orgasm Music: The cheesy but delightful climactic music that plays on some machines when you hit a Royal Flush, particularly if there is a hand pay involved.. There is more than one version of the music - the example below is from one of the oldest type of machine.



And here's the newer version of the Happy Video Poker Orgasm Music - with 98% more walking bass.



Hundy: A one hundred dollar bill. Currency that is electrostatically charged so as to fly out of my wallet.

ISG Island Senior Girlfriend: A sweet, poised, elderly Hawaiian lady at the Cal, MSS, and Fremont. See The Man With Two Senior Hawaiian Girlfriends.

Jacks: Jacks or Better video poker.

Jackson Five: Quad Jacks with a 5 kicker.

The Jackson Five
Jimmy Poon: My co-worker at Royal Canadian Veeblefetzer. Jimmy Poon is a long-time loyal friend, confidant, spiritual advisor, and the technical genius behind all the Flusher internet technology. Jimmy is also the Voice of Reason. Jimmy Poon is very short and slight and giggle like a seven year old girl and has a cat named Tang.

Joan of Aces: Talented, hilarous, contributing writer who has a penchant for getting quad pointies.

Kenny Blankenship: friend and co-worker at Royal Canadian Veeblefetzer. Married to LuLU. Non-gambler who nevertheless joined me on a gambling trip to Las Vegas. See Kenny and LuLU Trip Report.

Lamondo: my beloved, artistic niece. Divana’s daughter.

Lazarus: Getting a winning hand betting the last credits left in your machine, i.e. back from the dead.
Lazarus Boner Deluxe Quad Queens.
Lazarus Boner Deluxe Quad Queens
Left-B-Hind Kennels: The kennel where Chippy stays while we galavant around Vegas.

Licorice Petey: Legendary gambler of everywhere and nowhere, riding the rails from play to play, a big chaw of licorice in his teeth. See Riding the rails with Licorice Petey.

Lonnie Lo: Famous musician. Leader of Lonnie Lo and the Golden Showers Love Orchestra. Learn more at The Rarest Vintage Vinyl LP Records You've Never Seen.


The Loose Doose: The video poker game of Loose Deuces, the way Jimmy Poon's mother might say it.

Lucksore: Luxor Hotel and Casino. Also Luxhole, Luxsore, Licksore, Lacks-soul. And maybe we should add The Pointy.

LuLU: Kenny Blankenship’s wife, LuLU Blankenship.

Lyftber: Ride share company e.g. Lyft, Uber.

Maker's: Maker's Mark bourbon.

Mandalay Pay: Mandalay Bay Hotel and Casino.

MGM Green, MGM Greed: MGM Grand Hotel and Casino.

Mikes Bar: The Palace bar at the Four Queens Hotel and Casino. So named because of the many Mikes that staff the bar. Great place to play video poker and watch a game.

Monty Charcoal: The Monte Carlo Hotel and Casino, so named after its roof caught fire.

Morgue: Video poker hand of Aces full of Eights. See also Dead Man’s Hand, Woulded Man's Hand.

Motherflusher: Mrs. Flusher’s mom.


Norbert: Sycophantic arrogant ne'er-do-well layabout boss at the grommet factory, who married the owner’s daughter and was promoted through nepotism. Stayed on after the Pesky Belgian / Crafty South Korean buy-out.

Official Royal Flusher Business Card version 1.0: The original highly coveted business card.

Flusher business card strategically hidden at Du-par's.
Official Royal Flusher Business Card 2.0: Version two of my highly coveted business card, complete with the Strict Rules of Parlay printed on the back. There are only three ways to get one of these - directly from me in a casino, finding one I’ve hidden in plain sight, or the third way.

Old Iperooski: Imperial Palace Hotel and Casino. Also Inferior Palace. See Dinq.Old 

Iperooski: Imperial Palace Hotel and Casino. Also Inferior Palace. See Dinq.

Piffles Flusher: My late cousin, who left us unexpectedly not long after he took me flying in Vegas. I miss him every day.


Pinchy: Very old upright video poker game at the Cal, so named because its screen pinches in whenever you deal the cards. Partnered with Flashy.

Pinchy and Flashy: Two very old upright video poker games at the Cal. See the post Pinchy and Flashy.

piPhone 3.14: Probably illegal Pacific Rim knock-off of the iPhone that Jimmy Poon got me a deal on after it ‘fell off the back of a shipping container’.

Polish Royal: Four royal flush cards plus the nine (with apologies to Poles, who are brilliant engineers, and make a great vodka. Try Wyborowa sometime.)

At least it's a straight flush. Can't get much closer to a Royal and not get it.

Poonstang: A tricked out Ford Mustang that makes anyone driving it look like a stud. Even me.

Pointies: Aces. “Hey, I got dealt four pointies with kicker!”  “Savvy!”

Four Pointies with Kicker Dealt on Triple Double Bonus
Four Pointies with Kicker Dealt on Triple Double Bonus
P.R.O.B.: Prime rib of beef.

Punishment Cheese, Lunch, Dinner: Sad, watery shrink-wrapped cheese portions that you substitute for a meal because you went degenerate. Can be paired with Emergency Nuts for a Punishment Lunch or Dinner. See Emergency Cheese.

Punishment cheese.
Quad: Four of a kind in video poker, desirable hand. “I haven’t had a goddamn quad all day.”

QQ, Quad Queen: Mrs. Flusher. Gets more quads than anyone I’ve ever seen. Especially adept at getting quad deuces on Deuces Wild.

Quads or Die: Double Double Bonus, so named because you can lose quickly if you don’t hit some quads.

RAZGU: A completely useless hand in poker or video poker. “I held four to a royal and ended up with RAZGU. Curses!”

Room Camping: The art of staying in a luxury hotel room in a luxury hotel and bringing your own food, liquor, and snacks. Bonus points for heating a can of chili under the hot water in the sink.

Royal Canadian Veeblefetzer logoRoyal Canadian Veeblefetzer: Internationally known maker of grommets, where I work on the size 7 grommet line. In its heyday, winner of many Golden Grommet awards. The Quad Queen works here (in the estimatin’ department), as does Jimmy Poon, Kenny BlankenshipEberhardt ‘Jackie’ Moosreiner, and boss Norbert.
Savvy: Extremely smart, informed, successful, blind lucky, and in complete control. What Royal Flusher is when he’s not degenerate. “Got dealt Aces kicker!!!!” “Savvy play.”

Seizures Palace: Caesars Palace Hotel and Casino

Sheila: Australian slang for woman. Used inappropriately in the blog to refer to almost anyone in a service job. “Did you see the Check-in Sheila? She’s hot!” “I told the Valet Sheila to keep the car nearby.”

Shit Hand: see RAZGU. Also a hand with King Ace King Ace in it.

Slutty Times Pay: Super Times Pay video poker in which a win multiplier (spinner) randomly appears.

Spinner: Super Times Pay multiplier. "Holy fuck, I've played for twenty minutes without a spinner!" "Shut up and deal."

Spinners: Super Times Pay video poker

Strict Rules of Parlay: Savvy money management technique based on doubling the denomination when winning and video poker credits have doubled, and halving the denomination when losing. See Strict Rules of Parlay.

Smug Nugget: Golden Nugget Hotel and Casino.


Tang: Jimmy Poon’s cat.

Tilt: Angry, desperate gambling with increased stakes, increased speed, no self-control, throwing good money after bad trying to force a win. See Degenerate. “I went on tilt, popping in hundred dollar bills and blowing through them on 50 cent Double Double.” “Not very savvy.”

TITO: Ticket you get when you cash out of a machine. From Ticket In Ticket Out. Very rare, and almost always worth less than you put in to the machine.

Trop: Tropicana Hotel and Casino.

Video Poker: an apparently futile gambling game in which you are dealt five cards, can hold any or all of the cards, and draw replacements for the held cards. You are then paid according to the hand you’ve made, which is probably RAZGU.
VP: video poker

Walk of Shame: Having to make a trip to the safe in your room, an ATM, or the casino cage to get more gambling funds because you are a fucking degenerate.

Walkabout: Walking between and around in various casinos, possibly making short stops at each one to drop a twenty, but mostly looking at things. “I went on walkabout from the Mirage all the way to Mandalay Bay.”

Washing machine: A non-volatile slot with good payback. Play a dollar, get back a dollar.

Wounded Man’s Hand: Two Aces and a pair of Sevens. See Dead Man's Hand.




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