Pointies Pointies!

I slept in till 9:00 Saturday morning. That's noon at home. Oh well. I didn't have much to do today except check my D Keno ticket, eat, and try not to lose much money.

Day 8 - Saturday Aug 30, 2025 

The trip was as good as over. Speaking of which, when I thought I couldn't hate the Rio more, I almost tripped and/or twisted an ankle stepping into a hole in the floor.

It doesn't look like it but that hole is 3-4" deep - deep enough to accomodate an outlet and some wiring.

I quickly realized there was no way to complain to a person at the hotel, given what happened with the useless lying Rita AI bot. I thought maybe I'd get a survey later that I could respond to and blast 'em that way.

I'd hit about four 4 out of 5s on my Keno ticket, but no 5 out of 5s. It would have some money on it, but was a loser. Kind of like me, I guess. I'll just keep the ticket for next time.

It's been so ridiculously hard to find enough wins to stay above water this trip. I've had a few good ones in the last while, so I suppose it had to catch up with me.

There were a few moments where I thought about seeing if I could change my flight home to an earlier one - mentally, my trip was done. It was going to be a bag over the head swift kick in the pills no matter what I did now. I was just putting in time.

I did my blogging - it looked nice outside, if roasting hot - and swallowed a punishment RX bar for breakfast.

Around noon, I had cobbled together a plan. It was simple. Eat lunch at the Kung Fu, just a couple of blocks north of the Rio, and try to put together a decent session at the Gold Coast on the triple play machine I'd got a Royal on last time I stayed at the Rio.

The Kung Fu super value fly-in-a-circle one wing lunch special runs Monday through Friday only. No matter, I'd be happy to wolf down a full entree-sized portion of the Panang curry chicken.

Does anyone have June's number?

Lunch was delicious, and I demolished it all except for a few million grains of rice.

Next stop, the Gold Coast.

I spotted an ancient White Orchid game on the way in and played out $20 in it. Then I turned to the Triple Play machine - quarter Bonus Poker.

After burning through $80, I put in another hundred and realized it was just dumb to play Bonus Poker at this point. If I wanted any chance at making a dent in my losses it had to be Double Double Bonus with all the premium hands, along with higher volatility.

So, another hundred dollar bill went into the whining, slobbery mouth of the beast. I could hear it digesting it already.

What happened next has a couple of angles to it, or points to be made.

I finally got the kind of video poker session I've been craving this entire trip.

I ended up with 4 to a Royal about a dozen times. One royal would have made a big difference.

None of the hands that take kickers had kickers. No kickers. I am thwarted by this. Never the kicker. Kickerless, me.

The dollar difference between what I got and what I would have got if I'd got all the kickers was a difference of $800. That's $800 based on four cards.

But I've buried the lead. I went on a 3h 15m non-stop video poker bender, and it was magnificent. The only thing missing was that I did not cash out a profit.

Let's have a look:

Pointies!!! $200! No kicker, though.

Fours. No kicker, though.

POINTIES!!! $200. No kicker, though.

Dealt 7s!!! Imagine if this were dealt Pointies with kicker...

This stands in for Deuces. I got distracted and forgot the photo.

If my math is right, that's a total of 3,900 hands of video poker, played 3 at a time (900 pulls). When it was over, I'd lost $200.

But you know, I felt totally satisfied in the sense that I'd gotten some good hands, and I'd played all I wanted to. I really didn't want to play any more and in fact, called it quits for the trip. Of course, the only thing missing was to actually win money.

I drove back to the Rio (across the street) and went to the room to chill for a couple of hours, and pack. Sun was setting and I knew the trip was really over.

I left the room at 8:00 pm, dumped the rental, and was through security by 9:15 or so. My flight was scheduled for 11:35, so I had time in the United Lounge to snack and drink.

They have these really cool gelato machines in the lounge called Solato. Basically, you put an ice cream k-cup in the machine, press a button, and in one minute it curls out a sloppy gelato.

Hopefully, you are ready with a cup to corral the frozen milk treat as it extrudes from the ice cold Solato meatus.

I may not have described this in the most appetizing way.

The frozen icerement exits the beast's tract meatus here and is deposited in the patron's cup here. The operation is completely automatic and minimal wiping is required after extrusion. The patrons are carried along the corridor on a conveyor belt in extreme comfort and past murals depicting Mediterranean scenes towards the rotating knives...

The machine worked perfectly, and the gelato was delicious. It's all natural, featuring no unnatural ingredients or dairy acts.

The rest of it is travel. I got served a trough of Buffalo Trace on the first leg to Chicago, and a sticky bourbon chicken meal (not pictured, it was too dark). Really good meal.

I managed to get about half an hour sleep and we landed in Chicago before dawn. Another lounge, another feast.

There's no way I'm passing up free food.

Our sausages are United.

Next it was a 1 hour flight to Toronto and another half hour nap.

Then I boarded the Union-Pearson express and met my nephew (Divana's lad) for lunch.

My train to Flusherville left at 2:30 and Dwiggie picked me up at that station at 5:00.

I'm not sure how, but I stayed up until 10:30 pm. I really wasn't feeling all that bad considering I was running on 1 hour sleep.

When I crashed, I crashed hard and slept for 11 hours. Monday I took the day off completely, and today, Tuesday, I started to feel human again. That kind of travel rigor takes it out of you.

And with that, the Hot August Tights trip report is done.

There will be no accounting spin - this was the worst trip in terms of gambling I've ever had. That's saying something because I'm up to something like 75 trips.

I did have a really fun and engaging time in spite of the losing. It's all about friends and family and good food (notwithstanding heating a double cheeseburger in the travel kettle).

What's next for Flushiepants?

Well, I was contacted by the service dog folks. They need someone to take care of a 4 month old black lab puppy for a week or so. I said yes immediately.

Strangely, by sheer coincidence, the puppy's name is...

Rita

I've given up on AI. (And in fact, I'm furious with it.) This trip report is now officially named Hot August Tights. I hope that doesn't squeeze your lululemons.

Day 7 - Friday August 28, 2026

I apologize for the disgusting room camping cheeseburger photos from yesterday. I ate 'em but you had to look at 'em and wonder "Why?". To make up for all the punishment meals I've consumed at Encore, I decided to enjoy a hearty breakfast.

Besides, I had a $25 resort credit to burn.

And so, after coffee, blogging, etc. etc. I wandered down to Sinatra, which now serves breakfast and lunch.

It's a beautiful space, and I found myself seated at a beautiful table with crisp white linens and a beautiful view and a cup of real, beautiful coffee.

You may find this odd, considering all the low-rolling I've reported in the blog, but Flushiepants is quite at home in this kind of high end environment. I know where to put my napkin, which thumb to use to stir my coffee, and I don't steal anything off the table.

I stuck with the typical breakfast, but done hoity-toity style. Eggs over hard, sausage links, sourdough toast.

For the first time in a long run of such breakfasts, my yolks were still a bit runny. Ironic, isn't it, that I'm in the finest of restaurants in the finest of hotels, and they fuck up the eggs.

I said nothing. That would put a rift in the experience. They'd whisk away the entire meal, I'd sit waiting like a mook, and they would remake the entire thing, bowing, scraping, and apologizing the whole time.

Then they'd check loudly on the eggs.

"Well sir are your yolks hard enough? ARE THEY? ARE THEY?"

I choked them down with incredible luxurious abandon.

Everything was truly super-delicious. Is that one of those Michelin words? The sausages were nonpareil, although in another fox paw (yes I know, I'm being witty and condescending - it's required at this place!) the sausages were not actually linked.

I deducted another half Michelin star, mentally.

They don't slam an upside down bottle of Heinz on the table, nor do they give you a little rack of jam and marmalade packets, none of which are strawberry.

The three little dishes contained ketchup, a delicious raspberry preserves, and butter at the perfect softness for coating the toast.

I wasn't sure which side of the toast to butter, so I hope I didn't break protocol and slather the wrong side.

The whole meal including coffee and generous tip was $50. That's $25 out of pocket for me and $25 resort credit.

After breakfast, I took a walk over to the Wynn side and checked out the machines. I am pretty sure they gutted all the Keno paytables. They are all 750 for 5 out of 5, not 838 as they had been.

I found 9/6 Double Double Bonus quarters on Spin Poker and played 3 hands at a time. $100 went mighty fast. Was it going to be another one of those days??

My cousins Gambletron and Mrs. Gambletron arrived at the D last night, so I packed up my crap, and checked out of Encore just before 11:00.

Downtown, I parked in the death-defying parkade at the D and found them forthwith.

We had a good ole chinwag in the casino, and then I went off to do a few match plays from the Las Vegas Advisor book BobbyG had gifted me. Thanks, bro!

And Gambletron pointed out that the "Say Hi to Matthew" promotion was still on. That netted me a second $25 match play chip! I also confirmed that the Canadian dollars at par promo is indeed a one time only deal.

At the blackjack table I promptly proceeded to lose both match plays, two in a row. Hmm. Well, I threw another green into the circle and long story short, after six or eight hands, I cashed out up $25, earned the hard way.

I headed upstairs and found a Dancing Drums machine. I did get a bonus but in the end I didn't make anything.

And I bought a 250 game Keno ticket for $100.

Then I headed to the Downtown Grand and did their match play for $50. Dealt a King and a 10, and the dealer stood on 18. Easy money! I played another hand or two and cashed out $225, a profit of $125.

The bartops had the good video Keno paytable so I sat in for a long run at that. I got a bunch of 4 out of 4s but the 5 out of 5 that I needed so badly would not come. I'd loaded up the 5 spot tickets with a 4 quarter bet - if it hit, the total would be a little over $900. But no.

I'd had a really, really good shot at it, playing for almost an hour - but it just won't show.

Back at the D, I joined the Gambletrons at Bar Canada and plunked away ineffectively at 80 cent a spin White Orchid.

Dr. Shiboubou and Mrs. Dr. Shiboubou had surprised his parents, the Gambletrons, by walking on the their plane to Vegas at the last minute. They arrived and we all spent some time catching up.

It's so great to see family in Vegas. Most of mine is cast far and wide, so it doesn't happen very often.

I had a room booked at the Rio for Friday night, and Saturday night - to give me a place to hang while I wait for my red-eye flight out of here. The room was ready and off I went.

There's a Roberto's not far away, so I stopped there and got lunch. Five rolled tacos. Basically deep fried cylinders with a bit of chicken inside. Never had them before, one and done.

I gassed up the rental car - so I guess I got gas in two places. And then I checked in at the Rio. To my surprise, the kiosk thing actually worked this time and spit out my keys.

When I entered my room I found the safe locked. Oh great. This meant I'd have to wait for someone to come up and sort it before I could do much of anything. I did get ice and made a drink though.

The Rio's AI bot 'Rita' had texted me and suggested how helpful she could be. So I texted back about the safe. She said to contact the Call Center.

I used the phone to try to contact the front desk and got... Rita. So I dutifully reported the problem and she said she would put in a request to get it sorted out.

I waited half an hour. Then I phoned in again and asked about my previous request. Yes it was in the system, no stupid Rita could not tell me when someone would come.

She said, "Someone will be there to help you shortly."

I said, "DON'T CALL ME SHORTLY!"

She said, "I apologize for how I put that. Someone will be there... soon."

Time went on. It was well over an hour. I tried the housekeeping line and got... Rita. That got me nowhere.

I phoned the main hotel number and got... Rita. I asked to speak to a human. Rita said "I can help you with anything you need."

I said, "Your mama dresses you funny" or something similar and hung up.

In all, I tried five or six different ways of getting a human. IT CAN'T BE DONE.

After over 2 hours of sitting in my room I'd had enough. I put a note on the door and went down to the lobby. That meant I had to wait in the check-in line in order to speak to someone about the safe.

So another 20 minutes was gone.

I made my case to the Check in Sheila and she went into the back room to actually talk to someone. When she came back, she said someone would be up within 15 to 20 minutes.

I chatted her up a bit, hoping she'd offer me a meal, or maybe a chance to flog Rita to within an inch of her digital life, or at least show her a stern rebooting, but nothing happening. And I didn't feel like begging.

It was only a minute after I'd got to my room that there was a knock on the door. I was hoping it was Rita, but it was a nice fella from Engineering. He had the safe open in about 30 seconds. We checked for gold bars, cash, and coldwater fish, but there was nothing in there.

So I told him my tale and he was very apologetic. And here's the kicker.

They had never been contacted about my safe. Never. I'd been waiting for two and a half hours for nothing.

Needless to say this made me even more furious, but I kept my cool and suggested he needle the front desk Sheila to throw me a bone. He said he'd try.

Finally I could go to the casino and see if I could take some money off of the Rio.

Well, all the video poker has been gutted, and all they Keno payed 750 for 5 out of 5 - the lowest possible.

I played $120 through Dancing Drums and all I got was a weird ass hug from one of the Fu characters.

That was it. Rio is not getting another dime from me in the casino - I'd walk over to Gold Coast next door and play there.

On my way out, I spotted a couple of suits and hit gold - one of them was the director of digital marketing for the hotel.

She was very nice, she listened to my tale of woe, she told me how they were constantly trying to improve Rita's effectiveness, she even touched my arm and apologized for everything.

What she didn't do was ask for my name or room number and throw me a bone.

I'm zero for three in the department and I can only conclude that nobody at Rio gives a crap.

At the Gold Coast I played some Buffalo and some Keno and ate an amazing, freshly made cheeseburger.

But I didn't win a dime.

My only hope now is the 250 game Keno ticket from the D.

Another day in Vegas with no wins. I guess sometimes this is just the way it is.

But I'll tell you one thing - this is officially the worst trip I have ever had in 31 years of coming to Vegas.

It has been a brutal shitkicking.

Oddly, though, I'm not taking it too hard. I've actually had a great time.

Flushiepants Austerity Program

For some reason, I woke up Thursday morning at 4:00 am. I waved it off and slept till 7:00 am. Wonderful bed here at Encore!

Day 6 - Thursday August 27, 2026

Jimmy Poon worked with me into the night last night to figure out how to stem the bleeding from the video poker wounds I've sustained during this trip. This morning, I received a detailed package outlining what we discussed and his findings from further research.

Dear Royal Flusher,

The Flushypants Austerity Program is in full swing. We've constructed this initiative to respond with laser like focus to the current economic climate in your gambling wallet.

We are confident that the swift execution of the Plan will result in an increase in negative monetary growth that is within the scope of the current gambling project cycle, resulting in an increase in Customer Delight. You will be happy.

The Plan will be executed in three stages.

Stage 1 - lose less money.

Stage 2 - win more money.

Stage 3 - limit losses and increase winnings.

All of these initiatives can be summarized as follows:

You receive a tiny daily gambling budget, you lose it and you are done.

Best Regards,

James Poon

P.S. I fixed the trip report artwork.

After having my coffee, punishment banana, punishment RX bar, blogging, and loading up my wallet with just $200, I headed to the casino to try my latest 'Get Rich Quick' Keno scheme.

And wouldn't you know it, it started to work!

(Sorry some of the photos don't show the numbers lit up that hit - they flash on and off when the win is over and I caught them at the wrong moment.)

$47

$48

It worked so well that I increased the bets on the eight 5 spot tickets from 1 nickel to 2 nickels, James Poon be damned.

A curious thing happened as a result. It took a long while but my first hundred dwindled down to about 300 credits. I had found that this scheme was very low in volatility, but this had changed.

And then I realized why. I needed to balance the risk with the 4 spot tickets. They hit much more often (either in whole or in part) and I needed to win more on them in order to offset the added bet on the 5 spot ticket.

So I took a chance and increased the bets across the board.

See, the compelling thing about video Keno is that you have fine control over just how you want to go about losing your money.

I was down to a little over 200 credits when I hit a pretty good hand.

$128

$42

I enjoyed a cappuccino while I was playing (like yesterday morning), a button slapper at a nearby slot with a full one foot high wind-up, and a cigar smoking pot bellied golfer named Flack.

When my bladder said it was quittin' time, I cashed out with a $65 profit.

That's right folks, I didn't lose.

I felt like Chinese food again for lunch so I saddled up and pointed the rental car west to China Mama. It seems there are more than one of these and a China Mama Express as well, it seems like Mama might have been straying a little bit. Mama was totally chenille and her old man was a Marine.

Of course, you get a pot of fragrant Chinese tea and water when you sit down - and you get a little comfort pillow for your lower back.

Somewhere along the way, Mama must have realized that the booth benches with their 90 degree back angle were as comfortable as a park bench.

When in Las Vegas, who doesn't have a hankering for hot and sour soup? The beautiful thing about it is that everyone has their own take on it - it's a little bit different everywhere you go.

This version was extremely light on any vinegar notes and very umami-forward with some funky tree ear action.

Yes, I've been reading some restaurant reviews.

For the main course, I order Kung Fu Pow chicken. It came hot out of the walk, along with $1.50 worth of Steam Rice.

And it was delicious.

I really wanted to use the big serving spoon to eat, but that would offend the local clientele.

Instead, I used chopsticks to eat the entire meal. Yes, it was painstaking stabbing each chunk of chicken with one of the sticks, but worth it to 'fit in'. The peanuts were particularly problematic - they don't stab.

When all was said and Kung, I'd finished it all. I left a little Steam Rice for the next guy ding.

The meal was $25 plus tip. I tipped either $4.23, $4.70, $5.87, or the box in front of which Carol Merrill is now standing.

I haven't checked the machines at Wynn yet, but the only Keno I can find at Encore has been seriously downgraded. The 5 out of 5 pays 750, which is about as low as you can find. It used to pay 838, the most you can find.

Fontainebleau has the 838 paytables I'm told, so I thought it might be good to see if I can get enough play in there to trigger some offers. And that's where I went next.

I will re-iterate this, I hate Fontainbleau's parking garage with a white hot passion. What an ill-designed rathole maze it is. And the signage is terrible.

In the casino, I refreshed my expired players cards and got busy. The first machine I looked on did indeed have the good paytable for Keno. No nickels, only dimes. I went at it.

As is common for me this trip, I didn't hit any 5 out of 5s. I hit a four or two, but my first hundred only lasted one Blue Moon beer and 40 minutes or so.

I wandered the floor looking for Dancing Drums and gave Buffalo a spin. In no time I got a bonus that kept adding extra spins until it topped out at 28. Doesn't matter much if the Buffalos don't line up right across the reels. Still, I cashed out a winner.

I did find a Dancing Drums machine and went at it. And I got quite a bit of play out of it. Somewhere along the way, the Fontainebleau kindly gave me a bonus of $25 in free play. Nice!

I played this game for a good hour or so and then cashed out $100.

And that went in to video poker and... as usual, couldn't hit a goddamn thing. Finding it so hard to get quads when I need them this trip!

In all, I'd managed about two and a half hours of play in the casino. Think that might be enough to get an offer?

The artist used gigantic brushes for this.

I've had a problem this trip with using my room card to get in and out of the parking garage. I had to have my keys redone at Encore to fix this and I had the same issue at Fontainebleau using my player's card to try to get out of their Fucking Lot. Not great when there is a line-up of 20 cars behind you.

I tried everything, it just wouldn't work. I pressed the Phone button and started jabbering at the person who answered and they simply raised the gate mid sentence.

I wish the suits would take a look at the loss of goodwill over their paid parking nonsense.

It was at that exact moment that I had a terrible brilliant stupid genius idea!

I headed for McDonald's and picked up two double cheeseburgers for dinner.

Back in the room at Encore, I built a drink or two and relaxed. Was I worried about the burgers getting cold? No, I wasn't. I had a plan. And I wasn't quite hungry yet.

So I wrote the first part of this blog, and then... it was time to try to execute an advanced room camping move.

I chatted Dwiggie.

Hey, you're a smart guy. I have the Portable Beaker that I use for boiling water for coffee. I aim to use it to reheat a couple of McDonald's double cheeseburgers. I've already ascertained that one will fit inside - because it's in there now. But what procedure would you use for heating it without starting a fire or getting cheese everywhere?

Dwiggie responded:

It’s actually very simple. First make sure that the sides of the burger are only barely touching the sides of the kettle. Then take the burger out of the kettle. Then, pour a very small amount of water in the bottom of your air fryer and heat both of your burgers in there, buns at all.

Then make yourself a cup of coffee with your kettle. It’ll probably work.

I just realized you probably don’t have a air fryer there. Maybe use your microwave. Either way, use your kettle to make yourself a coffee.

I replied: You're helpless.

I boiled some water and poured it out, but the sides of the Beaker really weren't very warm, surprisingly. All the heat is at the bottom.

So I boiled some more, and poured out most of it, and then shoved the burger in and left it for a few minutes.

When I pulled it out, it had gotten wet at the bottom, but the wrapping seemed to be intact.

And there was some cheese melting going on and the first half of the burger was actually warm!

For burger number two, I boiled just a couple of inches of water in the bottom of the Beaker and then shoved the burger in. I intermittently turned the thing on and off, and then pulled the burg and turned it over. Repeat.

And this resulted in a fairly warm, if disgusting, burger.

I was really careful because you could easily overheat the kettle if you run it without much water in it.

Was all this fucking around worth it?

Of course. Room camping is an art unto itself. Half the satisfaction is in the genius execution of a stupid plan.

I went to bed will a tummy full of lukewarm burgers, and a happy feeling - I'd lost only $200 today. The Austerity Program was working!