End of a trip, end of an era, but Vegas Revenge?

Reposted from the 2012 classic Vegas Revenge - Part 2 the Sequel 3: Avenged trip report.

It's weird when you play your last session at the casino in Vegas and it ends with a bunch of shitty hands that don't win anything. Especially the last shitty hand.

Hold a pair of 2s... draw... nothing.

It sits there. Credits 0. Card reader still says 'Good Luck'. You know the limo is 10 minutes away, and it's time to start the trek home on the red-eye.

So we did all that, got the bags, got the limo, rode to the airport, pretty happy with the trip actually. It is going to be nigh impossible to top the Royals count we got on this one.

We were on one of the last flights out of the 50-year-old, moldy but lovable Terminal 2. I am going to miss this place because it is so easy to get in and out of. Security has never been more than 5 minutes.

But with a brand new International terminal opening the very next day, we are on one of the last flights ever to leave from this terminal.

So we did our various duties, checked in, paid Air Canada their goddamned luggage ransom, went through security.

Saw an extremely attractive young woman wearing snug lycra clothing from top to bottom, and built like a Gent model, asking a TON of questions about the 'show me your balls' scanners. I think maybe she was thinking if you could see her fiddly bits through her outfit, it would be dead obvious the only things she had on her were a couple of piercings.

Anyway, she opted for the pat-down, which was done just beside where I found myself putting on my stinky Vegas 108F casino shoes.

I have to admit, I felt sorry for her. She was getting fondled and rubbed up down and sideways. Ass, legs, inner thighs, sides of her boobs. I either wanted to yell at the TSA or become one.

All day long I knew I was about $800 down on the trip, and it would take some finagling to get even again. I actually went up about $300 but lost it back... the whole time I was thinking it would take a premium hand, such as the four Aces with kicker that has eluded me the last 2-3 trips, or another Royal, which was crazy thinking. Or maybe, a longshot very lucky run.

None of those things happened, although I was dealt 'almost' hands a bunch of times on dollars including 4 to a Royal. That would have knocked this trip out of the park, had I gotten it.

Some of the slots were already ripped out of lonely Terminal 2, and the shelves of the rip-off gift shops were half-empty, with stuff marked down.

But my 'lucky' video poker machine, the one I hit a quad on last trip, was still there.

And of course, we decided to sit down and play.

I slipped a twenty into the machine, wondering how much I would go down on the trip.

"I really need a Royal here, or Aces with kicker or something..." I muttered.

Pressed 'Bet Max' and the first hand came up...

Four to a Royal.

Of course, this would be the story-book ending to this trip. Alas... somehow I fumbled. No desperately needed Jack of Spades for me.

We were playing Triple Bonus Poker Plus, which has a sort of hybrid value for the quads. The Aces are $300 straight up, no kicker involved. 2s,3s,4s are $150, no kickers involved.

I was talking non-stop all day about how much I wanted those goddamned Aces.

Well guess what? Held two of 'em (like I have done 150 times this trip) and...

Oh-fuck-yeah-redemption at the airport.

Finally, finally hit the Aces, no kicker this time for this game, and I'm instantly up $300 on the day.

I played a bit longer, hoping for a bit more lightning to strike but cashed out at $320, preserving the win for the day and shaving my trip losses significantly.

Mrs. Flusher nailed a quad of her own and I guess this will be the last picture from this Royal-filled trip.

The breakdown

Well, we kicked some Vegas ass.

We both flew free to Vegas and back, on points. (I paid $900 last trip, which was way too fucking much, but I'm a degenerate, see? Ouch.)

Mrs. Flusher was there about 16 days. I was there 9 days and a night.

I am up $300 on the day (in which I played about 8 hours) and am down $500 on the trip.
Mrs. Flusher is down $400 on the day, and is up $2230 on the trip.

Combined, we are up $1730 on the trip.

We played so much, my protuberances are raw. Played a lot of video poker too... ;)

Our coin-in this trip was insane for us. Combined we did $75K at the Four Queens. Mrs. Flusher did an astouding $80K at MSS/Cal/Fremont, and I did about $30K there.

That's almost $200K coin-in. We must be playing more 50 cent and dollars than I thought because that's 160,000 hands of quarter video poker.

Interestingly, Royals are about every 40,000 hands so we could have expected 4 of them if the universe behaved. We probably didn't play that many hands (a lot of higher denom play) so we probably could have reasonably hoped for 3 Royals Flush.

We got 6 Royals Flush between us.

I am not sure we will ever equal that again. (But I'm willing to try.)

Looking at comps, I didn't keep track of them all. I am slightly (slightly) less anal than usual these days. Pretty much, the only meals we paid for were Du-Pars, 2 hotdogs at MGM, and half of the Colonel-can-go-take-a-money-shot-in-the-ear-this-is-the-best-fried-chicken-in-the-galaxy fried chicken.

So let's just say this. $50 a night for the rooms (all comped). And $60 a day for food for the two of us, plus a couple of nicer meals (Hugo's, Redwoody Grille) so tack on another $150.

Mrs. Flusher was in Vegas for a week by herself so call it $30 a day for her meals.

Airfare $1500
Rooms $850 (we had a room for the night we flew out even though we checked out at 9:00pm)
Food $210 + $360 + $150 = $720
We got a bunch of cashback, but just pissed that away gambling. Not sure if I should count it or not.

Bottom line is, we had enough winnings to account for my losses, and all of our hard costs, including tips, admin, limos, and purchases, so this trip was totally, 100% free.

And I value the dollar cost of the trip with comps at: $3070

You can see where I'm going with this...

Not only that, but our offers are going to probably increase with our heavy low-roller play. (I actually asked Jay about this at the slot club booth in the Four Queens - where do we sort of fit with their typical cross-section of players... were we in the top 20%? that sort of thing... he said it is not that often that players have the kind of coin-in we had on this trip.)

So I am thinking we are going to get some sweet offers from the Four Queens with increased freeplay, which is just like cash, and that VIP gluttony book, which I love flashing at anyone who is remotely near me. I am hoping they will offer limo service (which would have about a $120 cash value), and maybe a suite (which I don't care about that much, it's still the Four Queens, right).

Meanwhile at MSS/Cal/Fremont, we'll continue to get invited to tournaments, which I love, and which have a long-term EV of $50 to $100 depending on the prize structure and the number of players. (The only caveat here is that EV = 'expected value', not real value, and to get any real value, you have to actually fucking win something. But sooner or later, if we enter enough of these, we'll win one.)

Gambling win by the numbers, as mentioned, was a combined win of $1730.

Let's look at my last 3 trips... November I pissed away $3000. As far as I am concerned, I have successfully (through the actions of my agent and partner Mrs. Flusher, the Quad Queenus Emeritus) exacted and avenged my Vegas Revenge part 2 on the casino bastards of Fremont Street.

Very Zipperless, and very much the Royal Flusher Way.

And in the last 2 trips, my combined loss is $250 per trip with everything comped. That's a loss of $12.50 a day for:

a) having the most incredible time you can have pushing buttons, looking at cards, throwing dice, and peeing in men's rooms that always have at least 2 homeless guys taking a chili-dump in

b) having free drinks all day long that only cost a dollar a drink, and then you inevitably forget it somewhere and have to get a new one

c) getting to write down all the shenanigans and goings-on and sharing it with the world (or at least the ~500 people who religiously read these trip reports.)

I like sharing, and I like the ego-boost that my stats meter gives me when I can see that a lot of people are following along.

I hope you won't wait until the next trip to check in on me - I like to post stupid stuff about life outside of Vegas, and maybe you will be able to at least laugh at me, if not with me.

Hey, if Kenny Blankenship loses another part of his extremities in some bizarre fashion, or Jimmy Poon finally gets his driver's license, wouldn't you want to know about that?

So c'mon back, okay?

I'll probably tweet my twatter and face my book too, so you can always socially network my ass that way. Links are to the right...

(Math Guy, if I fucked up the math YET AGAIN, please let me know!)

Yours very sincerely,

Bonnet de Douche

R.F.
Flusherville, ON

Vegas Revenge - Part 2 the Sequel 3: Avenged - the Final Conflict -or- Live By Coffee

Reposted from the 2012 classic Vegas Revenge - Part 2 the Sequel 3: Avenged trip report.

The mist across the window hides the lines 
But nothing hides the color of the lights that shine
Electricity so fine
Look and dry your eyes  

I woke up and I knew immediately... it was either the last day in Vegas or there was a pole under my blankets.

Perhaps it was both.

Yes, the last day, leading up to the late trip to the airport and the red-eye to Toronto and a 4 hour lay-over in Toronto and the flight to Flusherville - I was staring at some 30 hours of non-stop ass-tivity in the face. As it were.

After the butt-blasting I took yesterday (and let's be clear, sideways, without lube, without mercy, on all fours, whimpering and whining like the gambling dog that I am) I knew I had to have a change of pace or this trip was going in the dumper.

I cleared $250 on the solo trip last month and I was down $700 bucks on this trip. Combined, that's not bad, fairly respectable, really. But another $700 day and there would be no revenge this trip.

I reloaded with just $300 from the safe and headed down to the casino in the California to do battle. I won't deny it - I get all tingly heading down to the casino to do battle. I felt like James Bond when he says "Suivi."

In fact, sometimes I go around saying suivi inappropriately at various times, such as when pushing a bet out in blackjack.

Don't you get that? That little buzz?

The elevator dings down past the floors, you have your money in your pocket, nobody knows who you are, or how much you have, or how much you have or haven't won. It is all up to you.

You know what you are about, and you have girded your loins and determined your plan to win money from what is arguably the Lion's Den. The elevator doors open and the sounds and stale smoke smell of the casino rush at you headlong, drawing you in.

You pause a moment, letting the rush take hold - but not overpowering you - and then, then and only then, you move. You move forward into the now closing elevator doors, banging your forehead and drawing stares. You try to look confident and mysterious as you turn bright red.

And with that I headed to... the escalator. To the mezzanine. To Lappert's to get some latte going.

"One latte," I said.

The cutie behind the counter said, "I'm sorry, there's no espresso or latte's today."

"There were none yesterday, is the machine still broken?"

"I have coffee, would you like coffee instead? Sorry about the machine."

"How - HOW - am I going to live without my latte????" I scowled.

"You could live by coffee..."

And so it was, I headed to the machines - again - this time with my dishwater Lappert's coffee. Not a good start.

I was determined to take it easy, bet quarters only, protect my bankroll, stay on Bonus Poker, and off the high-volatility high-payback stuff. Give up machines that don't pay.

I played a $20. Lost. Changed machines.

Mrs. Flusher, who had joined me, hit a quad right away. $32.

I lost another $20. Changed machines.

Mrs. Flusher, hit another quad right away. 2s. $50.

Was I having Deja Lose?

I switched machines again. Now I was in for $60.

And it wasn't going well.

On a hunch, I switched to Double Double Bonus. You lose twice as fast when you don't get a quad. When you do, you win twice as much, and a lot more on some. Within four hands I hit K K K K for $62.

WOOT.

Played a couple of minutes more and held two Kings... and got K K K K again!!!!

WOOT WOOT.

I decided to cash out and start again with $20. I played quarter Bonus Poker and ramped up the credits. Bumped up the stakes to 50 cents and took it up more. Switched to Double Double and hit...

$200 quad for me! (Where's the kicker?...)

Well I was thrilled. Sometimes I think we have losing days just so that the winning seems that much sweeter.

We played a bit more and I cashed out my profit.

Slipped a $20 in to try some dollar play. Enough for 4 hands, but I managed to last 20 minutes or so. Even was dealt four to a Royal. Yes I was. Boy would THAT have made some good reading.

Just for good measure, while Mrs. Flusher ran up to the room, I snuck $20 out of 'admin' money (usually for expenses) to play on a dollar slot. I was leaving nothing to chance. Don't tell her, okay?

Well, I won $50, and cashed out $40 profit, which I added to my stake. So I'm desperate, sue me.

We strolled over to Du-pars for brunch and as I got into the tight little booth at the very back of the Bay City Diner Du-Pars I stumbled and banged the table and sort of fell over into the booth.

"What happened?" Mrs. Flusher asked.

"I tripped... I guess I tripped on my gut."

Yes, I tripped on my own beer gut. It kind of got caught on the table, hurting me something fierce and putting me off balance.

It was the kind of moment where you realize that what little positive self-image you might have had is as long gone as that of those people on the 'world's worst tattoos' sites like Mr. Cool Ice or the AWSOME guy or the guy with the tattoo in loving memory that turned out really bad with huge huge teeth and a crooked face. Just google 'world's worst tattoos' and see for yourself what my self image was like when I tripped on my own fucking gut.

Even though it was a little late, I qualified for the 'pancake sandwich' special. Mrs. Flusher ordered chicken pot pie. I'd been wary of Du-pars since they were shut down for over 50 'food safety' demerits, but what the hell, they have good pancakes. They are very special. Maybe its because they put a pubic hair into each one, because what I found in mine had the same kinched up texture of (what I imagine to be) a pubic hair.

But you know what, since I had no more self esteem, I cut way the area around where the hair was found, and I chowed down on the rest of that everlovin' pancake.

Du-pars hairless (thank God) chicken pot pie.

The oldsters 'pig out' on cheap shrimp cocktails.

By the way, when I open a restaurant, I am going to be sure to call it something catchy that only 3% of the planet can spell properly. Like Roi-als. Or Flush-erz.

After pulling the pubic hairs from my choppers, I did a quick accounting and found that I was up $300 on the day. Yes, you read it correctly. And Mrs. F. was down $80. I was doing great so far and had turned it around. I probably had enough money to play for the rest of the day and break even. Sweet.

We went on walkabout to visit some casinos and search out some good odds on hockey bets (in honor of Gordie Howe). Well, the Nugget had the best odds we found because Fremont didn't cover hockey yet. (Didn't check the 'Queens).

For good measure, the Quad Queen hit four Queens... at the Nugget. When we headed to Fremont for some Pick'em and Super Double Double Fucker Bonus, she hit another for $62. Have you noticed I wasn't hitting anything?

I did have a good run on Pick'em, going from $20 to $80 but most of that got played in. We continued walkabout and checked out the D-itz. Sigma Derby was definitely getting installed - unfortunately too late for us to play it.

This canopy is a replica of the original - made specially for the D.

I had a good talk with a floorman about Sigma Derby and the changes coming to the D-itz. What I learned was that the cool semi-'Big Bertha' Universal brand slot with the four reels and progressive that was pinned at $65,000 for the last five years... has been pinned at $65,000 for the last 15 years.

Jimmy Poon from the grommet line at North American Veeblefetzer told me that 8 'bits' can represent up to 256 values (unsigned) and 16 bits can represent up to 65,536 values (unsigned). So I suspect that ole Universal made in Japan slot is using a 16 bit counter for the progressive and topped out at a cool $65,000, which, like the Lion's Share, will never, ever, be won by me.

I love old slot machines and coin op stuff and Vegas history. I'd heard that there was some original pavement - a triangle design, in bright colors - from the Silver Palace casino that was on the site of what is now the Girls from Glitter Gulch and Mermaids. I've looked for it a couple of times on Fremont, and looked for it again this time. Nothing.

We walked down towards the Cal and I noticed a pattern in the sidewalk beside Mermaids. And it had some color to it. I think I found it.

We headed to Main St. Station and I saddled up to the blackjack table while Mrs. F took a flyer on triple play video poker. I played for 2 hours, drank 4 beers, gave about $12 in bets for the dealer (the very interesting and lovely Carol) and took my stake allllll the way down to $6, bet it, and worked it allllll the way back up to $135 before cashing out at $110. A lovely time, good table, good company, and $50 profit.

I promptly dumped that profit into video poker in about 11 minutes. And a hundred more in about 20 more minutes. I jumped from machine to machine, game to game, nothing was working this trip at Main Street Station.

Did I mention that the 'quad queen' dumped $300 at triple play and ran crying back to the room?...

I headed back to the room myself, having screwed up the day's profits and having only $100 profit left. Packed. Whined. Checked flights and stuff.

The Last Supper was at the Cal - my traditional pre-flight P.R.O.B.

(Prime. Rib. Of. Beef.)

Mrs. Flusher and I played a bit more and she headed up to the room while I had the casino all to myself and about $60 in profit left for the day. I reallllly didn't want to have another losing day, or a losing last day.

Well, I tried a few machines, all of them on Double Double, trying for those Aces with kicker that have eluded me for two trips.

I even threw some 'admin' money at that slot and nothing would come of it.

Goddammit.

It was done.

Trip done.

Over.

It was time for me to return to my former life, as a lineman on the size 7 grommet production line at North American Veeblefetzer. Pumping out grommets, nothing more, nothing less. Something nobody cares about, except maybe me, far far away from the magic of Las Vegas.

Time to return to the other side, the every day, Lunchables side. Jimmy Poon and that dickhead boss Norbert.

I walked to the elevator listening to the music playing on the tinny speakers.

Music is important. And if you pay attention, and time things right, you can have your own little movie soundtrack at such moments. Like the time I spilled a frozen Daquiri into my crotch during 'Ice Ice Baby'.

Only this time it was the super-talented Joe Jackson singing, Steppin' Out, one of my all time favorite tunes.

And just as the elevator door closed... closed on my hopes, my dreams, the glitz, the cute cocktail waitress that I tipped five bucks when I got my royal and now she remembers my drink, Absolut on the rocks, the excitement, the highs and lows....

Joe sang, sang, sang...

Get into a car and drive
To the other side 

The limo would soon be waiting. My trip was done and I was a loser. Because of one day, yesterday. And Mrs. Flusher was a big winner. And there was nothing more to be done about it.

Or was there?...

And then I remembered.

There is gambling at the airport.

Boy I do Like That Sigma Derby at the D

Reposted from the 2012 classic Vegas Revenge - Part 2 the Sequel 3: Avenged trip report.

Another single picture post from my single picture post modern experimental blogging phase.

Pretty soon I will graduate to noses and ears coming out of boobs.