Sunday, January 13, 2019

Las Vegas 86, Flushers 3 - Post Trip Accounting Spin!

They keep saying I have to face the music. I think they mean 'turn your cauliflower ears toward the music'.

And I refuse. This last trip was a stinker, in terms of return on gambling bankroll 'investment'. I think we probably had worse luck on this one than on almost any other of some 60 odd trips.

So how do you deal with that? Well, for one thing, you don't add it up. It's like getting blown out 86-3 in a playoff game - you just put it away, there's no point in saying 'let's figure out what little things we have to tweak for next time'.

The bright spot about all this is... the Post Trip Accounting Spin!!! Let's look at how much money we saved!

First of all, transportation was dirt cheap. We had enough points on our First Regional Bank of Flusherville Gold Elite Infinite Super Wolf Blood Moon Mastervisa card to cover our airfare - which included a total of six flights. Pearson to Denver, Denver to Vegas, Vegas to Houston, Houston to Tampa, Tampa to Washington, and Washington to Pearson.

That's a lot of flying fun for no money, notwithstanding the fees of a couple of hundred bucks.

MGM Resorts comp offers have been outstanding in the latter part of 2018 (and continue to be!). They just keep banking the resort fees and giving free rooms, and food and freeplay.

Comp Amount Notes
Aria 3 nights$600I looked up the rates for similar dates in 2019
Aria free play$50
Aria resort credit$50
Wynn 1 night free$200 We still paid $447 for room, food, etc.
Wynn free play$200
Wynn buffets$180We had 6, we used 3. Overrated.
California 3 nights$300
California free play$60From points.
California food$300
Golden Nugget Freeplay$80This is the end of the freeplay free-for-all at the Nugget. They don't love us!

That's actually more than I expected. I usually don't count rooms as being that much, but it was super prime time for some of the nights, and it's also come to my attention that average room rates in Las Vegas are $130. So I've probably been a little light on room comp value in past trip reports. EVEN MORE REASON TO GO TO VEGAS!!!

Do Main Street Station scratch cards count as a comp?
After leaving Vegas, we spent a few days in Florida playing 'Dodge the Walkers' and avoiding any and all of the parks in fear of our lives.

Unlike Vegas, the weather was warm and sunny - really enjoyable, and an important recharger before facing the travesty that will likely be my 2019. I don't like to set high expectations, so anything better than a complete unmitigated clusterflusher will be a pleasant and welcome surprise.

With that in mind, here's what happened upon our return to Canada.

Oh fuck it, I was going to write a 3,000 exploration of my stupidity, but in a nutshell, we landed, and I took the wrong suitcase. And the lady whose suitcase I took, took my suitcase.

I noticed this only after we were on the UP train from Pearson to Union Station to catch VIA to Flusherville. I'd unpacked my iPhone cable and ended up leaving it on the UP train as we scrambled to get off before it left the airport. I lost the cable for good.

I spent about 30 minutes tearing around the airport trying to communicate with the idiot who took my bag. Even though I asked 4 times, she wouldn't come back to the terminal and forced me to track her down in the parking structure "in front of some elevators by the rental cars".

Fortunately, the exchange was made. We are both 50% at fault. Except that I mostly blame her. Flusher's rule.

See you soon!

I'm the one in the tights.

Had enough of Flushiepants?


Why not read up on another astounding Vegas trip report, like this one!

The Las Vegas $1K Scrounge Trip

The challenge... to travel to Las Vegas and stay for 12 days on a gambling budget of $1000US.

To make it work, I've pulled every cheap bastard frugally savvy trick I can think of.

Sunday, January 6, 2019

The Amazing Strict Rules of Parlay

This trip was quite a shit-kicking. It's amazing how a trend can persist day after day after day. Funny how that happens with losing, but rarely winning. Or maybe it's not so fucking funny at all!

We regrouped in the room, packed up as much as possible - we had a ball-busting blood-shot-eye 3:30 AM wake up call for a punishingly early flight out the next day - and set up some travellers, and headed down to the California casino to start what would be our last night of the trip.

We decided to try to do some Strict Rules of Parlay play, and after a couple of false starts, we settled in on our old friends, Flashy and Pinchy. I took Flashy.

The Quad Queen parlayed up from 25 cents to 50 cents and then to dollars, where she fought a really good fight.

Me? I had one of those perfect sessions, like I've had so many times before on this particular machine. One time it ended in a dollar Royal. A guy can hope, can't he?

I played for quite a while on quarters, and worked my way from $20 up to $40 the hard way - no quads. Then I bumped up to 50 cents.

Flashy was banging, and for one of the only rare times this trip, I felt the flow. The feeling that I was part of a frantic button-pushing luck dance, with the sense that I was surfing a gambling wave, and that the hands were interconnected, and had to be capitalized on before the wave broke, which it always does. When this happens, I get into an alpha state zone and I see everything so clearly, such as the low pairs I miss holding because I'm playing so fast. But it's all good, I know the hits are coming

Sure enough, on one hand I held three to a royal... I almost got it but was a 9 of clubs instead of the needed Ace. Damn.

Still, I've picked off a straight flush, and at 50 cents, it's worth $125. Just like that, the session got serious.

View from the alcove. I love this place. I hope they don't make it unplayable.
As the Strict Rules of Parlay dictate, I bumped up to dollars. Finally, I had a chance at pulling some decent money out of the machine.

Good Luck Bobby G.

It's pretty hard to do a coupon run when all the coupons have expired. This is the story of my fucking life. Gravestone: "His coupon expired."

We had a nice break in the room after I conquered the Keno machine and very nearly hit another one out of the Keno park on a couple of tickets I had - one number short of $1400. One stinking ball away.

At least it was a well waxed ball.

I got my stuff together, LVA book, ACG coupons, and headed out - first stop, the Plaza.

The Plaza continues to have a heavy amount of scent in the air, such that it makes me cough. I like the Plaza, but they need to ease up on that crap. The two most fragrantized places I encountered on this trip were the Plaza and the El Cortez.

At the slot club desk, the boothling politely informed me that I'm an idiot and that my coupon for free play (and every other coupon in my possession) was no good after December 28th. This will teach me for putting off my coupon run when I was in town in October.

So couponing was dead.

Instead, I hit up a Buffalo machine that I've had luck on and had some luck on it, enough to cash out $40 profit.

Then I headed down to The D, where I reliably have a tiny bit of free play each month. Five bucks worth, to be exact.

Guess what?


Tuesday, January 1, 2019

Wax up Your Balls -or- Are You Experinced?

First and important things first - the electrical tape secured the door from casino smoke. Livin' large in downtown Vegas. God love ya Wendy O.

We got up at (ulp) 5:30 AM in preparation for reinsertion into the orbit of Eastern Time - and because our flight out the next day was at 6:00 AM, necessitating a 3:30 AM awakening time. Should be resuscitating not necessitating.

The Little Giant performed caffeine spirit animal hallucinations beautifully once again. I love that little guy, although he took up quite a bit of room in my tiny Travelpro carry on.

I wanted to lose at buy some Keno tickets to check, so once we were human, that was the first order of business.

The Keno Lady is a delightful woman with a good sense of humor.

By that, I mean that she was less offended than most casino employees at my demi-rude banter.

When we arrived, the Keno Lady was engaged with some sort of activity involving the ping pong like balls that are used to select winning numbers.

"Why are you manipulating the balls?" I asked. Innocently.

"I'm waxing them."

"Waxing them! I had no idea. Is it required or something?"

"Yes, the balls have to have wax applied."

"There's nothing fairer than a set of well waxed balls," I said. With a straight face.

The Keno Lady laughed.

There's nothing like a set of well-waxed balls. I use Tuff Cote silicon carnuba wax, for bouncier balls.
"Are the balls like ping pong balls, or are they heavier than those balls?" I queried. Demurely.

"No, actually, they are lighter than ping pong balls. And they have to be checked for weight to make sure they are all the same."

"So... it's important to check your balls to make sure they have a uniform weight." I said. Shyly.

"Yes," she said, "you have to have uniform balls."

I am not making this conversation up. The Keno Lady was happy to play along and we were giggling like cub scouts. Scout's honor!

I asked if they ever thought of having ribald promotions, like t-shirts saying stuff with "You have to have balls to play Keno."

She said that they didn't but when she worked at another leading ball-waxing keno lounge, they did that sort of thing.

Sunday, December 30, 2018

Video Poker All Day Long

Video poker all day long and then more video poker. That's what we did today.

We fueled up with coffee shop omelettes to start the day and then went at it.

The Quad Queen had most of the luck and I pounded through way too much dough on nickel five play Slutty Times Pay. One of her best was this 6x quad.

I took some downtime to write up last nights royal story, and meanwhile, Mrs. F. was hitting her some pointies.

That there is the best hit of the entire trip, which isn't saying much. We were sure glad to get it.

Along the way, I hit a quad shooting for the moon on Triple Double Bonus Poker Fucker Plus Poker, and then I watched the Quad Queen do some 10-play quarter Bonus. I played the machine next to her and did okay.

For some reason, the machines are tormenting me.

We played some Buffalo to no consequence except losing and before we knew it, dusk had fallen.

I tried to help it up but then night fell on top of both of us.

We said hello to an old friend, and then ate part of its cousins.

As I'm writing this up mid-day the day after... man, it's all a blur! The days just fly by here and if you don't take notes, all you remember is that you played your ass off and had a blast.

 After eating we played a few things around Main Street, and then settled in for another long bash at the nickels.

The QQ got some AAAA action and then a nice dealt quad for five scratch cards.

No multiplier, though.

I'm still totally challenged on hitting royals from four - the QQ is as well.

By the end of the day I'd gone through my whole budget but guess what? The Quad Queen came through with a plus $270 win on the day. Nice going!!!

We headed to bed early because we have to start getting back on Eastern time. Our flight out on the 31st leaves at 6:00 AM so that means a 3:30 AM wake up. Or just staying up all night...

Our room in the east tower at the Cal sucks. I hate it. Kids were running up and down the hall, there was people banging the doors of the shitty armoires that take the place of closets - because there isn't room for any. Tiny bathroom. Lousy HVAC system.

The worst thing was that there was smoke wafting in all night long, and as we readied for beddy-byes, we could smell it again.

Pro traveller tip - bring electrical tape with you. Air flow from outside blows into the casino and forces air up the elevator shafts, bringing stench with it, and in around the hotel room door.

We taped the seams up with Wendy O Williams brand electrical nipple tape and stuffed a towel at the bottom of the door. Problem solved.

This was the last straw for our host. That host is toast. She should have fixed this and she didn't. I booked this room two months ago. And we talked to her yesterday about the problem and it didn't get fixed.

We've taken very good care of her, and this is not how you take care of a guest. So that's it.