Pleasureville

At Royal Flusher Vegas headquarters, in a steel-clad vault deep in my basement in Flusherville, where Jimmy Poon runs the technical side of the Clownism that is my blog, there's a screen that shows how many people are reading, and roughly where they are located. It uses the information that anyone requesting a page anywhere on the internet includes with the request - an IP address.

Which is stupid, I know the address of the IP - the Imperial Palace...

Anyway, somebody in the fine locality of Pleasureville has been dutifully ploughing their way through the many marginally entertaining pages to be found on the blog.

Whoever you are, Pleasurevillite, I admire your tenacity, if not your choice of reading material. Well done to keep going! Thank you for being a loyal reader.

And isn't Pleasureville the perfect name for this, Gambling Central in the heart of Unincorporated Clark County?

I have to admit, I was pretty down after returning from Ellis Island. I didn't even want to model my free t-shirt pantless by the hotel room window, as I usually do. One gets tired of losing, even if one has only been in Pleasureville II for 24 hours.

And so that's when I got the brilliant plan, and immediately I was having fun again. I threw on my t-shirt, took my pants off, did a couple of Ru Paul passes in front of the window, and headed out to catch the SDX. The stop is really convenient from here, right outside Paris.

Downtown was the usual beat-on-a-plastic-five-gallon-pail hubbub of fun that it usually is, and I made my way into the Nugget.

This is where it always gets exciting. Is the freeplay I thought I had actually there... (and is the freeplay an unnamed queen of interest had actually there...)

Short story long, yes. and yes. I played my $25 through and did okay, but I really wanted to make something out of it if I could, and that's how I managed to cash out zero.

But on round two, a second $25 (don't ask me why, but the Nugget has been handing out freeplay like Canadian health system flu shots - I have three rounds of it this trip!) brought forth, in the middle of an incredibly poorly constructed sentence, A GENUINE QUAD!!!

And later, ANOTHER GENUINE QUAD!

Degen Keno Action - Justified

Got myself together this morning and promptly headed where there is some decent video poker - Ellis Island.

I have to say, everything went according to plan - their plan, that is.

Not having much luck so far on this trip. It happens. But it's awful when you start out in the dumper.

I went to use some coupons for free play, $10 match play, and a cheap breakfast. You have to play a bit before getting the goods, and I finally hit my first legit quarter quad of the trip.

Things went downhill from there. I tried their best Deuces game, full pay Boner Deluxe, some Buffalo... not happening. I bought in for $20 at blackjack and see-sawed for a while. I finally decided to use the $10 match play. Had to double and only had $7.50 in my rack. So I short doubled, all in. Dealer beat me easily, wiping it all out.

Probably the best part was breakfast - a veggie omelette with Potatoes Miles O'Brian.

Here's a promo I didn't know about - earn a bunch of points and they'll ship you off in an Uber or Lyft.

It got down to where I'd burned through almost all the cash I had on me.

I took one last flyer on full pay Boner Deluxe. Had a bunch of three of a kinds but couldn't connect. Finally it drained out and I was busted.

But wait! The little free play icon is lit up! How much do I have?

Three bucks.

I played it a buck at a time on nickels. Do you know how lame it is redeeming your last freeplay a single dollar at a time?

The good news is... for going through most of my day's budget, I got a FREE T-SHIRT. Which serves to advertise Ellis Island.

I felt very dejected as I wandered back to the hotel. It's too early in the trip for this. My plan was to take a long break, and on the way up, I picked up a Keno kit - booklet, game blanks, and a crayon. I thought later I'd commit $40 and sit alone up here waiting for the games to go by.

Fortunately, I do find that activity relaxing - and compared to burning through $20 every 9 minutes in the casino, it's relatively cheap.

Degen Keno Action - Justified

I started working through some of the social media posts, messages, comments, etc etc and all of a sudden - I remembered.

I have $50 of freeplay I can redeem at the Nugget - and it expires today! Reprieve!

A very kind soul donated $20 yesterday, so that goes into the desperation bankroll. Thank you so very much G.W. I have a second donation in the hopper from the last trip, but I'm saving that for a shot at a big progressive, if I see one.

The SDX stop is at Paris, so that's my limo downtown.

To the Nugget!

Bring the Heat

There is a sort of Mexican restaurant here at Bally's, and since it was nearly empty, I thought it must be good. So I went there.

Bally's website says it is the TEQUILA TAQUERIA BAR & GRILL.

OK, I get it!

I ordered the chicken fajitas. What an interesting combination of great things and not so great things!

It was a pretty huge meal, and I was starvin' so I ate almost everything. The chicken, onions and peppers were delicious. The refried beans weren't very hot. The tortillas had been microwaved and quickly turned hard as rock. Boo for that.

There was some sort of huge cob thing on the plate, and I asked the server if it was edible, or just an overgrown garnish.

Bally's Has Balls

Who knew Bally's had live keno? I thought it had been pretty much eradicated on the strip.

I have to hand it to Caesar and his crew of whatever his Jimmy Poons are called - they are really good at eee-lectronical stuff, like emailing you 400 times about your upcoming trip and stuff you can do.

The best thing is the pre-arrival automated post-reservation para-arrival check in. I checked in from an email they sent and they sent back one of those square squiggly codes.

After my interminable long-haul trip courtesy Uber, I went to one of the automated check in kiosks and within about three minutes, I had my room assigned, had a credit card associated with my account (in case of exorbitant late night cheeseburger in-room service needs), had keys in hand, had directions to my room, and a peck on the electronic cheeks good luck.

I'm in the Jubilee tower, in one of the renovated rooms. I seem to remember Funkhouser having a very weird looking light fixture that had no way to turn it on. I seem to have the same thing. It looks like a Star Trek prop.

The rooms fine, fairly comfortable, comes with coffee maker... but I know better! I brought the Little Giant, of course, and a supply of what has to be superior grounds to the "Estate Blend, 2015" stuff they give you.

"I AM. NOMAD. AND I. DON'T LIGHT UP... MMM BUZZ CLICK"

The internet in this room is smokin' fast, which is nice for all the live blogging chores one must do when live blogging.

Wits about me, I headed down to the casino and located the new video poker bar they put in. It's pretty nice, and the bar seating is extra comfy tonight.

Avez Vous un Stylo?

The thing people started asking me earlier today was “what sort of air travel fuckup will Royal Flusher have to endure this time?.

It’s been smooth sailing. Or rather rolling, The only problem was the typical over-zealous gate Shiela who didn’t like the looks of me and said I had to try to fit my carry-on into the sizer. This, even though I have a counterfeit “Air FU Canada Official Carry On Sized Bag” banner looped around the handle.

AFUC has now cost me precious gambling minutes, lost while I wait for my luggage at McCarran. Unacceptable!

Here’s the real rant that I have. When they tell you to gate check, you have to re-arrange what you bring on board and what’s in your suitcase. Anything with batteries has to come out and stay with you. I’d already stashed my HABA in there - no way are AFUC checking my subscriptions.

So where are you going to do this refactoring of luggage contents? On the Goddamn Floor, that’s where. Once again, I find myself on my knees, rummaging through my belongings.

I even made a point of asking if a table was provided or do I have to get on the ground like a peasant scrambling for dropped bits of corn after the corn truck has gone through the field.

That’s my rant for today.

Shockingly, we took off pretty much on time - maybe 20 minutes late? I’m used to an hour on the evening flights to Vegas.

The only other issue is that the seats on this Rouge flight are so packed in, I’m balancing my Chromebook on my head just to have enough elbow-room to type.

Oh - that and the French couple next to me. They are French. They speak French. They don’t speak English. But I did manage to figure out that this is their first time to Vegas. I employed my high school language skills to pointedly ask them such things as, “Avez-vous un stylo? Ouvre le fenetre, sil-vous-plait. Donne moi le poulet.”

I think when we near Vegas i will give the woman next to me my window seat. “REGARDEZ!!!! MA ARGENT!!!!”

OK, so I made it to Bally’s. It took forever.

The Uber guy long hauled me. The tunnel. From Terminal 3. To Bally’s.

I got a peek at the route on his cell and I could see it was the short one. Next thing I know I’m in the tunnel.

One star, and I got $4 back.