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    Friday, January 27, 2023

    Room Camping Christmas Dinner

    Day 4 - "You there, boy, what day is it?" I shouted out the open window from our Wynn room down to the charming boy, the intelligent in the street.

    "It's Christmas Day!"

    "Oh good, then I haven't missed it!" What a remarkable boy!

    I tossed him half a crown and told him to fuck off home and get his weevily ass off the 18th green.

    I'd had a terrible night with the COVID. I had 3 or 4 hours of fever dreams in which I did small repeating tasks hundreds of times, and snippets of talking repeated over and over. I woke up and took about 19 drugs. I was feeling so bad I couldn't sleep, so I wrapped up in one of the complimentary robes and simply sat in a chair for an hour, watching the Quad Queen sleep and studying the curtains.

    After the horse pills and Tylenol kicked in, I managed to get back to bed and get some sleep.

    We were clearly going nowhere today, but that was okay - we had plenty of provisions, a casino downstairs if I felt up to it, and plans for an elaborate Christmas dinner. There were also plans for lolling around, napping, complaining, flipping and spinning in bed, and watching TV.

    And, it was a beautiful day, through the glass anyway.


    I took a really long shower, got into some clean clothes (including my Christmas Socks), and managed to get the FireStick working on the Wynn TV. I had to go six levels deep into the secret advanced menus to be able to select the HDMI input (not knowing that such a selection is prominently presented on the main menu of the Wynn TV Interface).

    My Christmas Socks

    I put Scrooge on and then Charlie Brown, and we loafed around the room, basking in the familiar soundtrack that has provided comforting entertainment for so many Christmases past. I briefly danced like Shermy, head bobbing left and then right. Then I moped around the room. That's moped, not mo-ped.

    We both crashed out again after some snacks and I slept fitfully for a couple of hours before the COVID fever reared up.

    More Tylenol.

    Now I found myself back in the chair, but this time with a view out the window to watch. I simply waited for the Quad Queen to wake up. And pondered this piece of ditto-art.


    This person has two right feet. And is 87% legs and arse.

    I was getting super hungry but my brain kept flipping through the rolodex of ideas endlessly and I couldn't settle on the simplest path to get something to eat. 

    My mind was circling, and I was so, so hungry. I couldn't figure out the simplest thing.

    One thing I did know was that we had to get more ice into the cooler bags.

    When Mrs. Flusher woke up I took it on. It was a triumph to get a small bucket of ice for drinks. Then I did the two huge Rubbermaid pitchers.

    And then I had a rest.

    And then I'd had enough of the Wynn's awful pillows. I hate these things and I've always hated them. You puff them up and then in 6 seconds your neck is flat against the mattress.

    I worked up enough impetus to finally get the spare foam pillow from the little 'extra bedding' garage in the closet - only to find it wasn't foam, it was another stupid sack of down flat-ass headache pillow. Fuck that.

    I got on the Wynn Blower to Wynn Central and demanded another type of pillow.

    It arrived and it was just the ticket - the largest pillow anywhere. This gigantic pillow is known as the Sequoia Pillow. It is cut from 300 metre tall Sequoia Pillow Trees that date back at least 29 centuries. 


    We also had to do a water run to the car. I managed to get saddled up and got that done. Then more Tylenol. I didn't want to go to a restaurant for takeout for a meal and finally just ate some punishment cheese.

    I'd had a grand plan to drive to Von's for some great turkey, but there was simply no way.

    I drove myself to bed instead, while the Quad Queen worked on our Christmas dinner.

    And what a feast it was!

    Room Camping Christmas Dinner

    You are looking at Room Camping Christmas Dinner, with turkey (slices), gravy, crudites (olives, red pepper, bing cherry tomatoes from the Crooner Valley, and oh hell yes, STUFFING!!!!!

    I had a drink before dinner, ate a beautifully prepared Christmas Dinner, and felt okay enough to mask up and give the casino a try.

    It was kind of nasty, it smeared my spectacle, my fast was roasting, I was hot, felt like I couldn't breathe - it it kept the smoke down and others marginally safe.

    I played $60 in dollar Bonus Poker, got zip. I played quite a bit on Keno.

    My notes say I played $80 on dollar Boner Deluxe, and it was gone in 2 minutes, which seems to be typical for me lately on dollars. My last $20 was on Triple Double Bonus, gone in a minute.

    That's $300 gone in an hour. I sulked my way back to room while QQ stayed downstairs and played.

    Yay Quad Queen!

    Quad Queen -$240 Day -$340 trip

    Flusher -$300 Day -$500 trip

    Combo -$910 on the trip

    This Little Golden Book belongs to and is dedicated to Franknic and Denise S.H.!





    Wednesday, January 25, 2023

    Wynn's Renovated Rooms - Good Enough for Gordie Howe

    Day 3 part 2 - Thank goodness it was a straight shot up the strip to Wynn. I was dead. And the RAV 4 smelled dead.

    I was pretty out of it, just able to find enough concentration to take my time and stop at the green lights.

    We arrived at Wynn at about 11:30 am. I got an amazing parking spot, just 12 spots down from the doors on level 3, in the first row of cars. This was important because of the Sherpa duties I'd have to perform.

    We took the mission critical stuff with us, left the rest, and went and checked in.

    Obscured because I'm in the Witless Protection Program

    As was expected, the room wouldn't be ready for a bit. But our two back to back two night Wynn Slots reservations were linked, and we'd keep the same room for all four nights. With no room to go to, there was nothing for it but to keep my mask on, and wait patiently in the casino.

    We played some video poker, not winning, not losing. The Quad Queen got on the board (of course) and I was just poking along, wishing I was in bed.


    It wasn't too long before Wynn texted letting us know the room was ready. Yay! It was maybe 1:00pm?

    Back to the lobby, we got the room keys, and then we hit the parking garage to haul up our suitcases and as much drink and food as we could manage.

    I unlocked the RAV 4 and pulled open the hatch at the back. Oh my God, it smelled like a disturbed gravesite inside.

    "There's no denying it. This is a murder car," I said to the Quad Queen. "But it does handle pretty well."

    We managed the trek, dodging the hordes of people in the casino walkways who are there for the sole purpose standing in a group in the way of everybody, particularly me. It happens every time. I think the larger groups of morons pay extra to stand right in the middle of where the walkways from Encore and the lobby cross the walkways to the shopping and the room elevators cross.

    The job got done and I opened up the newly renovated room. And it was beautiful.










    I went and got fresh loads of ice to keep our goods cool, come back to room and found out the icy finger of the Grim Death Stench Reaper had pointed at our room - the murder car stench had followed us.

    "It's here," I said.

    "It is?"

    "Yes. The evil sickly sweet smell of putrified victim parts is here. It's here in this room. Come into the bathroom."

    And the QQ agreed. We were now haunted by the flesh plunderer of the rental RAV 4.

    "Oh how I miss that damn Jeep!" Words I never thought I'd utter.

    "We have to think. THINK!" said the Quad Queen. "The smell was there. In the car. It was definitely there. And now... now it's here."

    "What could we possibly have bought that could smell like the killing floor at the weenie plant?"

    Of course.

    THE BROCCOLI.

    She opened the bag and sure enough, a bunch of the leaves were soggy and rotting.

    "No problem, I'll sort through these, get rid of the bad stuff, and thoroughly wash the still good florets, and then dry them."

    I had my doubts but she got busy. The bad stuff got hermetically sealed in a ZipLoc evidence food storage bag.

    Meanwhile, I made a second trip to the parking structure to get more drinks and such. When I got back to the room, and held the door open. The miasma was palpable.

    Just then, the neighbors across the hall left their room.

    Great. They thought the stench oozing into and assaulting their nostrils was from me.

    "It still reeks in here. It's no better. Where's the broccoli?"

    "It's laid out on a bath towel."

    And it was, laid out neatly like little green alien blobs of ooze on a luxury bath sheet in the tub.

    "It's got to go," I said. Even in my COVID impinged state, I knew we'd never get rid of the smell until we got rid of the broccoli.

    We bagged it and I took it to the elevators, and just as I was about to dump it in a garbage can in the foyer, some guys got off the elevator and looked at me.

    "Please, don't fucking ask," I said, and dropped it in.

    We made sandwiches, which were delicious.



    I had a long rest. A really long rest. Into the evening, I had enough energy to put on a mask and go back to the casino for a while.

    And we had a great time. I even summoned the power of Gordie Howe to get a 5 out of 5 keno hit.






    I also summoned the power of stupid me and gave it all back because I'm stupid and greedy and was loaded on casino Maker's Marks.

    We retired back to the room and it smelled like the Wynn Death Camp. It's the broccoli towel.

    I took the towel and dumped it in the hallway outside the staff elevator door. I'm a dick.

    It was time to load up on pharmaceuticals and try to get some sleep.

    Quad Queen +$40 Day  -$120 Trip

    Flushiepants -$160 Day -$250 Trip

    Combined -$370 on the trip

    Dedicated to Dirty Waitress (thank you for all the likes and retweets!) and T.H. (thank you for the ongoing ko-fi support!).




    Tuesday, January 24, 2023

    EPA Certified

    Day 3 - I had a pretty lousy night, and I am pretty sure the COVID was to blame.

    Yeah, I was sick. I woke up a few times sneezing, had a nose that ran as bad as the broken leaky tap in the bathroom sink.

    Fortunately, I'd packed every COVID drug that the Quad Queen had needed, and a whole bunch more.

    While she was ill, I tested and tested, positive I would get it. I wish I had gotten it then, back in Florida, not on day 2 of a Vegas trip.

    So, I began a regimen of three kinds of antihistamines, decongestants, Tylenol, supplements, lozenges, tinctures, effervescents, calcium, magnesium, gymnasium, collagen, ashwagandha, Tiger Balm, Rub A-535, and WD-40.

    "This is stuff I'm treating the COVID you gave me with," I said to the Quad Queen, showing her my portable pharmacy.

    "Look at all that crap you're taking! You can't possibly keep that up!"

    "Hmm, you're right. I'll add some Viagra."

    Let's be clear. I felt absolutely horrid.

    Jimmy Poon takes a break from running my tech stuff to clear the driveway up north.

    One thing that cheered me was to check the camera I'd had Jimmy Poon set up back in Flusherville. And I caught Jimmy Poon in the act and immediately phoned him.

    "Jimmy Poon, make sure you plough right to the edges of the driveway, and Goddammit, make sure those edges are straight."

    I couldn't hear Jimmy Poon's reply through the howling wind in the background.

    What was the point of having Jimmy Poon take care of my place in Flusherville if he wasn't going to give it 110%??

    I did my in-room coffee, and had a couple of those breakfast sandwich things I'd bought at Walmart. I got a kind that had a frittata on the outside instead of a biscuit or English muff. Less carbs. Turns out less taste as well. Or was it me?

    We'd really loaded up with stuff at Walmart - pretty much all the drinks we'd need for a week, including liquor, fruits, pickles, vegetables like tomatoes and some broccoli florets that would heat beautifully in the HotPockRockets, sandwich stuff galore, and some surprises for Christmas as well.

    Using incredible judgement, a rare feat for me, we'd brought up only the things we'd need at Mandalay Bay from the car, and left most of the drinks, and some of the less temperature sensitive foods in the RAV 4.

    One thing that I thought was pretty smart, since the Quad Queen thought of it, was to get two big plastic jugs to hold the ice that goes in the two insulated bags we use to keep stuff cold. It's brilliance. See the two Rubbermaid drink containers? Fill those babies up with ice in one trip to the ice machine and place them in the insulated bag. Nice and cold for 18 hours or so, easy as hell to dump the melted ice, and NO LEAKS.

    Room Camping DeLuxe - See my jugs?

    MGM hotels have a history with me of not applying resort credits to my bill, and not removing things they promise to remove from my bill. This happens over and over, and I end up having to fight to get what I was promised.

    Before checking out, I looked at the online folio and only one night's resort fee was removed, not the two young Jonathan promised.

    I got on the blower and explained the situation, and was told they'd take that right off the bill.


    Another check of the folio showed a final bill of $5.58. Cool.*

    Shockingly, the $50 resort credit with my offer was already applied against the sad House of Blues dinner we'd had, without me having to fight for it. Wow.

    Slowly, slowly I packed up for the move to our next destination.

    We managed to get new ice in the insulated bags and haul everything down to the Toyota in one trip.

    As a bonus, we'd gotten El Primo Spotto in the Mandalay Bay parking structure. Because my energy level was tanked.

    When I unlocked the car and opened the back, I caught a wiff of something, but figured someone had puked somewhere in the garage. Nice.

    We put our suitcases and whatnot into the back and I gingerly got behind the wheel.

    "Do you smell that?" I said to the Quad Queen. "It doesn't smell right."

    I drove out of the parking structure and aired out a bit. As we pulled onto the strip, I closed up the windows again. At the next light, that smell.

    "Did you notice how the car was covered with brush and pine needles and dirt and broken branches?" I asked.

    "It's like it was abandoned halfway up a mountain, just at the top of the tree line, with a dead body in it."

    "Yup. Exactly like that. That faint smell... of death."

    Oh my God. 

    And then I remembered the little sticky note. If I was pale before from COVID, I was even more deathly pale now at my realization.


    "That sticky note that was on the dash when we picked this thing up? Remember that?"

    I pulled it from the drink holder and handed it to the Quad Queen.

    The Queen read the sticky and proclaimed, "We're riding in the EPA Fucking Certified Deathmobile,"


    *After returning home, my credit card showed a charge for one night's resort fee. Even after all of that. If you stay at MGM Resorts, pay attention, or pay them.

    This post dedicated to my generous ko-fi people YoLeven, B.J., and C.L. Thank you!





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