Saturday, March 26, 2016

Eke Eke Eke








I was a little concerned about my Lyftber driver, Ted. He started sweating profusely before we even left the Nugget. I offered him a small bottle of water which he immediately dumped on his crotch.

"Drinking problem," he said.

However, with lots of encouragement and coaxing, I got him moving and we arrived at Mandalay Bay without incident. Cost me $12 with tip.

A very good-looking lobbyist received a sob story, my list of roomal requirements, and a twenty dollar bill. It paid off nicely.

"I can put you in a baking room," said the lobbyist.

"I'd prefer one with air conditioning," I replied.

"They all have air conditioning sir."

"Why is this room baking then?"

"Bay King. Not baking, Bay King."

"I'll do it!"

So, I got a one level upgrade to a newly renovated Bay King room. I didn't take any pics of it, but Mandalay Bay provided one.

I immediately put the chair on the other side of the desk, facing the window, and then dragged an armchair over in front of the westward view, where I could take some sun. I cranked open a bottle of plastic red wine, and sat myself down, took sun, and reflected.

I sat there for quite a long while. I hadn't had any real action today, but I didn't feel like I wanted to go to the casino. The total of my losses was starting to wear on me. I did some work.

I texted the Quad Queen.

"I think I'm afraid to play."

To make myself feel better, I did some calculations to figure out how much I'd gotten in comps, freebies, and free play.

It came to $3,008.25 so far. Would you like to see a list? I have one handy.

WhereCompAmount
T.I.Room 3 nights$60.00
$80.00
$90.00
Room tax 13%$29.90
TIFreeplay$495.00
DTGRoom 3 nights$39.00
$39.00
$39.00
Room tax 13%$15.21
Resort fee$68.00
Four QueensFreeplay$40.00
Four QueensFreeplay$40.00
MagnoliasMeal on points$10.79
MagnoliasMeal on points$7.59
DTGCAD to US Bonus$125.00
DTGCAD to US Bonus$125.00
DTGCAD to US Bonus$125.00
DTGpoints$35.00
The DFreeplay$5.00
MagnoliasMeal on points$10.79
BinionsMeal on points$10.00
TropicanaComp$180.00
TropicanaFreeplay$15.00
NuggetFreeplay$100.00
NuggetVisa Gift Card$25.00
Magnolias 29thTaco Salad$8.79
BinionsRibs$15.00
BinionsBurger$8.69
NuggetFreeplay on pts$35.00
Nugget Room 3 nights$575.00
Nugget - Bone JumperMeal on points$17.49
Man Bay Baking roomTue$138.00
Wed$176.00
Nugget points play$40.00
Man Bay Resort Credit$100.00
MILF Freeplay$85.00

Well, that was something. I was down more than that, but I'd raked in the comp value dollars so far.

Buttressed with this knowledge, I got my butt down to the casino, in search of my old lucky triple play machines and the lovely blonde cocktail waitress from previous trips. She was old enough that if people saw me flirting with her, they wouldn't think to themselves 'what a disgusting creep' as they would if I were flirting with a 20-youngthing cocktail waitress.

No, they would just think 'what a creep' and leave it at that. Everyone's a winner.

The machines were there, the blonde wasn't. And I behaved myself.

Broke the ice.
Smashed the ice. Dealt straight flush, very rare.
Melted the ice a bit more, with a fourth straight flush for the session.
As you can see, oddly, I got more straights flush than quads. Very unusual for triple play.

I had a hankerin' for some over-priced Mexican food so I headed down the long, long hallway, past the ceramic boobs and body parts, down... down... down... to the Border Grille.

I ended up in some weird basement dining cell with a bunch of assholes. There were assholes to the left. Assholes to the right. Assholes in front of me. My face puckered at the site. And they were all jabbering and laughing and having a good time.

So, I have not a fond memory of this meal. I got the chips and salsa. Ordered a water. Asked for some guac. And fell victim to the patented Border Grille Upsell.
Chips. Salsa. Nice little guac portion. Assholes.
I ordered some entree thing and it came and I just felt weird and out of place. It was sooo loud in my cement cell, all these assholes around, farting out loud words and phrases, squeaking and squealing, sporking and squeezing out little asshole smiles, and opening wide with cavernous flappy-fart laughs.

Was I hallucinating? I looked around at all the assholes, and looked up.

I definitely was losing my grip.

My entree came. It had been plated by an asshole.
Complete with corn.
It was sort of luke warm. I ate it so I could get away from the sphinctery assholes as soon as possible.

Sometimes you just can't even.

Know what I mean?

Some asshole, who wasn't my waiting asshole, but just another asshole buttocking his way around the dining cell, brought my check.

Guacamole. Nine dollars and fifty cents.

I felt like I had been punched in the asshole.

Then they had the nerve to suggest a gratuity - starting at 18%.

Fuck you. Where's 15%?

Where's 10%?


I was cranky as hell. There was no doubt about it.

When will I learn? The only way I am ever doing Border Grille again is for the all-you-can-munch lunch brunch. Now that, I can see as being a scenario where you could get your money's worth.

You'll be pleased to know that Todd B (an asshole) got his 15% and I said nothing to the other assholes that surrounded me in my dining cell.

My crankypants act was entirely internal.

I think maybe Vegas was wearing me out.

I then commenced to play a shitload of video poker, hitting a fifth straight flush, hitting lots of other things, but playing most of my money back. But I had a good lot of entertainment, a bunch of drinks, and I eked out a win by quitting when I was still up.








Then it came to me.

I should be playing the full pay quarter Loose Doose! Yeah, well, it's gone. Both machines, gone. That is, the machines are still there, but the game isn't on them anymore. More assholes.

I sort of wandered around, wishing I had hit a homerun on five-play but I hadn't, and then I did something very un-Flusherlike.

I played nickels. Sad, I know.

At least it was hundred play. Boner Deluxe.



Horribly short pay.

Degenerate.

As mentioned, I eked out a profit for the day - of $45. Almost covered price of the asshole guacamole.





Guacamole
Salsa chip
Like my Facebook
Get a grip!



Burma-Shave.


3 comments:

  1. I wonder what was more salty , the food or the Flusher....

    ReplyDelete
  2. I had tuna water tears running down my cheeks when I looked at your Border Grill entree and read how it was complete with corn. So funny! At least I know where NOT to eat!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I think the reason this made me laugh so hard/much was that it totally rings true. When you can't touch a decent win to save you're life, everyone and everything around you does become a total ass. Don't think I could have described it with RF's panache though!

    ReplyDelete

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