Wednesday, July 6, 2016

Heat Warning - Protect Your Sausage








Day 6 - Part 2

It's so hot that the chewing gum stuck to my foot was stretching out from the pavement like pink monsterella cheese.

It was so hot... (How hot, Flusher?) ...it was so hot that I saw the Keno guy putting his balls in cold water to keep them from melting. Keno ball jokes are so easy. Because balls. I rue the day that only the computerized Keno machines are left. Because then I'd be saying I saw the Keno guy putting his chips in cold water.
Speaking of Keno, the El Cortez has what looks like a pretty good promo special on for their 75th anniversary. Seventy five years...

The El Cortez is so old... (How old is it, Flusher?) ... it's so old... that the bedbugs have teeny walkers.

I filed away the 75 cent Keno special away in my vault of a brain, in the same place I filed the fact that I must make use of my $12 Groupon to see the Flatulent Magic of Tommy Wind! Hitting 6 out of 6 for $4,375 - well that would be a decent hit on a 75 cent ticket. Maybe when I was down and out, and the Keno Sheila I'd lipped off too last trip wasn't working the counter, and I could find 75 cents somewhere... maybe just maybe.

It looked great on the poster, but I had Jimmy Poon run an analysis on his Castio calculator watch and he says that the 75th anniversary games are all around 75% return. The 4 spot is the best bet at about 76.5% return - if you can call that the 'best' of anything.

Listen to Flusher - Don't Play Keno!!!

So, at the El Cortez, I had (gulp) a match play to do, and a coupon to Pick A ($10) Envelope!!!! They advertise that you can pick from $10 to as high as $10!!!

OK, so maybe the sign at the Pick A ($10) Envelope!!! drum says 'up to' $1000, but let's be real, you're getting $10 and not a penny more. (Those of you that got more are free to leave a comment telling me so.)

I did that, and the Slot Club Sheila opened it up and I had done it! I had won $10 in free slot play!!!

What to play it on? I was zero for five on match plays and had gum on my shoe, might as well stoop just a bit lower and play nickels. Double Double Bonus.

As I played I had this mental argument with myself. If I got a Royal, would I be pissed off that it wasn't on quarters or dollars? But it was still $200. Did I, or did I not, want $200 to appear on this machine right here? Or Aces kicker for that matter, for $100. Did I want it? Would I rather not have it so that I wouldn't have to kick myself for playing nickels? Where could I find good psychiatric help or an understanding life counselor in Flusherville?

Before long, I was down to two pulls. The only excitement was when I was dealt AAAkicker on a re-deal. Well guess what! Luck was with me, I won 250 nickels!!!

Gosh, I was having fun. Taking a crazy flyer on 9/5 Double Double nickels!!! I was living on the edge. On a wing and a prayer. Pushing the envelope. Chasing the video poker dragon!

I managed to get a cold beer delivered, but eventually, ran out of credits. Time to flim flam around. I made a pretty Scroungy move and checked out the Quad Queen's card. Hot damn, she had $35 free play on it for some reason!

For this, I played Bonus Poker in quarters at the lobby bar. Let's just keep it short - dumper.

Ok, regroup. I guessed I would have to play some stake money. I wanted to give those last Downtown Deuces machines a shot. They are a great play, and I realize now that I never, ever hit deuces on the damn thing. It's been years since I did. I now have a new on-going mission to hit the deuces on those before they fall apart, get taken away, or get downgraded. (Maybe they are so old that they can't be downgraded? A guy can hope.)

I burned through $45, got dealt three deuces once, and hit the felt. Time to walk. Back to the Golden Nugget, actually, where I'd confirm how much I'd won in the slot tournament, and play today's round.

One step outside the Smug Nugget, the gum on my shoe stopped sticking, completely gone from my soul.

The Nugget does not put up with that kind of thing.

I walked by the Big Bertha machine and noticed that the old reliable Big Bertha machine had been replaced with a new updated electronical Big Bertha machine. Is nothing bloody sacred to the bean dividers that run casinos???

At the slot tournament table I asked the Tournament Sheila about yesterdays results. They were posted on an easel off to the side. I skipped through the top ten, starting around eleventh spot, looking for my name to see how much I'd won the day before with my score of 59,040.

I looked, and scanned... I should be around 14th place, I thought, maybe higher? I started from the top and looked again. And then I found my name.

21st place.

One place out of the money.

Short by FOURTEEN lousy stinking points.

I sure hope to hell the person who came in 20th has a gambling blog where they can make a big foofarah about how they made it into the money and won $50 by just 14 points.

There was nothing to do about it except grit my teeth, and get on with winning today's tournament. And after I'd stopped crying behind a pillar for about fifteen minutes, that's just what I did.

Except for the winning part. So, yeah, I played my round and scored 39,000 some odd points. Man, I'd really had a shot the day before, just one more 3000 point top prize would have netted me some solid cash. Such is gambling life.

Time to move on. I had an LVA coupon for the Golden Gate, so that's where I headed. One nice thing about the Rush Tower is you can deke out the back door, head west, and in a minute you can be in either the Gate or the Plaza.
The good-looking, modern, non-descript back entrance of the 'Gate.
Speaking of back entrances, look who I spied playing black jack at the Golden Gate!
Dr. Raoul and Gambletron, holding court at the Gate.
Well, I said I was going to play more blackjack, so I joined 'em. And I bought in for $100. Because you need a decent buy-in to stay alive in this game. Not that that is super decent, but its more decent than say $5.00 and a bus coupon.

First things first... the LVA booklet. There were three coupons in there. A $25 match play. A 'pay 2:1 on your first blackjack'. And a 'free serving of pancakes' if you earned 25 points.

I'm reminded of the time Dr. Raoul threw that last coupon onto the felt in front of a dancing dealer, yelling, "Serve me your pancakes, they're gettin' cold!!!" that I made up. Well, it would have been great if that had actually happened.

Never one to be superstitious, I pounded out the $25 match play coupon on the first hand. Six times was a charm, right?


The $1K Scrounge Trip - June 2016: All Posts

Planning the $1K Scrounge Trip - June 2016

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3 comments:

  1. I got $20 free play at El Cortez. I also picked $20 at Ellis Island. Neener neener neener.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Best I've done is $25 from an ElCortez envelope (out of maybe 10 or so over the years)

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  3. I also got $20 at El Cortez and turned that $20 into....$0.

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