Saturday, July 23, 2016

Last Stand at the Poon Stang Corral






Day 11 - Part 4

There's something amazing about pulling in to hotel casino to check in, whether it's your first stop of a trip, or the last. There's a sense of excitement, of the unknown, of a story waiting to unfold. And as you walk across the threshold, you think to yourself, "Yes... yes! This is a place I can see myself getting an ass-kicking!"

The more optimistic of us might think, "Yes... yes! This is a place where... I might not lose as much as the other place!"

The delusional might think, "Yes... yes! I can win here! I'm puttin' it all on double zero!"

Put me somewhere in the middle, nothwithstanding the casino entrance tingly-wingly feelings.

But I'm getting a bit ahead of myself here. And being ahead of myself, I was also behind myself, which led me to scream, just like Mel Brooks, "Why didn't somebody tell me my ass was so big???!"

Sadly, I'd had to pay out $25 in cash to gas up the Poon Stang. Yes, gas it up, because it was going back to it's Poon Stang Corral. I bought gas well up the strip, so as to burn some before returning the car. Because free gas.

I had no problem at all dumping off the car. No damage, no issues. They have this down to a science now, one of the things in life that actually works the way it should. Complete efficiency. You pull in. You get out. There's a guy right there with a thing, and he dweedles some shit, and some beeps boop. He looks the car over for cow shit stuck to the fenders, makes sure you have all your crap, and you walk out of there, all in less than a minute.

I pulled the handle up on my luggage and turned to go.

"Goodbye sweet Poon Stang," I lamented. I could have sworn the car flashed its blinkers one time for me. "I'll never park in a Poon Stang Parking Only spot again without thinking of you."

Three minutes later, I'd ordered a Lyftber, and was waiting at the pick-up spot. My driver Tony was there two minutes later in a sparkling and spotless Kia Soul.

He ran around to help with the luggage, and let me into the back seat. And I entered a world of anal retention.

There were, to my nose, at least 14 different air freshener scents present in the Soul. The most prominent of these were Febreze for Frat Parties, Entire Pine Forest In Your Nose, and Orange Zest Processing Plant.

The interior was new-car clean, even though the Soul had 5 digits worth of mileage on the clock. The seats were swathed in seat covers, which protected the inner seat covers.

Holy shit, I was afraid to exhale, in case it set of some kind of "less than perfection" alarm.

I got talking to 'Tony' and he seemed to be a pretty nice guy. I asked him where he was from and he told me he was from Seoul.

And that's when it all clicked into place. South Korean. Of course!

The taxi drivers in Seoul wear white gloves. Perfection and service is built into the DNA of South Koreans of Tony's generation. I spent a couple of weeks there once, learning grommet production trade secrets from the Crafty Koreans who co-own Royal Canadian Veeblefetzer. Getting out of a taxi once, I witnessed the driver tidying the rear seat, checking for garbage, and actually straightening the seat belts for the next 'guest'.

The convo shifted into high gear (if not the Soul) once Tony learned that I'd been to Seoul, and knew how to spell it too.
The seat covers protect the inner seat covers.
And so it was that I found myself at Mandalay Bay, with a case of the heavily scented tingly-winglies. I used the MLife God line Gold line to check in, skipping a frighteningly long snake of people bearing luggage, waiting to check in.

Convention.

Mandalay Pay hosts a lot of conventions.

I did my best to sweet-talk the Check-in Sheila into giving me a free upgrade but she wasn't having it. I still got a pretty nice room, though, same trim level as the last one, which is to say, pretty nice indeed. Here are the new room pictures, just like the old room pictures.
The room comes equipped with beds, floor, and walls, perfect for being in.
Patented 'slopey-desks' make it fun to try to keep your sanity and stay on task, instead of chasing rolling pens and change.
Shower included. Bidet included. Water charges may apply.
'Magic' mirror often reflects what is put in front of it! Try your luck!
Be sure to inspect your privates with the wall-mounted 50x magnification portal. Great for self esteem!
Premium glass windows made with premium glass. Daylight charges may apply.
More to come!

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