Divana's Birthday Party Menu

I can't believe it took pretty much all of my Sunday to get packed. But it did. So many little details!

Printing things, taking pictures of traveller's check numbers, fussing with 800 electronic bits and pieces.

By six I was exhausted and nothing was in the suitcase.

But I pressed on, and I am now 95% ready to walk out the door, and on to Las Vegas, Nevada, where all things are possible, and the CTUG flows like wine at a beloved sister's birthday party.

I called my buddy, Chef Ian. Ian runs the Flusherville Beanery, which specializes in all things hummous, souvlaki, spanakopita, gyros, tzatziki, roasted potatoes, and greek salad of all things.

It might be because my big cookery friend is 6% Greek. His full name is Ian Opoulusopoulus.


Very cute, you're thinking. Well, is name is not really Ian Opoulusopoulus.

No, it's Vangelis Opoulusopoulus. Changed for obvious reasons. His brother Yanni Opoulusopoulus also changed his name - to Freedom Pie Opoulusopoulus. Millenials.

Chef Ian bought the Flusherville Beanery many years ago, and didn't change anything about the place, except the menu. That includes the fry oil.

"Chef Ian, I have to put a party together for my sister Divana," I said.

"Divana? The one that wears the feathers all the time?"

"That one."

"When is it?"

"Friday night."

"Aren't you busy packing for Vegas? You go on Saturday, right? Why can't Lamondo do it?"

I sighed.

We put together a Google Doc and came up with a menu for Divana's birthday party. Chef Ian says he can help me do the cooking just before the party.

"Royal," said Chef Ian, "I can cook for 15 in about 22 minutes. I do it all the time. Don't sweat it."

So, I'm going to show up with a couple of bags of groceries at the Beanery 23 minutes before the party and we're going to cook.

What could go wrong?!

Here's the menu.

Shitload of wine and beer, plus, possibly, some of Kenny Blankenship's cousin's moonshine.

Pulled pork with three sauces

• Smoky bbq
• Carolina mustard sauce
• Pineapple light spice sauce

Buns for the pulled pork, something not too chewy. If the bun is too chewy you end up wearing the pork on your lap.

Chicken skewers with satay sauce (I had to 86 the tzatziki idea)

Flusher's Special Dutch Oven Death by Coleslaw

Green salad of some kind

Cheese Selection Plate - Velveeta, Kraft Singles, Babybels, Laughing Cow Cheese, rained over with little bunches of over-ripe grapes

Country Throw-up Gravy

Those cupcakes Divana wanted

Three Firemen.

Divana is insisting that there be firemen at her party. With the number of candles on her cupcake, it's probably not a bad idea, but they have much better things to do than to hang around in full fireman garb, except bare chested, and pouring wine for the ladies.

So no firemen.

And I've told her that running out of Pinot Grigio is NOT a "call 911" situation.

I have a great start made on trip preparation. I also found two bottles of sauce, so the party food is practically MADE!!!!!