Saturday, December 17, 2016

Boner Deluxe Deluxe Deluxe





Day 13 - Thurs Nov 3 - part 1

With all the odds against you and machines are playing tight
You just can't hit a winner and your gotch ain't feelin' right
Grab your cash and grab your balls and run as fast as you can
Don't matter that you run bow-legged - GO WEST YOUNG MAN!
Not a bad pour there...
So, we'd given T.I. most of the play we'd planned to, and I was miffed at my host for not actually lifting a finger to help me out in any way while I looked like a dumpf in front of my cousin (Piffles!!!) and so I guess I could kiss goodbye the regular tips I'd handed out to my host, and so could they.

I'd had a pretty good experience checking out the Orleans and I wanted to see if the QQ liked it. 

So we saddled up, gritted our teeth against the wind and the sun and the rain, and drove the 7 minutes to the Orleans.


There's lots going on there, tons of places to eat, giveaways like the Ovary Plate promotion that seemed to have everybody and their dog carrying around an Ovary Plate or two.
They have meat loaf!!!
One of the attractions at the Orleans is a bank or two of good ole fashioned full pay Not So Ugly Ducks with the 16 10 pay table, gold enamel cover, and mag wheels. I haven't played enough deuces lately so I really wanted to have a good bash at these.



A kind of odd thing happened... I was faithfully playing deuces... and I kept getting natural quads. I didn't get mad, I just accepted it without question, because that is my gentle nature.

We started to mix it up a bit and the Quad Queen had a bash at Shock Wave Poker. If you get a quad, you have 10 hands to get a second one that pays the same as a Royal.
SHOCKWAVE!!!!

Note the paytable - quad, 4000 quarters.
She had an actual chance at it, being dealt three 7s. I guess you could argue that any hand at all is a chance at it. But this was a three sevens chance.

She fanned on it.

Here's the thing though.... I was hot.

I was so hot, I was steamin'. I was red hot. I looked like a stop sign with ears. A red hot stop sign, I guess?

The Quad Queen wanted to change machines, so we wandered around. I said it didn't matter to me where or what we played, since I was hot.

I played Bonus for a while and hit a couple of quads in short order. I didn't take pictures. One would think, oh, poor my, I had my allotment of quads and wasted them on Deuces and Bonus.

Not a hot little fucker like me.

I just shifted gears.

And I hit a couple of beauties.

I started cashing out tickets. I'd put in a twenty, rack it up to $60 or $100, and cash it out.

QQ started having some luck too, hitting ANOTHER round of Shockwave.

Fanned on it.

We moved to the bar. Didn't bother me. I just kept hitting more quads.




It seemed like a great time for a Corporate Burger, so we tried out the horribly named TGIFriday's or TGIFridays.

Now, is it a restaurant that belongs to some magical entity or maybe a person called TGIFriday?

Or, is it a restaurant that celebrates its collection of TGIFridays, as in multiples, as in more than one TGIFriday, whatever a TGIFriday is???

Hell, it don't matter where yous put the hyphen, it still don't make any dang sense!

The Corporate Burger was actually incredibly good!


So good, that I wish I'd ordered it instead of the Red Sauce Chicken Sandwich - with more Red Sauce, and some White Sauce. It tasted good but featured about 3oz of chicken. Phooey.

After eating, I wandered over to the BConnected desk to see what I could swipe for - by gum, I'd earned me an Ovary Platter!

I carried the stupid thing around for about four minutes. Everybody - I mean everybody had at least one of these things, and some folks two or three. Carrying around these 22" platters in their decorative gift boxes.

I do believe that the same marketing weenie genius that designed the elaborate packaging for SMARTWATCH may have mentored the junior marketing weenie genius that labored for so many long, long nights to come up with the stylish, distinctive, and thoroughly now concept encasing the wonderful OVARY PLATTER.

This is more than a box, it is a lifestyle statement, and that statement shouts clearly from the box, "GIVE ME THE FUCK AWAY TO SOME POOR SCHMUCK".

I found a guy that had three of them and just added to the pile. He sputtered a bit, and whined under the weight of the giant 22" butt-ugly treasure, but he had his hands full of ovaries, and anyone knows that you can't do much in that particular situation except sputter and whine.

After eating, we decided to just screw around on various carny video poker games, maybe playing some stuff we'd never tried before.

Mostly on nickels... 

I took a flyer on a slot and turned $5 into an $80 payday. Forgot the picture.

We had fun! So much fun! Button pushing, free from the Ovary Platter fun!


By the time it was over, which was hours and hours of play, I'd given back all my winnings. I'd dumped $400 at T.I. in 40 minutes and another $100 at Orleans having an absolute blast and getting my quad yayas out.

I'd hit 13 of them in total.

Back at T.I., we had a drink or two in the room, and played some keno, to celebrate a really fun day.
Sommellier Flushiepants
For dinner, we indulged in a little tomfoolery in the Flushiepants Official Business Card 2.0 category, and tried to tell the servers apart. I swear, there is this pair of them that just have to be sisters.



Capt. Artery's Pirate Bounty o' Fries.

T.I.'s famous Monochrome Soup.


RF: Day -$520 Trip -$5575
QQ: Day -$220 Trip -$1230
Combined: -$6805
That's a lot of wontons, Chico.


4 comments:

  1. I'm sorry I read this drunk I'll go back tomorrow and remember it. Happy Chrimbo

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  2. I sure the hope the winnings on this trip improve for you and The Quad Queen. BTW, what's up with 'vegetabes' at Orleans? I was waiting for one of your inspired comments... Betty

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Betty, even my inspiration has an expiration date. Sorry this fell into the 'best before' caption bucket. :)

      Delete
  3. We actually brought the platter home. I saw one woman with about 15 of them and she said she told her family that she had their Christmas presents already taken care of!- Vice from Las Vegas4ever

    ReplyDelete

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