Friday, March 31, 2017

Stop Pulling on my Brain Pubes!







Last day of March and exactly 3 months since my broke, sad, sick carcass lurched its way homeward, broke and disgusted, to the cold frozen North where I sat broke for a long while, thinking about 'what I had done'. Because broke.

I was moving through life, checking the boxes, but the old ways started to tug on my mental short and curlies.

"Flusher..." said the Old Ways. "Flusher... come back..."

The voice of the Old Ways is halfway between a whisper and a more forceful shrieky kind of whisper.

I tried to ignore them, since I was doing penance for my horrible 2016.

"Flusher..." said the Old Ways. "Flusher... come back... you fucking degenerate..."

"Shut UP Old Ways!" I screamed, mentally. "And stop pulling on my brain pubes! There are better ways to get attention, for fuck's sake. Besides, can't you see I'm watching April the Giraffe wander around on backwards legs and shitting giraffe poo?"

As I said, I was checking the boxes, looking forward to better weather to come, but not much else. And I realized, I am much more engaged and happy when I have a trip coming. The planning is half the fun, plus I get to blog about it, and plan stupid shit to do to blog about while I'm there, and blog while I'm there, and blog about it some more when I get home.

"Blogging is really a great creative mood enhancer," I said to the Quad Queen. "It's therapeutic. In fact, with my winter S.A.D., I'm pretty sure my Doctor would subscribe it to me, if he could."

"Broke," said the Quad Queen.

"If I only had a trip to look forward to, why I could -"

"BROKE."

So a few more weeks went by.

"Fluh-sherrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr... Vey-gaaaahhhhhsssss... Fluuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhh- sherrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr... (youfuckingdegenerateyou)..."

The fact is, things are not going so well at Royal Canadian Veeblefetzer, where I earn a pittance of a living hand-vulcanizing millions of size 7 grommets destined for crates to be unopened for years in the Chinese market.

All things are cyclical, and we had some job cuts. They cut size 9 grommets. They cut size 5 grommets. They halved size 6 grommet production. And about 10% of the Royal Canadian Veeblefetzer staff was let go.

So, we are worried about our jobs, but the way I figure it, I am about a 1 in 9 shot to get nailed in the next round.

And something else magical happened. Jimmy Poon tells me that when layoffs occur in a company, the stock market loves it and shares of that company go up. Because costs are cut, so profits are higher, percentage wise.  The parts of Veeblefetzer that the Pesky Belgian and Crafty Korean consortium doesn't own are traded on the FSE. And some options that I was granted in 1992 were suddenly worth... a Vegas Bankroll!!!

"Screw you Old Ways, I'm planning a trip to Vegas - single-o!"

"Flusher... What happens on the pass line... Stays on the pass line..."
Giraffe Selfies
With that in mind, I engaged in a re-read of Sam Grafstein's amazing book on serious craps, The Dice Doctor.

And then I started figuring out how to do Vegas differently, on a $3,000 bankroll. And then I spent four hours looking at every fucking possible different flight in the universe on a million and one travel sites.

My mood immediately improved from 'tongue-frozen-to-metal-laundry-pole' to 'Sunny-skies-with-chance-of-an-evening BJ'.

Lots, lots, lots more to come!

3 comments:

  1. dont rent a car cause parking fees just went up again. good luck and dont let those slot machines masquerading as video poker lure you into the deep end.

    ReplyDelete
  2. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zo2rkKXL2gk

    a gentle reminder before your next trip

    ReplyDelete
  3. RF. Regarding QQ's response to your desire to book a trip, I offer this possibility. What we have here is a failure to communicate. She used the word "BROKE". You merely took a break from Vegas to ponder things. Homophone, see? You took a break, she used past tense of brake, like you put on the brakes. Same thing. Go ahead and get out there already.

    ReplyDelete

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