Monday, June 12, 2017

The Beauty of the Inept Gambler





Day 4 - Fri May 19, 2017

This was originally published live during the trip. It's pretty solid, because free cappuccino. So I'm gonna let it stand and move on.

What's better than starting the day with a $5 cappuccino from Starfricks? Starting a day with a $1 cappuccino from Wynn's cocktail goddesses.

I had the most amazing sleep Thursday night, only 6 hours, but only one blue line in my Fatbit app. That tells me I slept well. I sleep better in Vegas than anywhere else. Including bed.

(This is ironic because I actually fell asleep at the Beeeffalooo! machine around 1:45am last night - trying to either win or go out).

After getting dressed and exercising the morning toothbrush optional ritual, I hauled ass across a couple of bridges and found myself soiling the plush, freshly cleaned carpeting of Wynn Las Vegas with my 'not worthy' Pig Pen walking cloud of dust.
My technique is for advanced casinohunds only, but I'll share it here. When you desire a drink, coffee, or other libation at a time when the casino is not busy, do not sit down and pray that a CW shows up. You could be there until one of the tuxedo wearing Wynn cleaning staff is brushing cobwebs off of you.

Here's what you do:
You perform a circuit of the casino, doing a visual cleavage scan, in hopes of locating a CW. When you find one, intercept! Ask where she is serving, and hopefully, she'll take your order and you can tell her generally where to deliver the goods.

The other key piece of advice is to haunt the secret entrances to the CW's drink caves, where unnamed bartender chimps prepare paw crafted mint juleps, mojitos, martinis, and Royal Flushers.

When you see a CW go in or out, POUNCE!

Before long, I found myself seated at a very nice Beeffalooo! machine, delicious, hot, freshly brewed cappuccino at my side. Cost: $1 tip.

I was playing 60 cents a spin. I leaned over to fuss with my coffee and as I righted myself, left hand on the Beeffalooo! console for balance, I was surprised to see (and hear) that I'd executed a spin on the machine.

What the flying fuck?

I'd hit the $8 a spin button with my pinky, just brushed it. Aghast, I watched as what looked like nothing much spun into view.

But wait! The stupid machine started ringing up credits. I'd hit some combination of Ms. Senior USAs for a quick and easy $100 win!

That's the beauty of this town, and inept gambling in general.

I enjoyed two capps and then headed over to the Peppermill for breakfast. There was pretty much nothing unenjoyable about the entire experience.

Peppermill's 'Munch' Skillet. Assume Munch is a Name not a Verb.


What a great way to start the day in Las Vegas!





4 comments:

  1. you always kick a$$ Flushiepants... always look forward to a good read when you post, and never let me down. keep up the good work :) oh, and make sure when you NAIL that royal after you parlay up to a , you call the Quad Queen to congratulate the both of you. have a good trip

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  2. I am so jealous. It is five months since my Las Vegas fix. Please continue allowing me to live vicariously!!

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  3. Some savvy $8 betting there ;) (When I do that, I get zippo!)

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