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Sunday, September 17, 2017

Willy Wanker Wonka Wins






Four Queens Neon Las Vegas

I have to re-iterate - we were full of 'the most amazing' Gourmet Grilled Cheese and fries elevated to fries in a little metal basket.

It really was delicious!

The sandwich reads like this on the menu:


Gourmet Grilled Cheese 7.99

Caramelized grilled cheese with shredded American and smoked Gouda cheese on sourdough bread, cursed with garlic butter and parmesan cheese

Add ham or bacon 9.99

Add bacon???? Do you think we might have opted for this? Hell yes! In fact, I'm going to start a gofundme to cover the cost of starting a petition to have "Add bacon" an option on all menu items.

Including bacon.

In fact, I have a great idea. Go to Magnolia's Veranda. Sit down. Be greeted by the Server that Calls me Sugar Baby. Order nothing.

Add bacon, $2.

Add back again. $2 more.

It could work!

The Four Queens has undergone a re-arrangement of the floor. There is good news and bad news.


The good news is, the new layout makes it much, much easier to navigate along the length of the casino. You know, to get from one losing machine to the next.


The bad news? The pit is expanded and is chock-a-block full of hateful 6-5 blackjack tables that are chock-a-block full of Fremont painted boob-ogling bare butt male angel tipping 128oz bright red drink in a plastic tombstone cup toting one credit at a time playing walking beer ad mooks that lumber up and down Fremont street. In other words, customers.

And just like Crankyflushiepants, they seem to be having an excellent time.

I do have to say, though, people on the internets anecdotally relate that there are more homeless people, more panhandlers, and more untalented and tasteless 'performers' than ever before. And that was certainly my experience this time.

Walking from the Plaza up to the Cal on the west side of Main street I saw eight or ten drugged out rubbies. And I saw two guys lighting up a crack pipe in one of the little nooks on the side of the Fremont - about 15 yards from the canopy.

Downtown has fixed it's popularity problem over the last 10 years - and it may also be its demise if they don't figure out how to get these people some help - or at least, some proper 3:2 blackjack tables at the Four Queens.

Four Queens Casino Las Vegas

More about the Four Queens play we did...

After dinner, I pointed my greasy cheese-bacon finger over at the Silver Strike machines, you know, the ones not far from the sports book (which fits in a regulation size phone booth and comes with it's own carrying case) that never let me down.

Funk Lucky picked a machine and I plopped down on the one next to his. On about his third spin, Funkhouser hits the SILVER STRIKE! logo and, after sufficient circling, grinding, and a few false starts, the Double Diamond machine poops out his first ever Silver Strike coin, suitable for hiding in the sock drawer for ten years, or cashing in immediately for ten dollars.

A minute later, SILVER STRIKE! He gets another one. I managed my own Silver Pooper Strike and of course, Funkhouser gets a third.

No real damage done, he finishes up $10 and I finish down $10.


Our next stop was the Golden Nugget. We hadn't planned to go there, but took refuge from the racket of the hourly FSE show. I think the E is for Eardrum. On the way in we passed a family with a couple of kids in strollers. How they can subject them to that mayhem I have know idea.

You're probably thinking about the saying "If you think it's too loud, you're too old!". No, its not that. I'm too DEAF! And I don't particularly want any more noise damage unless it is a 4 hour E Street Band show or a Beatles Resurrection and Reunion.

Do you think I'm fussing? Cranky? Colicky? Won't go down for my nap? Perhaps wet? Yeah, probably. But I hate to think of kids that young suffering irreversable "parents". ear damage. You only get one set in life, until they figure out that stick cell GMO laser surgery stuff I keep reading about once and for all.

Christ what an unprovoked unnecessary rant that all turned into. Where was I?

Nugget!

We walked through and then spotted a couple of likely-looking BEEFALOOO!!! machines. Of course, we had to. We just did.

I have to say, though, one thing about the Nugget - it's chock-a-block full of hateful 6-5 blackjack tables that are chock-a-block full of Fremont BMW convertible-ogling gorgeous 46 bar dealer tipping chocolate fondue 'martini' in actual glasswear toting $5 slot playing walking Chanel ad mooks that take limos to Fremont street. In other words, customers.


We got BEEFALLOOOO!!! going and Funk Luck again brought me Flusher Luck - I hit three roundies which triggered the Ringing Bell transitioning into dum-diddy-dum guitar music Bonus round!

Second free game of 8 I hit a couple of roundies for five more free games. Then I hit a really good set of Buffaloes with multipliers - like $40 worth. And then five more free games.

When it was all over, and the buffalo chips had settled to the hoof-torn dusty prairie I'd won $75 or so on a 60 cent bet. If only they could all be like that!

Buffalo Gold Bonus Round Jackpot

Internet. Speaking of the internet, I had to laugh at one provocative comment on a video I posted of a $500 Beeefffaloooo!! bonus round. The comment: "Faked."

Can you imagine what it would take to fake a Buffalo? First, you'd need a shitload of newspaper and thin country throw-up glue...

I got in line to cash out. The machine by the sports book... what a stupid place for a cash-out machine. The line always blocks the aisle and people are always fighting to get through their.

I've had Jimmy Poon draft a letter in his Elfin Pidgin English indicating that his computer modeling has produced a simulation scenario that indicates they should turn that fucker 90 degrees so the line-up would go west, right by that slot-playing babe with no legs.

Hope there isn't a hair Tigger.
We moved on. To the Golden Gate. Funk wanted to see the new entrance. I'd already had a look, and I bit my tongue. I wanted to tell him "This is a total fucking waste of space in a 300 square foot casino and won't last 6 months until Darrin Stevens figures out that he's used 15% of his floor for a BUNCH OF FUCKING TVs."

I realize I titled this Willy Wonka Wanker Wins when there is no Willy Wanker Wonka action included Whatsoever. I decided to split this post. The Wanking Wins Will be Weavealed!

R.F.




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