Thursday, April 24, 2014

Who Cares About All This Shit? Let’s get to VEGAS!

Day 2

I got my perogies out of bed at first light and surveyed the sump problem. There was about 10 feet of hose that I could pull out of the snow, nearest the house. Then there was about 10 more feet ice, as frozen solid as Jack Dawson’s Titanic balls.

With apologies to Jack, I knew what I had to do - cut the hose. I cut it, and the first 10 feet looked clear. But had I burned out the pump!

I won’t dick around here - the pump worked. Disaster averted, and I was clear to go to Vegas.

Work dawdled of course and finally it was time to head to the Aerodrome. I parked, went into the terminal aka repurposed Sunglass Hut from the now shuttered Flusherville Mall, and stuffed my keys into my bag. It was pretty tight in there, and I was worried the buttons would press, so I dug them out again, and stowed them in my computer bag.

“Is that the same Flusherville Aerodrome Bunker as the Superpipercub PT-69 as Mrs. Flusher flew in yesterday?” I asked the pilot. “It looks different somehow.”

“We installed blended winglets on the top wing. It’s as much as 3 miles an hour faster now.”

“Wow, that’s like a 6% increase!”

It was an uneventful flight (except for flying under a few train bridges) and I soon found myself running the airport gauntlet at Pearson. The usual. Fifty different people look at your credentials. Customs officer. Security. Lay out your possessions on the conveyor. Drop trou and spread your cheeks if selected for a ‘personal’ inspection.

The Singin’ Luggage man I've seen before was on duty, singing his happy luggage song:

“Hello my darling, let me see you smile,
Your pretty face makes me so happy,
I’m the Singing Luggage Man and I love you all,
Put your luggage wheels up and have a nice day!”

For some reason, they waved me to the Nexus line and it was actually pretty great. Fast, fast, fast. I must look into this.

Next stop was the Maple Leaf Lounger, where you could, well, lounge around. Fortunately, through some of my fast money wheeling and dealing of applying for and cancelling credit cards to get sign-up bonuses, somewhere along the way, I’d been mailed a voucher for the Lounger.

Feeling like a real important somebody, the kind of guy that was on his way to Vegas for GrommetCon 2014, and was packing a Lounger entry voucher, I walked in and found a place to set up.

The goal? Make dinner out of nibblies.

They had some light salads and this and that and it was all very good. The only problem was, there was no real food. Nothing with meat or cheese.

But there was an open bar with cold draught beer on tap and even hard liquor.

I put my feet up, chugged a beer, and burped, blowing a bit of quinoa salad out my nose. Totally, totally, the free voucher Royal Flusher Way.

Once I was stuffed with booze and rabbit food, I stole a half dozen apples, some bananas, and about 300 mints and stuffed them in my computer bag.

As I write all this I realize - who cares about all this shit? Let’s get to VEGAS.

And so I did. Had the cattle call, which was uneventful, but took forever. But finally we were loading the plane. When I put my computer bag in the overhead, I saw that I’d forgotten to zip it shut and I’d been trailing Maple Leaf Lounger mints throughout the airport. Rookie mistake. I zipped up, stuffed my bag (with great difficulty) into one of the puny 767 bins on this Clusterrouge GO OR E flight, sat down, plugged in, and zoned out, except for one trip to the head to whiz.
Rouge: FAIL
As I mentioned, these flights are never on time and we didn’t leave Toronto until 10:00pm. That meant not arriving in Vegas until almost 3:00am my time.

I'd orderd a limo - a sedan - from Presidential Limo and it was waiting for me - a beautiful Escalade. The driver, Mike, was so friendly and easy to talk to that I said, “You know what, how about I just ride up front?”

It was like being driven around by an old buddy. No pretenses, and relaxed. It was the way I like it. We've used Presidential a bunch of times and having the right drivers makes all the difference.

Mike rolled the Escalade up to the Flush tower entrance at the Smug Nugget and I slipped Mike a $20 bill. The Quad Queen was there, and we dumped my stuff in the room, and hit the casino!

It was great to be back not sick. We hit the bar near the Sports Book for some video poker and a few drinks and I was off and running. I did hit a quad but played it back. Forgot the picture.

“So where are all YOUR quad pictures?” I asked.

“I lost my ass today.”

Indeed, she had lost over five bills. Not a good start to the trip.

I had my own opening night jitters, dumping $200.

Quad Queen -$540 on the day, -$800 on the trip
Royal Flusher -$200 on the day, -$200 on the trip