Sunday, December 10, 2017

Lucky Honey

It was time to turn around. Cairns was the end point of our trip and we were headed back to Sydney.

"I'm going to miss,  Cairns" I said. "I really enjoyed the Great Barry Reefer trip."

"How come you are always using wrong words for things?"

"Because that's what a numerologist does. Next question."

I had my final bash at free breakfast in the Horizon Club lounge, said so long to Sheila Holly, one of my favorite lounge Sheilas, and we headed out.

Down the elevator... to the lobby... with our stuff... to summon... Uber.

Well, shit, I had recently been assured that my account was all fixed up. Of course, there was only one way to find out for sure.

Saturday, December 9, 2017

Swooping Magpies Attack

Cairns Australia is a beautiful little city on the north coast of Australia. It's heavily supported by tourism, and is loaded with businesses that cater to them, but it's still retained its charm.

On our last evening in Cairns, we took a walk around and looked at some stuff and searched out something for dinner.

This idyllic walkway was great until the birds attacked. Goddamn swooping Magpies!
There's a picturesque walkway through an archway of beautiful trees leading across the edge of the park adjacent to the Shangri-la hotel where we stayed. We strolled through there and noticed the birds were very 'active'.

They were flapping and chirping and squawking and fowling.

We stopped to take a couple of pictures of the park, and that's when then they started swooping. And then we both got hit from above by 'stuff'.

Great. I traveled12,000 miles from home just to get shit on by some stupid fucking birds.

We made the appropriate shouts of disgust, and did the magical levitation dance of the flailing arms, accompanied by frantic wiping.

Thursday, December 7, 2017

More from the Great Barrier Reef

The next thing up was a fish feeding demonstration.

It was actually pretty cool. A guy named Matt threw dead fish in the water.

The big fish swarming around would eat them.

But here's the thing. Their eyesight is so good that they can see the fish in the air and they swim to where they are going to be.
Kind of like how guys used to go to Cleopatra's Barge at 3:00am.

Matt and some fish.

If you look closely, you can see the flying fish. The big hungry guys are headed to where they will land - fair dinkum!
We lined up to go on the semi-submersible, which is a fancy way of saying 'glass sided boat'. To my shock, nudity was allowed and even encouraged.

Tuesday, December 5, 2017

The Great Barrier Reef -or- Ernesto Puts His Vest On

Good thing the helicopter pilot has one good eye - that platform is tiny!
"Hey," I said to the Quad Queen. "Wanna see one of the seven wonders of the world?"

And with that, I unzipped.

"Yup, it's only one seventh what it should be. No wonder," she replied.

In all seriousness, and fully zipped up, we were off to see one of the truly wonderful places on the planet - the Great Barry Reefer.

The Reefer (fine, Great Barrier Reef) stretches for some 1400 miles, and is extremely hard to light, but provides a warm, blue buzz.

We'd booked a day out on the Reefer Magic poonton platform. They have a pretty nice, fast catamaran that takes you out there - it's miles from shore - and a permanent platform floating on poontons.

We headed over to the meeting point, which is actually a terminal for all the tour operators doing cruises out of Cairns. The Reefer is big business.

We got processed and headed out to the catamaran. It wasn't the greatest day in Cairns - it's often overcast in the morning - but it looked a lot nicer out in the ocean.

Sunday, December 3, 2017

Hot Bird Eyes Chilly Flavour Pokies

I'm posed with five playing cards. I don't know what denominations they are. I've been told to pretend I'm looking at your crotch. Marketing!
After a long day of traveling, followed by a long late afternoon of mooning passing boats from the glassed in bathroom, I was too tired to head out and forage for food.

There were a few restaurants essentially right below our room, along the boardwalk facing the water.

"I feel like Chinese food or stir fry or something," I said.

"Okay, when you go to get it, get me a cheeseburger and fries," ordered the Quad Queen.

"Look, every single time we land somewhere, and we're both exhausted, it's always me taking your order, and going searching for miles to bring your food. Why can't you go and do it this time, there's a Chinese place right downstairs."

"I don't know how to order Chinese."

"You just... just order it!" I bellowed.

"I'd get it wrong. I don't know anything about the crap you eat. I'd probably end up ordering chicken paws or something by mistake."

"Chicken... paws?"

"And hot and stupid soup."

"Hot and sour."

"And chicken paws."