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Monday, September 9, 2013

Coming Soon to a Degenerate Blog Near You


Starts this Saturday, December 28th! Will it be savvy?... or degenerate?

Meanwhile.... try this instead.







Saturday, September 7, 2013

Flight Home Over The Blue Moon

The 20th Anniversary Blue Moon Cheapstravaganaza trip was winding down.

On the last day I'd had a phenomenal run of decent sized wins and if it kept going, paying the out of pocket expense, or at least a decent portion thereof, was in sight.

I was extremely pissed at myself for losing back $360 of winnings on the last night. Just as much as I couldn't lose earlier, I couldn't win in the evening.

One of the reasons I never get tired of this game is that in the short term it is completely unpredictable.

I figure it's my challenge to try to make sense of the ups and downs, the trends, the lucky streaks - while keeping the long-term math and strategy in mind - all the while, to try to take more out of Vegas than it takes out of me.

Having a break-even trip is not easy. Having a winning trip is incredibly difficult. Sometimes it comes down to whether you have the discipline to stop playing just so that you can book the win.

So there I was, pissed. Not just pissed, but the kind of pissed a 2 year old gets when the ice cream scoop falls off the cone into the sand.

One has to take responsibility for one's actions in these situations, and I responsibly called up Jimmy Poon and tried to blame him.

"Jimmy, goddammit, I had an almost $400 lead today and blew it all back," I blubbered.

"Royal Flusher, are you crying again???..." said Jimmy Poon, serious as a heart-attack.

"No."

At least Jimmy understood the seriousness of my fuck-up.

And then I could hear that elfin high-pitched giggle, muffled. He had his hand over the phone.

"Stop laughing at me! Or I'll throw away the porn-slapper cards I collected for you."

"Flusher... you have to ask yourself - am I here to book a win, or am I here to play? What are you going to do with the rest of the night? Sit in your room watching 4 minute segments of American Greed sandwiched by 7 minutes of ads for As Seen On TV grooming products? Or are you going to take advantage of the night?"

I watched American Greed for 20 minutes. And stewed. I packed. I stewed. If I went downstairs, I'd risk having a break-even day, and a winning trip.

I grabbed a hundred bucks and headed to the casino.

So, as you read, I decided to play the high volatility crap game and managed a quad on it, to book a win for the day.

---

The next day, I got up and the same questions loomed. I showered and got everything ready to go. I even banged out a blog update.

And I took $100 and went down the the casino.

I played here and there and it was all just no good. The kind of session that eats your money. There went a good piece of my winning trip.

There I was, pounding out hand after hand of nothing, and, so help me Quad, I heard "Leaving Las Vegas" playing on the Cal sound system.

(Calling the Cal's tin-eared speakers a 'sound system' is like calling a tricycle an 'All Terrain Vehicle'. But that's another blog post.)

I had time to grab breakfast, and then haul ass upstairs and get my gear ready for the limo. They make a pretty good omelette at the Market Square.


Only ate half a piece of toast - Vegas Diet!
The whole airport thing is so old. I answered a bunch of typical questions from the limo driver. Got my stuff, tipped the driver. Got boarding passes and ran the wedgie-pull security gauntlet.

Of course, there are machines at the airport.

And I had time to kill.

So I burned through about $60 and finally got a quad on Triple Double Bonus. One of my dreams is to pull off a royal at the airport. Hasn't happened yet.


I burned through the quad trying for either a royal or Aces with kicker for $1000. But it wasn't happening. I'd ended up with three Aces and a kicker, twice. And four to a royal. And that doesn't count.

So I ate through another $160 of my win, leaving me (counting the $10 Four Queens Silver Strike coin) with a win of exactly $100 for the trip.

This is cause for celebration. I felt tired and ready to be home. Grateful that I didn't lose my shirt. Grateful for the good luck I'd had and the comps I'd gotten. Grateful that there are folks out there willing to read my ridiculous degenerate (yet cunningly savvy) drivel.

And yet, a few questions remain...

When will I be back in Vegas? I don't know.

How much weight did I gain (or lose!!!!) on the Royal Flusher Vegas Diet?

Why do I play keno?

Am I some kind of fucking idiot?

Don't answer the last one. Jimmy Poon will answer it for you.

---

Some stats:


Stake Have Win/Lose Trip





Tues 20 300 400 100 100
Wed 21 600 100 -500 -400
Thu 22 600 550 -50 -450
Fri 23 400 900 500 50
Sat 24 580 0 -580 -530
Sun 25 320 200 -120 -650
Mon 640 1000 360 -290
Tue 460 0 -460 -750
Wed 400 860 460 -290
Thu 600 0 -600 -890
Fri 240 900 660 -230
Sat 24 400 0 -400 -630
Sun 400 1070 670 40
Mon 200 360 160 200
Tue 200 260 60 260
Wed 170 0 -160 100

Win of $100.00 this trip.



As you can see, winning and losing days roughly alternated. This is a good thing.

Here's the comps I got - I valued the rooms at what I would pay out of pocket for them.


Comps Aug 20/2013 to Sep 4/2013



20-22 MSS 3 nights 150
Tues Cal 2's company 5
Wed MSS Buffet Lunch  10
Wed Pasta Pirate 20
Thu Lunch buffet 10
Thu dinner buffet 14
Fri Magnolias 10
23-24 FQ room 100
Fri FQ Freeplay 30
Fri FQ QQQQ Bonus 75
Sat FQ Freeplay (K) 80
Sat The D Freeplay 5
25-27 Encore Room 450
Mon Magnolias comps 22
Mon FQ Cashback 31
Mon Wynn freeplay 32
28-29 MGM Suite 250
Wed MGM comp 50
Thu MGM Express 12
Fri MGM Freeplay 25
Fri MGM complaint $56
30-04 Cal room comp 250
30-04 Cal food 200
Fri Cranberry juice pts 4
Fri Royal t-shirt 10
Sat Pasta Pirate 20

Lattes pts 12
Tues Redwood 40

Total: $1,973

I paid out of pocket $700 for airfare (thanks, Air FU Canada), $300 for the rental car, $150 or so for Encore meals (hi Allison!), and about $12,000 in cocktail waitress tips.

So what's next?

Well, next up, I'm going to maybe do a Q&A based on comments and emails I got, and I have Linda Boyd's book The Video Poker Edge to review, so c'mon back for that!

Yours savvily,

Royal Flusher





Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Turning Twenties Into Hundies

Today would be another one of those Web Conference days. Norbert back at Royal Canadian Veeblefetzer, where I slave out a living manhandling tiny size 7 grommets, had set up a beauty on personal hygiene called "Remove That Grease From Everywhere - Not Just a Hand Job Anymore".

I had to squeeze some gambling in around a full day of this kind of mesmerizing content.

First stop, coffee, second stop, some quads in The Cal's homey casino, including one on my seventh hand of the day.It was a good little session, netting me a $60 win.



Back in the room, I started the caloric day off right with a satisfying, healthy, delicious breakfast of creamery non-fat wallpaper paste and fresh roasted tree nuts. MMM mmmm.


The Keno numbers didn't look good - there was no earth-shattering win overnight and there weren't many games left to go.

The Web Conference took most of the morning and by lunchtime I was ready for real breakfast for lunch and had what was actually a very delicious omelette at the counter in the Market Street coffee shop.


Was the receipt a harbinger of Aces to come???...


I had to make a trip to the front desk to pick up a package and just happened to wander by a dollar machine - I ramped $20 up to $80 and cashed out a $60 win, again.

Later, in an afternoon break, the 50 cent progressive, which was up to $2800 for the Royal, called my name. I put $20 in and took $100 out. It seemed like all I could do was turn twenties into hundies! I tried another and it bombed, but now I was up $180 for the day.

You all know this is pretty sweet for the last full day of a trip, right.


Tried a slot machine - $20 in, $80 out. So now, I was up $260 on the day and $460 on the trip. If I kept my wits about me and used discipline, I could pretty much assure a winning trip.


The final tally on the $125 500-game keno ticket was $59.75. Not exactly a savvy play, but it was fun for some of you. And it kept me interested during the "Prevent the Scourge of Oral Multilaria" afternoon Web Conference.


Lost $20 in Super Double Triple Millionuple Fucker Bonus and lost it and then put $20 a BP machine, got a couple of quads, played half an hour at 50 cents, and cashed out $120. Taking Keno into account I was up $320 on the day?



Would this never end?!

Work duties were finally done, and I put all my cash away except $160. I headed down to the casino, got a cocktail and tried that damn dollar Treasure Chest again, and of course lost. And then I lost $160 over 45 minutes.

Obviously things had turned. But I still had a lot of profit for the day.

Because the Quad Queen had been such a good sport about this trip, I got her on the knock-off piPhone 3.14 and let her call the shots, giving her the play by play.

Well, it cost me. Her choice was $40 in $2 Double Double, which we promptly lost, dollar Treasure Chest which we lost, dollar Bonus Deluxe, which we lost, twice.

I hung up on her before I went broke! Talk about The Cooler!!!

Well, I'd have to win back the stake. With the last $20 I had on me, I got busy on quarters, parlaying it up to dollars. I needed to take out $180 to nullify the Quad Queen Effect. I went up. I went down to $15. I went all the way up to $170.



Had a shot at a dollar royal...


And this is as close as I came.
Un-savvy draw.



No royal. But I had a full hour of dollar play (good for the comps!) on just $20.

Got a comp for the Redwood Grille for dinner. It was pretty good but the server was like a bus-driver waiter. No finesse, not engaging, and didn't even check on my meal even though there were only five other tables. He literally dumped the little mints on the table in front of me. All he wanted was for me to eat, tip him, and get out. I didn't stiff but I did undertip.

Bread on a Stick
Not a bad Single Lonely Diner Table
Crab wonton - did they have to be deep-fried?

Salad - not enough prizes!
Filet Mignon
Mints exactly where the waiter dumped 'em
I went back to get a bit more playing money, making sure I didn't go past the break-even point for the day. How can such a great day go in the shitter so quickly?

Losing $80 in blackjack in 7 minutes, that's a good example of how.

I played my last $20 and at one point, played my last credits, but managed to win a couple of hands. And I ended up getting the Aces. So never say die!



I played that string out at 50 cents and that was it. I ended up even on the day.

Watching TV in the room, I realized I had to check for yet another package, so I was forced - FORCED!!! - to walk through the casino.

And I took a flyer on some ridiculous paytabled high-volatility Frankenmachine and managed to squeeze out a $60 win, after putting two emergency twenties into it.


And that's where I finished the day, up $60, my third winning day in a row, and up $260 for the trip.

I had one more duty to perform - hand-deliver a coveted R.F. business card to molymilker who was camped out at the bar at the Four Queens. I did just that and came back to The Cal and went to bed.

Sorry this entry isn't as hy-sterical as usual, but I wanted to bang it out before heading for.... the airport.




Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Shame, That

With the end of the trip getting near, I played it safe, putting only $200 in my stake before heading out to get a latte at Lappert's.


Dropped $40 in Bonus Poker and $20 on dollar Treasure Chest - a quad on it still eludes me. I have sunken a shitload of Treasure into that Chest this trip.

Took a quick shot at various things here and there employing my patented "Hit and Lose" strategy.

I tried $20 in super volatile low pay Super Double Double Triple Quadruple Quintuple Bonus trying for any of the premium quads. Well, I got on a bit of a run, getting quite a bit of dollar play in.

No kicker. What a difference that would have made!


Ate a healthy breakfast in the room with wonderful cashews, luscious mango, delightful non-fat all natural yogurt - it was fucking horrid. But good for me. (It wasn't really horrid, that's just there for humors.)

Had an errand to run - return the car to the Four Queens. The valet guy at MSS was on track to set the world's fastest valet return - he took my ticket, grabbed keys and ran across the driveway into the open air lot, hopped in the car, pulled out. Stopped. Reversed back into the spot.

Yeah, he almost gave me the wrong car.

We had a chuckle about it and I dumped the car back at the Four Queens. Had a coffee with the crew there and found some luck on the bartops, with only $20 in.





$20 in, $120 out - and I found myself up on the day.

Played some dollar 9/6 Boner Deluxe (yes you VP mavens, I found a way to get to the full pay BDLX). I lost $120, pounding on it. No quads.


Took a flyer $20 on the super volatile low pay Super Double Double Triple Quadruple Quintuple Sextuple Fucker Bonus and ran it up to $100. Cashed it out. Put in another $20. It went away, and so did another one.

Enjoyed Health Lunch at the Fremont buffet and then some full pay Pick'em beside loyal reader Lyn, who I'd met yesterday. I was dealt a shot at the Royal (which pays $1500, which I've never gotten) and we shrieked as the fourth royal card came up, and then a suited card and the credits started to ring, but it was yet another near miss flush, and not the savvy Royal draw I'd hoped for. Shame, that.


Kept the profit, cashing out $60.

The Almost Pick'em Royal

Maybe I need to study Keno technique???


I took an interesting stroll through Emergency Arts, just across from the El Cortez, by The Beat coffee house. There are all sorts of interesting artists here and a relaxed, cool vibe in the place.

You should check it out!


Friendly Mike Dobez, ornamentation artiste. Check out dobezdesignz.com!





Lost some money at the El Cortez but they did give me a free White Castle Slider - my first! It was actually pretty delicious, although it's tricky eating one without touching it with your fingers, considering what the buttons you've been touching have been through. I probably have oral multilaria or some damn thing now.


Power walked back to the room in the 95 degree heat for a beer and to blog and regroup.

Keno update - the 500 game ticket has yielded at least one $50 winner (game 305) that we know about. One number off $4K... shame, that.

Treasure Chest ate yet more money and game me dick-all treasure. I settled into some quarter Bonus Poker, thinking I would parlay my way up the denominations as I (hopefully) won.

And I did win some dough with the Aces, and cashed out a $120 ticket.


Started again with a $20, and worked up to dollars. Futzed around. Ended up getting a quad, and then blowing through $100 worth on 50 cent Double Double.

No kicker. Shame, that.
Tried $20 in Bonus Deluxe, worked it up to 85 down to 5, back up, and then out.

I was looking for the killer shot to cement my budget for the rest of the trip, ensuring at least a break-even effort. If I lost $400 today, and $400 tomorrow, and a couple on Wednesday morning, I could still lose $1000 for the trip, which would be a shame, considering where I am after 2 weeks of banging around Vegas.

The long and short of it was I was down $100 on the day and had $100 left of my stake from the morning.

I hit the blackjack tables. An hour and three quarters later, I cashed out.... $100. I'd been up over $200, but wanted to keep playing and see what I could do. At least I didn't get hurt and I had a lot of fun at a good table full of fun people.

At one point Guido Metzger, Director of Casino Operations, stopped by to shake my hand. I am now 'juiced in' here at The Cal. He also shook the hand of 80 or 90 other patrons, but I know he was primarily interested in my blog and in me, personally. Really.

Saw an interesting scene when I cashed my black chip - one of the cage staff turning a clear plastic bag full of stuff over and over in his hands, up in the air.

"What the hell is he doing?" I asked the cashier.

"Lost a chip."

"Is that a bag of garbage???"

"Yeah. $500 chip too."

At that point the guy started crawling around on his hands and knees.

"Glad I don't have his problem," I said.

The cashier chuckled.

"Me too... " she said with a smile.

Enjoyed a quick 'diet' Prime Rib dinner at the counter in the coffee shop and back to it.


Well, it's diet because it's part of my diet, right?

I played $20 at a time and on my last $20 I finally hit quad 7s. I was down to $10 left at the time.

Well, see for yourself, I went on a nice little Quadstravaganza on the Cheapstravaganza trip and finished up for the day, winning back my $200 stake and more!

Had lots of Royal Scares but couldn't nail them. Shame, that.







And as of now, I'm up $200 on the trip! Zounds!

And there are still Keno games to be played...