RSS findIndex trimsentences createcard



createItems and other JavaScript code

Item Render Code

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Vegas Bound - How it's shaping up

aeroplan satire errorplan fixed mileage flight rewards

Our next trip is now less than 2 weeks away. I'm so excited, I could split a pair of 10s!

Since, as mentioned, I am a cheap-ass budget-conscious, we're flying on pernts from Air 'Fat Chance Flying Anywhere On Pernts' Canada.

Here's how it susses out. And I have to admit, when we booked this, we were in a total hurry. The few, meagre eats available on pernts were disappearing before our eyes as we manipulated the 43 screens you have to work your way through to book anything on Air FCFAOP Canada. It's like some kind of military obstacle course to get a ticket to anywhere, with some evil brain-washing backwards psychology thrown in - "You want to go to there? It's a 9 stop-over trip arriving three days after you started. Don't worry, some of those stopovers are in very nice regional airports north of the 68th parallel. There's a coffee machine that is often in working order."

Of course, for enough pernts that you could trade them in and get a late model Chevrolet Cavalier for, you can get a non-stop flight. It's pernt blackmail, and The Flusher does not roll that way. We will NOT negotiate with pernt terrorists!

I should be happy we are going but like I said, we were under duress. But damn, it's ugly.

First, Mrs. Flusher drives me to Flusherville Regional Airport for my flight at 16:00 hours (that's four o'clock to you folks who haven't mastered the lingo of modern air travel just yet.) Then, Mrs. F. drives home and has just enough Jameson's Irish Whiskey to still be under the limit for her return to the airport later on.

I fly on to Toronto and enjoy a three and half hour layover wandering from Starbucks to the men's room and back, then to the next Starbucks, then the next men's room. Except I keep going faster and faster as the layover wears on.

The Quad Queen then returns to Flusherville Regional Airport, parks the Flushermobile, pays about $30 in parking fees and boards her flight at 18:00 (that's six o'clock those of you who are not of the chronological persuasion) to YYZ, good ole Hogtown, aka Toronto the Good aka T.O. aka T. aka The Big Smoke aka The Center of the Canadian Universe as per non-Torontonians.

Hopefully, QQ will find me in one of the Starbucks having my 7th or 8th Venti Latte and wheel me to the Personal Debasement and Bare Foot Body Cavity Search that is U.S. Customs.

We'll then board Air FCFAOP Canada for the 20:40 (that's 8:40pm for those of you who are new to the subtracting 12 from another number skillset) non-stop to McCarran. I will be sitting in the non-reclining seat (middle of course, not aisle, not window) at the very rear of the plane just under the Lavatory Exhaust Stacks, next to the Screaming Baby on one side and the Sweaty Swarthy Garlic Greek Man on the other, who doesn't speak English, but keeps demanding to know (in garlic Greek) when we land at Thessaloniki.

Mrs. F will be bumped to Business Class. At some point in the flight, she may bring back a little of her left-over filet mignon for me. And perhaps a Melba toast.

We'll arrive in Vegas at about 10:30 pm local time. And that's when it will alllllllllllllllll be worth it.

Now, for the return journey...Air FCFAOP Canada, Aeropuke, Air FU Canada, whatever you want to call them... has me booked, on my pernts, to leave my beloved Sin City... at 06:17am in the God-forsaken morning. That means I need to be at the airport at, oh... 04:00am.

There's just no way I could go to bed for an hour or two and then haul my ass to the airport... no, this last night in Vegas is going to be an all-nighter. There's just no other way.

Meanwhile, about the time I'm arriving in DENVER - yes DENVER (at least they make a good sandwich), Mrs. Flusher will be finishing up a leisurely breakfast after a good night's rest, and enjoying a limo ride to the airport to catch her 11:05am flight - direct to Toronto.

I leave Denver after a 2 hour layover and arrive in Toronto at 16:00 hours. By then I'll be about 32 hours without sleep and stumbling around like a zombie. It will be a miracle if they let me back into the country for the potential burden I will be undoubtably be upon the health care system.

I'll enjoy a leisurely, boring, red-eyed, dead tired layover in Toronto for a couple of hours before finally arriving back at Flusherville Regional Aerodrome at 20:50.

That's 8:50pm, for those of you still using the cost-based accounting method of time reading.

And guess what I get to do next?

I get to wait an hour for Mrs. Flusher's flight from Toronto to arrive at 21:50.

Aeroplan points. There's nothing like 'em.

Oh, and to add insult to injury (yes actual physical injury from lack of sleep), my 'free' ticket cost $125 in stick-it-to-the-passenger taxes, and Mrs. F's cost $130.

Free my ass.

Looking at the bright side...

Flights to Vegas for 10 days vacation: $255
Hotel room per night: $0

We're off to a good start as far as the budget goes.

I'll give a better breakdown of our comps and free play so we can see if we are sticking it to the Casino Man in my next post.

Until then... Fly the Flusher Skies!

    No comments:

    Post a Comment

    Leave a message for Royal Flusher!