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Saturday, June 19, 2010

Grumm-craft Aero-Spatiale Beecherfokker 2-4-D

We managed to get some offers to use for hotels downtown this trip and used points for the commuter aka white knuckle flights from Flusherville Regional Airport to the Big Smoke, I’m talkin’ T. – the big T.O – YYZ to you a-vi-a-tors.

From YYZ we are booked on Westjet direct to Fabulous Las Vegas, Nevada, USA. And we had to pay for these flights, since Mrs. Flusher hasn’t bought enough of those Muskoka chair kits and strangely branded over-priced Rona chocolate bars (from Rona) to get the Airmiles points to pay for the flights.

Finally the day has come. I managed to get off from North American Veeblefetzer early. Marti made me say I’d get her a souvenir from the Hard Rock Hotel which I stupidly agreed to. Packing – went late as always. When will I ever learn to pack ahead of time? Why do I always overestimate the number of pairs of underwear I’ll actually use in Vegas?

It was time and what a feeling as I hauled the bags out to the car to start our journey. I think the feeling was something like an exploding disk, actually. Mrs. Flusher tends to over-pack. Something flew with great velocity into the inside of the back of my shirt – do exploding disks give off shrapnel?

So we made the trip to F.R.A. and parked the Flushermobile, and started the journey by… sitting and waiting. It seems to me that modern travel consists, not of excitement, but of waiting. And possibly looking out a window. Or maybe harbouring lusty thoughts about that group of 3 hot college women. Or mentally pleading for the batteries in that kids toy to melt, causing the toy to combust and putting an end to the incessant beeping and shrieking through that rattling speaker! Its not that I want that tow-headed monster to actually get hurt, but dear GOD.

I get a little wound up when I travel and I should probably drink more, pre-flight.

So we rode the Flintstones plane from Flusherville – it's always some off brand weird model of plane that you’ve never heard of or that you thought went out of business 60 years ago. Did Fokker go into suspended animation between the time they built tri-planes for the Kaiser in WW1? When did they get certified to construct planes out of metal and plastic instead of wood, fabric and dope?

I know Beechcraft makes great little private planes – why is Air Jazz Canada (or whatever it is, it looks like Air Canada, feels like Air Canada, but they say it's Jazz, and on the plane it say Air Georgian – WTF???) flying 28 people on a Beechcraft???

Why can’t we fly on a small Boeing? Or even an Airbus in a pinch? I just don’t feel safe on the twin turbo-prop (there’s a word that sounds like the airplane equivalent of budget toilet paper) Grumm-craft Aero-Spatiale Beecherfokker 2-4-D Fireball Commuter Aeroplane (with winglets).

You know you are in trouble when the co-pilot is also the stewardess, right?

Somehow – SOMEHOW – we made it and touched down in YYZ with the clatter of ill-adjusted brakes and the shriek of thrice re-treaded budget airplane tires smoking down the runway.

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