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Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Mr. Peabody Plays Video Poker

RF Stake: $80
QQ Stake: $340

I woke up early, lay in bed, and pondered. The trip was really weird for me so far. Yeah, I’d hit the big one – a cool grand for my Royal Flush. And I was still down over a grand on the trip. How was it possible?

If I hadn’t gotten that royal, I’d be down two large. I’ve never lost that much on a trip, ever.

Records show that at this point, the Queen had nailed a total of 78 quads to my 49. That’s almost 30 more, and at an average of around $35, there’s your grand. So not counting the fact that I wasn’t winning, I was easily out gambling the Flushatina by about $170.

What a savvy gamblester!

I congratulated my savvyness and looked to my left.

The Queen was already up.

“How are you?” I asked.


Yes, the One-eyed Pirate flu/cold/virus thing had finally gotten ahold of my Queen. She’d been up half the night with a runny nose. There was only one thing to do.


We started the day right – a Crown Royal for her, and a bourbon and Starbucks Doubleshot on ice for me.

And we were off to the races, with me hitting the Aces on BP for $100. The Queen countered with one of her world-famous lucky hands – getting four Queens on the redeal. Now that is hard to do.

After we had buffet breakfast at MSS I’d sobered up enough to return the rental car. I decided to take a drive – just head eastward on the city streets until I found a gas station to top up at, and had seen some of whatever Las Vegas was like in that direction.

It seemed to be mostly residential, many very small houses with small yards. Some yards completely neglected, and some beautifully kept. It seemed like the areas I saw were mostly occupied by latinos. The houses looked like they dated from the 50s with their style and design and I imagined dealers from downtown sawdust joints raising their families in what would have been new neighborhoods at the edge of town, with only the desert as a backdrop to the east, capped by the mountains.

Sometimes I feel like I’ve missed out on it all in Vegas.

I found a gas station, filled up, and grabbed a couple of pictures including one of the gas station next to the venerable Atomic Liquor, both of which appear in the movie Casino – only they dressed the gas station up for filming to look like it was in Kansas City in the winter.

Good thing I did – it looked like it was going to be torn down.

I dumped the car, no problems, and hoofed it back to MSS. Records show I pumped out 3 more quads before the Slot Tournament part II but who knows how many 20s I put in???

The button pounding yielded a better score this time – 16,000 points or so for the Flusheretta. But it wasn’t near enough and she’d finished out of the prize money.

We countered by hitting up some Double Double Bonus and Bonus Deluxe, each grabbing a quick $100 and a couple of scratch cards.

We made our daily pilgrimage to the $500 Deuces machines at the Vegas Club – I was going to keep hitting those babies until they coughed up the four paying fowls.

I plunked myself down next to a guy that was some kind of prototype nerd. He was playing Joker’s Wild. He struck up a conversation.

“I usually play that machine,” he said, gesturing to my machine of choice. "I just wanted a break."

The guy literally had a huge pocket protector, a couple of notepads open on the machine, Fortrel slacks, short sleeve dress shirt buttoned up to his neck. I started to think I was on some hidden camera show.

I played away, asked him about Joker’s Wild a bit, listened to him ramble with his theories and formulae.

It was kind of weird because I could tell he was watching me out of the corner of his eye.

At one point I made a hold which I know was right. He practically had a little nerdy shit-fit in his rush to point out what he thought was an error.

“THAT,” he said, jabbing at the glass on my machine, “was the wrong HOLD. You shouldn’t hold Q,10 suited, you should have held four to the flush.”

What he didn’t know was that I had 2 diamonds and 2 hearts – no flush possibility.

I nonchalantly held two deuces, pressed deal and said, “Oh. Really? I guess I fucked that up.”

And then – “Oh look!”

Yes indeed. What a sweet moment. The other two deuces were there and I was back in it with a $500 hand pay.

Mr. Peabody next to me ground his teeth, sucked a couple of hits of his inhaler, and cashed out.

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