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Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Slot Tourney and Ultra Boner Poker

RF Stake: $220
QQ Stake: $220

With matching stakes, I got down to the casino a bit ahead of Mrs. Flusher who was feeling a bit draggy. In fact, we both were having a lot of fatigue. Were we coming down with something like the dreaded Pirate Eye disease?

I didn’t even have time to order my coffee (with eye-opener) when I hit my first quad of the day – fourth hand in. The usual $2 scratchcard followed. I pressed to 50-cent VP and got another. A great start to the day!

I cashed out with $140 in profit and went to fetch the Quad Queen. We sat down to play, and my luck went over to her.

She nailed Kings.

She nailed Queens.

She had a Straight Flush Dealt to her.

She nailed $50 deuces and $31.25 eights.

All that time, I couldn’t have nailed anything if I’d had a hammer! A gambling hammer. A gambling video poker hammer and a gambling video poker nail.

In any case it was time for the first session of the Big Kahuna slot tournament and I was still up $40 on the morning. The tournament slot machines must have originally been at the Cal with their surf board, conch shell, and bikini motifs. They didn’t seem to fit in the Victorian antique ambiance of Main Street Station.

The first time I watched a slot tournament I kind of rolled my eyes when I saw the entrants pounding the Spin buttons repeatedly like those rats they train – whenever they press a button they get food or an orgasm, and they press the button over and over until they explode.

I thought – why not wait until the reels are almost done spinning, then resume the frantic button pushing.

Then I tried a slot tournament. You can’t help it. It’s crazy manic. You press that button and press and press and press. You really hope for an orgasm or at least, a few food pellets.

I watched the Button Queen pressing and pressing and pressing. She didn’t get many of the three big kahuna symbols, which is what you need if you are going to win. They pay 5000 points or something.

She ended up with what I thought was a princely 9000 points. That was until I walked around and saw some of the other scores. The top guy had 18,000 points.

“You’re going to need more Kahuna’s tomorrow if you are going to top 18,000 points, you know,” I said helpfully.

Savvy gamblesters pounding the slot tourney buttons for orgasms.
Back to the machines after the tourney where I started to catch up with a straight flush of my own and another quad or two. Uncharacteristically, Mrs. Flusher went back to the room to rest.

I went on a pilgrimage to the $500 deuces machine at the Vegas Club (lost $30), and strolled around a bit in the spring sunshine. Back at MSS, I switched to Double Double Bonus from Bonus at just the right moment – second hand I nailed a quad. Don’t you love it when that works?

I collected the Flushmistress and fed her a constitution-rejuvenating grease-running-down-to-your-elbows cheeseburger and fries at Binions' snack bar.

Hit up the Fremont for some $3 craps and got on some good rolls. I stood next to a brother who spoke a lingo I could barely understand, and tried to do many complicated handshakes with me when we won. He was a nice guy and was basically betting on the field. He’d shove a stack of chips out there at the last moment every few rolls and often as not win. When one of the field numbers came in and he didn’t have a bet out he’d yell “DAMN!” and spout a bunch of stuff I couldn’t decipher. We had a lot of laughs even though we are from completely different worlds and I enjoyed his company. We both finished up, me with a little over $60 profit for the session.

It was getting to be evening and we were getting tired. We still hadn't made it to the strip.

As we strolled through the Cal on the way back to MSS and a late dinner, the QQ said, “I’m almost broke. Find me a machine for my last twenty.”

“What kind of a machine?”

“I should play some sort of stupid high volatility machine with mega bonuses on the quads.”

I looked around and spotted something appropriate.

“This one has Ultra Boner Poker on it. Do you think you can get an Ultra Boner?”

“Very funny. What do the quads pay?”

“Ummm…. Well, look any Aces is $500 – don’t need a kicker or anything.”

She played, I believe about six hands of Ultra Boner.

Aces.

Dealt.

$500.


And she got the kicker anyway.


RF has 100. Day: $-80 Trip: $-1010

QQ has $340 Day: $+120 Trip: $-170

Coming in at the commercial? The current trip report begins here.





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