Alas.
Not.
The thing that delivers the 800 foot-pounds of air pressure to my nose and lungs is called a 'nose pillow'.
This thing amounts to a couple of air-injecting nose cannons made of silicone, attached to a hose, and a jockstrap, and attached to the CPAP (with cup holder, CD player and air humidifier).
I'd tried out a smallish over-the-nose mini-jockstrap in Dr. N. Hale's (Jeez that is corny) sleep lab for an entire night. And I'd tried out the oh-so-chic nose pillow in Bridget's office for a total of about 45 seconds.
Because I am interested in proven results, instead of chic fashion, and in reducing risk by going with what I know - I strapped on the nose pillow the way a middle-aged housewife might strap on a 'good for the gander' love toy - carefully, with many false starts, and ending with an overall violent strap tightening that would give Dr. Frankenfurter nightmares.
I know - it sounds sexy - but its just some goddamned silicone thing stuck up around my nose.
The first night was weird. It was fitful. I woke up a lot. I hated the fact that I am so defective that I will have to rely on this contraption for probably the rest of my days. I wondered about how I would take this to Vegas and would it make me be able to concentrate better and win more.
I thought about a lot of things.
And I wanted, frankly, to rip the horrid, invasive, blow-me wind-tunnel of sleep death off my face and throw it out the window.
But is that what a savvy gamblester would do?
I think not.
In the end, I stuck with it all night long. And I saw the following times on the clock: 11:30. 11:35, 12:24, 12:48, 1:30, 2:30, 2:40, 2:50, 3 something, 4 something, 5 something, 5 something and a half, 6 something...
And then it was light and I'd made it through the first night.
It wasn't a great nights sleeps, but you know what?
I felt good. Maybe it was just the euphoria of being able to take the nose dildo off, but I felt good. And I really felt like I had had better sleep than usual.
The day bore that out - I had more energy, and could think. My time on the size 7 grommet line at North American flew by.
Maybe just maybe this is indeed the way forward for me.
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