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Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Before a trip the angels place their bets

So I'm working away at North American Veeblefetzer, minding my own business, making sure the size 7 grommets on the line don't stick, and keeping an eye on the guys.

I have certain responsibilities, including making sure the guys on the line don't get away with fucking the dog, don't turn out sub-standard size 7 grommets, and maybe don't lose an arm or a leg.

That time Kenny Blankenship lost half an earlobe, all the guys on my line got blamed for that one.

Stupid Kenny dozed off and leaned into a fast-moving grommet line belt. We never found the earlobe, but a lot of the guys on the size 8 line, who were having soup at the time for their turn in the lunch rotation... a lot of mugs of hot steamy alphabet soup there... so who knows.

Maybe one of them got an extra 'L'.

That mewling sycophant Norbert sidles up to me today and says, "Things are getting tight in the economy and Dad says we might have to make some changes... everyone will have to pitch in... " and then I heard him say, "... blah blah I'm such a dick... blah blah... I have a bed bug infestation on my tiny package... blah blah..."

I don't know why these things seem to happen to me on the eve of my vacation.

They just do.

And I need to learn to let them go. Because there are bigger, more important things afoot than size 7 grommets and Kenny Blankenship.

Now that I think about it, the piece of earlobe Kenny got cut off is about the same size as a size 7 grommet. Maybe it got shipped to China.

Where was I?

Ah yes... eve of my vacation.

That's right - because tomorrow... tomorrow... it all happens. Las Vegas awaits. 

And what a trip it's going to be!

There is going to be some serious high stakes action going on, and I'm not just talking playing quarters instead of nickels.

Mrs. Flusher has amassed a special, birthday, high stakes bankroll of $1500 over and above our normal bankroll, and I've been the recipient of $325 bucks earmarked for high volatility go-for-broke jump-off-the-cliff-into-the-water-holding-your-sack high stakes last chance oh-my-lord big-ass-win go-for-broke lets-get-rich big dollar gambling action!

We're going to let fly on her birthday with this bankroll and we intend to do the casinos some SERIOUS damage. (And, we may even overeat at their buffet!!!!)

At home, back in Flusherville, I may be basically a nobody. But in Vegas...

... I'm Royal Flusher. And I'm a Degenerate Savvy Gambler Extraordinaire.

And to prove it, here's my card.

Suck on that, Norbert.

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