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Friday, December 2, 2011

Gambling Gourmet

They have a great (depending on your definition of the word 'great') service here at the El Cortez El Casino and El Hotel called the 'Gambling Gourmet'.

This is 'slot-side' dining so that you can you can eat a meal without leaving your greasy, oily, stained machine.

I started off my morning at the $500 Deuces machine again and two seats over, this little old Chinese woman had her own version of the Gambling Gourmet, done on the cheap.

Do-it-yourself Gambling Gourmet
She declined the opportunity to be photographed for this blog and to be made quasi-famous on but I did get a shot of her sausage.

Having mastered the Gambling Gourmet, soon, the El Cortez will announce the next revolution in game-side service - the Slotty Potty(TM), for when you are on a hot streak and just can't leave the machine. Slotty Potty will include 3-way Privacy Screens and a patent pending 'double down' bonus feature.

We played for an hour and a half or so and I was down 20 bucks while Mrs. F was down 200 bucks.

An unusual start to the day indeed.

She decided to play her points off as free play and got a quad out of it - it always feels good to Stick it to The Man on free play.

I had breakfast alone at the coffee shop - a serviceable waffle, the holes of which I managed to fill with butter and syrup. I added four sausages, and coffee, and went on my way.

Mrs. Flusher dined elegantly on left over chicken fried rice, from the feast we'd had the night before, and stored on ice overnight. She knows how to live 'high on the hog'.

Dinner was quite good - the fajitas at the Cafe Cortez are very reasonable and inexpensive at around $8. Two could share them easily.

We tried some Bonus Deluxe and Double Double and more money dumped out of our pockets into the greedy coffers of the cash-hungry El Cortez. I want to get the word 'maw' in there too but I'm not sure if coffers and maws are related or not.

At the lobby bar, which has some nice flatscreens on them, Mrs. F had worked up on her 'press it' technique to dollars and hit quad Aces for $400.

RF: Seven years later, I notice that this is not a bartop. It's still goddamn pretty.
We were quite excited because if you get a hit over $300 on video poker at the ElCo, you get to draw an envelope for free play, which is usually $10.

Some know-it-all down the bar had some things to say about it all like '$400 is nothing in Las Vegas, blah blah blah...'

I was continuing on my brutal losing streak and had no patience for his brand, or any other brand, of bullshit. Not even 'no-name' bullshit. I pretty much told him to shut up and deal.

Vengeance was mine when he cashed out and left, and I spied something flutter to the ground, unnoticed, under his stool. As he headed out the door, I nipped over and grabbed it - a dollar bill. I gave it to the bartender that he'd stiffed.

Mrs. Flusher's free play turned out to be $20, and at 2:45pm in the day, she was up $600 and pounding the VP hard, and I was down $400 and feeling pretty miserable.

I'd played about 4 hours and had no quads at all - and that is expensive.

Meanwhile, the quad queen was hot. She hit something for $62 then switched machines and hit again for another $62 quad on the first hand. Three hands later she hits ANOTHER quad for $62.

I had to take a break and was just returning to the casino - and if you've read this blog faithfully, you know that as soon as I leave, the Quaderina wins something. I was on the phone with her to find out where she was and she says, "I got four aces."

I say, "Oh that's nice. When?"

She says, "Just now. While talking to you."

Seems she got really fancy-pants and uppity and tried out a high volatility, high premium quad dollar machine - and first hand out, she hit this:

Much as I enjoy seeing her win, I have to admit, I was somewhat jealous. Because I was basically spending my day taking money and setting it on fire.

So what do you do when you are down a couple grand on the trip and another $400 on the day?

You write this blog, and play 40 cent a game Keno in your room. First you buy the Keno ticket, then you get a drink or two at the bar to go, and you pick up the miniatures that (bizarrely) come with your room offer, and get set up with the Keno channel on the TV, and turn the TV so you can see it from the desk, in the mirror.

You mark the spots on your ticket so that you can quickly confirm that you haven't won a goddamned thing. And you get drunk, and write your blog.

At least, that's what I did.

Tracking the keno numbers like a boss.
Mrs. Flusher wasn't done. She was still hitting them, and when I rejoined her in the casino, she was really showing off.

She held a single Ace, and then drew four deuces, the Ace acting as kicker to bump the hand from $100 to $200. What a marvellette!

And at 6:10pm, I got the first quad of my absolutely horrible day. The only thing remarkable about it, other than the fact that it was raining in Vegas, was the length and depth of the ass reaming I was taking.

We did the buffet at the Fremont with a 2-4-1 coupon and hit the Pick'em (where Hot Players play).

And sure enough, some suit came over after 5 minutes, took one look at Mrs. F, and said into his talkie walkie 'good call, you were right. Coming back.'

They are getting to know Hot Player Mrs. Pick'em quite well.

And she did hit a quad on Pick'Em (have I mentioned that I haven't hit one on Pick'Em all trip???) for $150, just for laffs.

I gave up on the machines and played an hour and a half of blackjack and lost my final $60.

The final tally for the day was not good for me at all. Another big loss - $600 - and now I'm down $2675 on the trip. This is the biggest single loss ever, ever, ever for either of us, or even us combined.

Mrs. Flusher finished up $800 on the day - astounding. Combined we're at a $1300 loss for the trip.

I'm starting to play the 'but look at all the comps we got' game to try to fudge the numbers and make myself feel better.

And even worse, there's only a couple of days left on the trip... and me, Mr. big-shot with the business cards Royal Flusher... Mr. getter-of-the-Royals-Flush... has nought.

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