Nunsense

I was pretty sure we'd gotten mailers with free play at the Four Queens, but there was none on our accounts for December. We get a mailer every month, but somehow, nothing was there. This is a big disappointment to someone who has lost the price of three root canals in the last two weeks. And believe me, it's just as painful.

As solace, I tried, for the 185th time this trip, the 'once a day' Four Queens 'free pull' which is actually the Four Queens 'free button press'. The idea is that if you get dealt four queens, you get a keychain, or a foot massage from Gordon Ramsay or something. It's not actually impossible to win - both of us, in regular video poker play, have received a hand dealt of four queens, and a foot massage by Gordon Ramsay.

My carefully composed shot of the Four Queens free pull on the VP machine.

In the 'mental rationalization' process, I realize that 14 days of heavy play, without a Royal or two, is going to result in a loss. Especially when you aren't getting the quads. I realize now that it is complete folly to even go to Vegas and gamble. Utter stupidity.

So am I going to stop going? Yes. Until the next trip.

We checked for messages from the Left B-Hind Kennels and sure enough, Mazie had phoned the house with an update. Chippy, our Chihuahua / Great Dane mix is doing just fine, and has made friends with a couple of border collies. Apparently they are best friends and have been playing all day long. I am wondering if Chippy will even want to come home. But we sure do miss her.

The National Rodeo Finals are in town and Fremont street is all 'countrified' and is filled with lanky guys in cowboy hats who all sound exactly like Sam Sheppard. I bet those guys get more tail than Cigar.

'Method' Actor Sam Sheppard.

We watched the mechanical bull ride they'd set up for a while, which looked like as much fun as jumping out the door of a moving bus. They charge $7 for this privilege, but in my mind, they should be paying the riders.

Mrs. Flusher posed for a private picture hugging a huge inflatable bottle of Crown Royal, and we headed over to the Fremont for some Pick'em and other assorted VP on those machines by the Keno lounge. We were using our cards, so we got to skip the 'Hot Player' routine for once.

By now, I was pretty down, just desperate for something to happen.

"Mrs. Flusher," I said, "I'm pretty down, and just desperate for something to happen. I mean... where's the magic? The win out of the blue? The unexpected long shot surprise event???"

I had a feeling that something good had to happen, because the last week of my trip was pretty much dog crap on a cracker (with apologies to Chippy). Don't get me wrong. It's not like I'm really complaining. Dog crap on a cracker actually looks what would probably be a delicacy, given the right culture and circumstances.

The Fremont Four of a Kind Queen, of course, hit a quad first, but I countered with a $50 beauty of my own and 3 hands later, another for $31. I was starting to feel the inklings of hope, like maybe I was on a hot streak. I felt very inkled indeed. And I inkled my way forward, playing like the desert wind.

I switched to the super volatile Super Double Double Bonus and about 1 minute later pinned this lovely little number to the bulletin board of my memories. (The pin going through my cerebral cortex hurt quite a bit but for $400, and a chance for a winning day for a change, it was worth it.)

Four Aces - switch from 'solace' cocktails to 'celebrate' cocktails.

We celebrated by (what else) having a few cocktails. Then we headed back to the bar at the Four Queens for a couple more. Then we hit the Meat Machines at the Fitz to try to win meat and have a couple more. And we did win one meat coupon. And had some drinks.

The plan was to do a re-run of the Famous Fitz Fried Chicken, which I like to call 'Dixie Lee, Popeye, and Mary Brown, can all have three-way and smoke the Colonel's white meat, this is the best fried chicken I've ever tasted' fried chicken.

Team Royal Flusher is Everywhere.

We put our order in, grabbed some keno tickets, and then I have to admit, I was pretty looped and started seeing things. I thought I ran into a bunch of Nuns getting their gamble on in the slot aisles of smoky, noisy Fitzgerald's.

Welcome to Fabulous Nun Vegas!

Even the Nuns appreciate an imperial shitload of cash (with which they could do good).

The chicken was good, really good, what I remember of it, and then it was time to play nickels and win a car!

Never mind that the tater looks like a turd. The Chicken is Fabupants.

It was actually pretty fun pounding the nickel machines and trying to hit the 1 in 1 billion trillion shot to win the Corvette. I'm quite sure I was very close more than once. Very close indeed.

Does anybody ever fucking win these cars? The one on display at the Four Queens is (hold your breath!) a 2007 Foose (whatever that is) Mustang!!! A 2007 was built in 2006, so that thing has been collecting dust, armor-all, and about 50,000 buttloads of nickels for five long years in the interim, and still hasn't been won.*

We stumbled back to the El Cortez to finish our day and guess what?

I had a winning day today!!!! I am plus $145 on the day, thanks to my sweet-ass quad Aces. Now, Mrs. Flusher on the other hand, somehow, somewhere, lost (ahem) eight hundred and fifteen dollars and 17 cents. That's $815.17 for the illiterazzi.

She's still up on the trip though, about 500 beans, and my ass is getting as red and bright as Rudolph's nose from the Vegas-style reaming I've been taking this trip. Still, a win is a win, and I went to bed (somewhat) happy with my results, and (incredibly) ecstatic at the amazingly fun day we had.

Our private $18M El Cortez entrance. No one else is allowed to use it.

*The Four Queens 2007 Foose Mustang slot machine jackpot car was awarded in February, 2013. See Victory Factory.