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Wednesday, May 2, 2012

The ass of ass kicking ass of the ass

Today's Vegas Song Of The Day is Blackjack by Ray Charles.

I had a really good night's sleep. I think putting in earplugs helped.

Well, I did put in earplugs the night before last, but last night I put them in my ears. 'Nuff said.

So we had these two throwaway Tracfone fones which I keep topping up for our trips. I happened to be in the USA 2 weeks ago, so topped them up, and long story short, my service end date got extended but Mrs. Flusher's fone service end date date did not, and it is now inoperable. It is now ready for the 'throwaway' part of the cycle.

But, ever the optometrist, I put a service request in on Tracfone's foney web site and today I got an email response.

Email response regarding the now non-working fone follows:

"Royal, we tried to call you on your fone, 702-411-6969, but you didn't answer. We understand you have an activation problem. We also tried to call you at your home number in Canada but you didn't answer that either. Fone our 800 number or email back to let us know when we can call you."

Now what kind of numbskulls would try to reach you to help you solve the problem that your fone is dead, by calling that same fone????

Tracnumbskulls I guess. I think these same people do maintenance for Air FU Canada.

I officially did the traveller's cheque walk of shame, first thing, to top up my reserves for the day, and get some Admin money happening.

Admin money is strictly for non-gambling expenses. The reason I have none, is that the previous night, I gambled (and lost) the last $20 of the Admin money. How many zeros are there in 'degenerate' ?

I had a nice little video poker session starting at about 5:00 AM at - where else? - the bar downstairs, sucking back coffee, and shots of Jack. Now that's the breakfast of champions!

Sadly, I dumped a century with nary a single quad. On other forms of video poker, I did hit a couple though, but across about 2 1/2 hours of solid play, I was down $140.

How NOT to go about getting a Royal Flush.
The Plan Your Trip plan was 'WIN', remember??? Sheesh.

I was getting pretty hungry and in spite of the fact that they would feed us some continental fare at 9-ish for the slot tournament, well, I was hungry. Time for real breakfast, and this time I really needed to have some fruit and vegetable material - anything but meat.

So I headed to the Fremont buffet again and had enough points on my card to cover the meal. There's a win.

My breakfast consisted of: three sausages, a waffle, two loads of Breakfast Potatoes with country throw-up on, and something called 'Mexican Casserole'.

The Mexican Casserole had a nice light cement crust on top and was filled with various goodnesses.

Some of the goodnesses were green.

On my first buffet plate, the Mexican Casserole got kind of mixed with the other stuff and it all tasted good. That means it tasted cheesy, greasy, and salty.

For the second plate, I took a closer look at the contents hiding under the pre-cambrian crust on the Mexican Casserole.

I could see that there were at least six goodnesses ingredients and made a positive ID of egg as one of them. Spinach was also a possibility. One thing I know for certain is that every single goodnessess ingredient was probably prefixed with "yesterday's".

I think what I had was leftover yesterday's taco filling and yesterday's egg casserole. Maybe I'm being too hard on them - this is, after all, a buffet, so you know that the standards are top notch.

It tells you something about me that I ate the second portion of this 'casserole'.

And finally, when I was stuffed, I remembered my health, grabbing a banana and cramming it down on the way out.

This, apparently, is Schlingo. I have no idea what that means. But those appear to be Royals Flush on Schlingo's belt. Don't laugh at me for posting this, two of our agents died getting this picture to Flusherville HQ.
Back at the Four Queens, I lined up early for the slot tournament and got upstairs at ten to nine. Got registered, got a morning time like I wanted, and picked up the tournament gift bag.

As you remember, I was hoping for a pocket ENIAC or digital keychain satellite radio receiver or maybe a personal massager or 2 ounces of gold... just something that wouldn't weigh down my luggage, or stymie the customs inspectors who rifle through it.

I got my gift bag and it weighed about 4000 pounds. I popped 4 or 5 hernias lugging all this shit up to the room.

Don't get me wrong, I love the Four Queens and its staff and the tournament but what the fuck are they thinking, loading us down with all this stuff when we are traveling????

I got the feeling that they were trying to tell me something...

Yes, apparently this tournament is all about the kicking of the ass.

Thinking quickly, I grabbed two cans of coke from the breakfast buffet, and stuffed them into my bag, which is clearly made of kevlar and can hold 4000 plus pounds of booty. I lined up, grabbed a plain bagel, and slathered on about 2, maybe 2 1/2 pounds of cream cheese, wrapped it all up in napkins, and headed for the room. For the fridge in my room, specifically.

That's a cheap, free lunch, the Royal Flusher Way! I could have bagel with slathered cream cheese with Ass Kickin' Margarita Mix to wash it down.

I typed up some trip report material and sprinkled it lavishly with outrageous exaggerations and savvy hilarity. It took me about 9 hours to do this.

Then it was time for the slot tourney and I was in and out like a stealth gambler. During the session before mine, a woman hit the day's high of some 5,700 points. I had a reasonable session and logged 4,216 points. I would say that this gave me a shot at some money if I did as well, or better in the second session the following day.

Then, it was on with the ass day ass events...


    1. Love your trip reports

    2. Kick-ass products are awesome!

      I have ordered from their site many times.

      I wouldn't want to take that amt of stuff home with me from Vegas either.

    3. Hey, we were at this same tournament. Getting this stuff back wasn't easy given they don't let you take liquids on carry on's any more.
      The peanuts were great, the salsa isn't bad, the popcorn is funky but I like it. The mary mix is the hottest I've ever tasted. It left blisters on my lips (not my fingers). I like it too.


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