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Monday, May 7, 2012

Mayday, Mayday

What day does Cinco de Mayo fall on this year?

Well, it happened to be May 5th, and also a Saturday, and also Lei Day, a celebration of Hawaiian culture hosted by MSS/Cal/Fremont. There was also a horse race and a boxing match.

Starbucks made me a nice latte.


I pondered for a moment. I could be anyone I wanted.


She wrote on the cup.

"Does it matter if my name isn't really Freddy?"

"Why, is it Frederick?..."

She wasn't getting it.

"Freddy is fine."

I only took a single hundred for my stake, not wanting a repeat of yesterday. I figured if I left the rest in the safe, I might keep myself from over-gambling.

My steaming hot Freddy made the trip back to the Fremont and I started having those sorts of runs on video poker where you can't believe that hand after hand you get nothing and the money disappears in what seems like a few minutes.

Well, let me tell you, I timed these suckers and it was worse even than I thought. Here's the kind of action I got.

Bonus Poker (BP), $20, 2 minutes
BP, $20, 8 minutes
Pick'Em $20, 12 minutes
Bonus Deluxe, $20, 4 minutes
BP, $20, 10 minutes

It reads like the log of a hooker at a miner's convention. And was less satisfying.

34 minutes of play and $100 lost??? Give me break!

Walk of shame to the safe in the room for another hundred dollar bill.

Breakfast buffet at Fremont was some stupid champagne brunch, so I said screw that and headed to Du-Pars for the real deal - two hot 'Best in America as rated by Esquire magazine) crack cakes (which are made with premium uncut blow so you have to keep coming back for them again and again), an egg (over hard), and two turkey links (which I gobbled up).

It was yummy at $7.75.

Blew $20 in a slot at Golden Gate and headed back to Fremont for a 'run' in blackjack that lasted 25 minutes.

BP, $20, 8 minutes
Double Double Bonus (DDB), $20, 6 minutes

If it seems like I'm complaining, it's because I am bitter, and I am complaining.

Desperation was starting to set in. So I went to Four Queen's to get my last chance backup cash back - all of $35.

DDB, $35, 10 minutes
Back to Fremont.
DDB, $20, 6 minutes

I would have been better off ordering the 24 hours of porn on 3 channels deal and sat in my room at the Fremont watching the jiggle show on the 1982 17" tube Philco, which was so out of focus, if you crossed your eyes, you could get a sort of 3D effect, which might be a bit unnerving given the trends in today's adult films (I'm told).

Took a long, relaxing, hot, free, shower and lost no money.

DDB, $20, 5 minutes.
Treasure Chest, $20, 15 minutes.

Walk of shame, back up to the safe, to get another hundred.

Bought a Keno ticket for $20, 20 games at a dollar a game, and went back to the room to write up yesterdays events.

Imagine, dear reader, how difficult it is to write about one debacle day while you are in the middle of carefully carving out a second total cluster fuck, that you will also have to write about in gory detail. I hope my professionalism in this is appreciated.

DDB, $20, 5 lousy minutes.

Back up to the room, walk of shame to get another hundred for the road, and then I headed over to Lei Day and walked through the booths and whatnot. Enjoyed soaking up some Aloha spirit. There was live music with Island dancing, lots of great looking food for sale, and all kinds of merchandise.

"Hiya hiya wanna. Lacka Lacka wanna. Lacka tonawanda...Five Alarma Fiya... Lacka Tonawanda" (joke for you Buffalo peeps)

Mmmmm... chicken. Flamethrower chicken...

I thought this was awesome.

Lei Day, $0, 45 fun-filled minutes. Woohoo!

Stopped in at the dollar coin-dropper full-pay Jacks machines by the Buddha (whose tummy I forgot to rub).

Jacks or Better dollars, $20, 1 minute, possibly less.

I would just again like to remind readers that these figures in no way relate to any sort of other performance. Just forget what you read about BJ and Treasure Chest.

Had a sort of 'back to basics' down home comfort food lunch at the Cal coffee shop - half a chicken salad sandwich, a cup of garlic mushroom soup, thick, rich, and filled with big chunks of free range mushrooms, and salad bar. I'm actually trying to eat more healthy things. Country throw-up gravy, I'm pretty sure, is not good for me, and is not actually food.

Thought my luck might be better at Main Street Station. Things went a bit better - I finally hit a four of a kind for $32 and got a $2 scratch card. And my $20 lasted me half an hour.

DDB, $20, 4 minutes, WTF?????
BP, $20, 20 minutes
And then hit four Jacks for $32 and another scratcher.

And then the Fremont...
DDB, $20, 6 minutes.

I had a long talk with Mrs. Flusher about what to do. There's simply no answer. For a losing streak to end, you still have to play.

Read that again, repeat it like a mantra. For your convenience the phrase is repeated below:

For a losing streak to end, you still have to play send me cash now for the love of God please I'm fucking dying here.

Did some more blogging, and uploaded the previous days accounting. Greeted my host, Lydia. I didn't know whether I should shake her hand or hug her. So I did both. Then I hugged her again. I hugged her probably a bit too long, and I sort of asked her to 'rock me' a bit because I needed soothing.

I was also feeling a bit bloaty and gassy, but I didn't mention it. There is a line that should not be crossed with a host, no matter how bad one is feeling about being a loser.

Thought about things some more, resting in the room and I decided that this is my vacation, this is my hard earned money, and no matter how much it may mean not having a winning trip and disappointed you lovely readers out there who are really cheering for me...

...I should take another couple of hundred and risk going down $600 in one day, double my budget.

In other words, fuck it! LET IT ROCK! I headed down to make my evening what it may be come what may or not come what may.


    1. you never hear much about those guys, to get their $10 back, double, redouble, etc...finally getting to the $100 video poker machines, and end up losing $100,000 to get their original $10 back.
      I heard a similar story at a gamblers anonymous meeting

    2. i feel your pain

    3. I've made that exact "Walk of Shame" a number of's the problem with staying at the Fremont- it's so quick to get from the Pick 'Em machines to the room for more money.


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