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Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Shitter was full!

I get on the plane which is entirely full. Yesterday I did the online check-in thing. I'd already had a seat reserved - something like 28A.

All of a sudden, online, I saw 16A was free so I grabbed it, thinking that being closer to the front of the plane would somewhat shave the risk of missing my freeplay by arriving downtown too late.

Seat 16A was free because it is the row in front of the exit row.

Seat 16A is a non-reclining seat. It is my prison for the next 5 hours.

The plane is roasting and I feel like a nut in a frying pan. Maybe two nuts.

That's when the pilot announces, "Well, somebody dropped the ball..."

Oh great. He's telling me I am out 120 free gambling dollars.

"...the lavatory tanks were not emptied, so we'll be a little later getting out."

So basically, the pilot is telling me, a la Cousin Eddie, "SHITTER WAS FULL!!!!...."

The crazy heat keeps up the whole way to Vegas. Sometimes the trip goes fast, sometimes it does not.

This time it drags. And drags. And drags.

The times work out and we are on the ground at about 10:40pm. It looks good.

I get my luggage out of the rack and haul ass out of the terminal. There is but one limo waiting to be hired and I grab it. Nice driver, dog guy, Ed. A smooth ride. $55 to Four Queens plus $10 tip. Ed can buy his dog a bitch or something as a treat.

I stroll into the Four Queens at about 11:20 PM and head straight for the players club. And there's a lineup.

Oh great.

The line moves fairly fast though and, well, I make it!!!

My concerns were well-founded - the freeplay has to be used by midnight and the chips have to be played by 2:00 AM. I have my work cut out for me. I hit the $1 9/6 Jacks machines and play through the $60 freeplay and cashed out $60 for my pocket. Nice.

That done, I head for the lobby and get checked in. I have a room high up in the North Tower on the quiet side. It seems fine.

I've done it - I'm finally in Vegas, I've dumped my stuff in the room, and I'm ready for the trip to really begin!

I headed back out and over to the D in case I had any freeplay there for April. Well, I didn't but Mrs. Flusher did. The attendant asked me if I would like a new The D card for her in addition to the The D card I have for myself.

Well, of course I would. I did, and the $5 got played on Bonus Poker, to not much effect. In other words, I played it out.

The next order of business on my carefully crafted itinerary - get hammered.

I pulled up to the bar at the FQ, and got an Absolut rocks with a beer back going. Sixty bucks went into Double Double Bonus and nothing came out. I stayed true to my plan though and played very carefully, checking each hand. It was perfect except for the 'winning' part.

For fun, I slipped $20 into my fave dollar slot and hey, cashed out $50.

I played about $30 in chips at craps as I couldn't find a decent $5 BJ table - they all payed 6:5 for blackjack instead of 2:1.

I will not play crapjack. Nothing much came of my action at the craps table so I said screw it and hit up a $10 table.

I won 3 of 4 plays and ended up with $25 in real chips out of the $60.

By this time, I was somewhat staggering with fatigue and bar juice. It was pushing 4:00 AM back home. There was only one thing to do: Country fried steak (with country throw-up on it) and eggs, hashbrowns, sourdough toast and strawberry jam. It tasted absolutely fantastic and was a great way to end my day.

By the way, the FREE MEAT machines live on at the 'D' and the paytables at the Long Bar are indeed as bad as everyone is saying. Beware the fake 8/5 Bonus Poker that pays 1 coin for two pair instead of 2 like it should. Total rip-off.

As I hit the sack, my Revenge on Vegas was on track. I had $55 in gambling money that I didn't have when I landed. I had another $80 coming Tuesday from the Four Queens. And surprise, I had $45 in cashback at the D that I didn't know about.

All this, plus stealing Mrs. Flusher's free play, made me feel like this trip is being done the Royal Flusher Way!

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