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Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Galloping Wins

Woke up Sunday with a sense of foreboding. It would be my last full day in Vegas. A Frankenstormi-shiticane was bearing down on the north east, and the eye was pointed right at Flusherville. It wouldn't arrive till the winds had died down later in the week, but still. I had visions of Chippy floating in the wind, anchored only by her 12 pound head. Windsocking.

There was only one thing to do, and that was to make the most of it.

I have to admit, getting away from home and having some fun, and meeting some nice folks has started to rejuvenate and re-energize me. I sincerely hope my heart reboots before it attacks, from all the heavy food I've been plowing through. I think Vegas puts on a pound a day.

I had my standard breakfast at the Cal counter. It's hard to get tired of it but I was thinking I might have to 'shake things up' the next day. Yeah, shake 'em up like the Shaka 5-way.

The Shaka 5-way is either a bank of progressive Bonus Poker machines at the Cal, or a form of sweaty in-room entertainment. I'll let you decide.

Keno play during breakfast was riveting with a 50 cent win. Yes 50 cents. A win is a win right, especially on a $10 ticket.

I hit the machines and bounced around, playing a 20 here and there, and in short order I was down $100. Then, being that it was my last full day, I took a flyer on dollar Treasure Chest - the coin droppers at the bottom of the escalator.

This was brutal. Now I was getting worried, as my day's stake was half gone.

And I haven't hit a Royal or Aces with kicker yet.

That damn Aces with kicker has eluded me for four trips now.

This seemed like a good time to shower. I even had an extra clean shirt to put on. Its important to economize on underwear and shirt usage when you are travelling 'carry-on'.

Back to Main Street for hopefully some scratch card action and did manage to hit some quads...

... and lose it all back on 50 cent. Nearing the end of the trip, I'm more inclined to press it.

Got some texts and Blonde4Ever, Kodidog and Kiddo were in the building, chowing down at the buffet, and we were due to meet up.

We managed to find each other and saddled up at my favorite row of four machines. Blonde had hit the Loose Deuces earlier... can everybody hit this but me? I've never done it. It's a sweet $650 hit if you get it though.

We got to know each other, had some drinks, and I really behaved, only proposing to one cocktail waitress in the session. Its a good thing I know my limits. Her response was enticing - she flirtaciously rolled her eyes and walked briskly away. I think in another universe where I'm not married, we have a good chance. After all, now that she doesn't speak to me directly anymore, we wouldn't fight, would we.

That fantasy out of the way, it was time for a craps lesson. Kiddo took her leave and the rest of us - me and two craps virgins - this day just keeps getting better and better!!! - headed over to the Fork Weens so Blonde could drop some of her 800 pounds of purse anchors.

We sidled up to an unused craps table and I gave my concise, careful description of the basics of craps.

"Okay you buy in, not in a roll or they'll yell at you, you put your money down on the felt, don't hand it or they'll yell at you. Get your chips, but keep your hands out of the tub or you'll get yelled at. Put money on the passline, when its your roll, keep the dice in one hand or they'll yell at you. Keep them in sight or they'll scream at you. Other than that, don't fuck up and you'll be all right."

I know how to make my audience comfortable.

"Bet on the passline 7 or 11 wins, 2, or 3 or 12 is craps, you lose, other numbers you have to roll 7, or the number again, and if you do you win, but 7 you crap out which isn't the same as the other craps which now don't matter, and either do the other numbers, unless you bet on them, but not before you set a point by not rolling 7 or 11 or craps earlier on, and you can take odds but not until there's a number. Got it? Also, don't fuck up or they'll yell at you."

I could tell by their glazed-over eyes that they were ready for $3 craps at the Fremont.

And over we went.

We successfully bought in, and the ladies and I placed our passline bets. And subsequently witnessed the largest number of craps rolls ever seen by mankind.

I'm sure Blonde and Kodi were convinced that playing craps consisted of regularly placing bets on the felt in order for them to be whisked away 12 seconds later.

Finally we got a 7 winner, and then a number and another winner. The tide started to turn.

We had a so-so session, pretty choppy really. Both of them did indeed shoot the dice and did indeed have unbelievable rolls. That's right. You would not believe how unlucky they were.

I felt bad about it, but that's gambling for you.

We walked away without anybody losing more than 10 or 12 dollars and without anyone getting hit in the eye by the ladies' throws.

I was actually pretty proud of them for having the lady cojones to go through with it all, especially at a full table. It is very intimidating for a newcomer and they did well.

I think Blonde only got yelled at twice, and Kodi once. Keep those bones in one hand, Kodi!

Next stop - Sigma Derby!!!! Where I learned that the American slang for Miller Genuine Draft is not any of the following: MDG? MG? KGB? ABC? WTF? RSVP?

It was my turn to get made fun of by the cocktail waitress. At least I didn't propose to her.

Sigma Derby was great fun and I taught the ladies how to cuss good. It's perfectly acceptable to yell at the top of your lungs "MOVE YOUR BLUE ASS #3 YOU FUCKER!!!!!!!!!!!!" Even the three college studs with the obligatory plastic footballs of liquor appreciated my verbal prowess.

I also delighted in randomly hitting Blonde and Kodi's betting buttons (!) against their will and more often than not without them seeing it. Once this resulted in a win for Blonde so I think I was almost forgiven.

Half an hour was enough of that, and I figured they were probably tired of my self-aggranizement, blather, bullshit, and blue language, so I took my leave of them. It was a really fun way to spend a few hours and I'm glad to have made 3 new Vegas friends.

Blonde's patented 'can't lose' betting system. For sale now!!!
Had a very late lunch at the Cal with some kind of sirloin grilled meat. It was, well, bad. But I got it for a coupon and it had calories, so that's okay, right?

Took another big-ass bash at higher stakes play - $10 a hand VP. Took 90 seconds to lose $100.

Finally found some VP luck on 50 cent to rescue my teetering bankroll:

Bounced around here and there and tried some blackjack. It was very choppy and for my last hand I went all in except for $3. Had to pull money from my wallet to bet on a double. Dealer had 20... and I pulled a 10 for 21. I was back in it and started to win. Won back my $100 stake and kept going. Cashed out at $200, up $100. The tables are being very good to me this trip.

Tried my luck at the $5 Wheel of Meat outside the 777 Brewpub - I won only 2 credits and crashed and burned. $100 gone.

Okay, try the craps magic. But it was choppy and I was tired. Lose lose lose, down to $35 or so. $5 on the line, point was 9, put most of my dough in odds, except for $11. I figured if I lost I'd take a flyer on roulette.


Stroll to the roulette table, and make three straightup number bets - $5 on 17 a la Beeejay, James Beeejay, $3 on 9, $3 on 19. Nineteen hits and I've won back my craps buy-in! Sweet.

Bought yet another Keno ticket (why do I keep doing this?) did some blogging and then got hungry. My budget for the day was about shot. In fact, it was all shot.

But I had a hankering for pizza, so I allowed myself an extra hundred, being as it was the last full day, and headed to the Four Queens cigar bar, where I settled in to a very large Absolut, and got busy on Double Double Bonus.

Nice eh? I kept the money too. Got my pizza, headed back 'home', and on the way, remembered the Keno ticket. I did the self-scan and just started to laugh.

Yep, I've now hit 4 out of 4 on Keno, finally.

You've gotta love Vegas. You go out to get a pizza, get two free huge drinks, and come back with an extra $280.

By the numbers:

VP: day (-220) trip (-1350)
BJ: day +100 trip +380
craps: day -90 trip +615
Roulette: day +95 trip +95

Total: day -115 trip -255

Down 255 after after 8 full days in Vegas. I am really excited about it. All I need is a Royal and its a winning trip. Aces with kicker would almost do it to. But sadly, I go home tomorrow on the redeye. Better get cracking!

I really felt good about things, especially the great swing at the end of the day. The only downside was this big-ass storm heading for landfall.

Yeah, Sandy.


    1. Flush! Where the eff are the crackcakes??? I'd even settle for hearing about smack yo mama fried chikken! *disappointed* ;)

    2. Been eating free at the Cal, so not so tempted to snort crackcakes.

    3. met all 3(new freinds) at the derby NO-DOUBT....super-social-game...where F.U.s are totally's my secret on how to beat the DAMN thing...shhh...2 bets and 1 drink(chug)...again 2 bets and 1 drink...after about a soon becomes...2 drinks and a bet...after about 2 hours your good to go(either your broke,drunk or just don't care) is the best game in vegas to play(like anything somedays you're hott and some your not)yes you won't get rich,but you had a REAL good time

    4. Hey!!! Quit giving away my secret strategies!!!!


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