Rolling On The Floor Laughing (and PMP)

First things first - I managed to get ahold of the Keno desk at T.I. - my lucky ticket was a winner! To the tune of one measly dollar.

I played a little VP to little effect and then headed to the counter at The Cal coffee shop for breakfast. I have been, and will use, the counter quite a bit while here alone. It's so fast to get seated, fast to get served, and fast to get out. And the people sitting shoulder to shoulder with me have been very interesting to meet, almost every meal. I have only been bitten twice.

Okay bitten once, and nibbled by accident once. My thumb was mistaken for a breakfast buffet sausage.

Hot eggs hard over, hash browns with that buttery greasy flavor dancing on my tongue and later, my arteries, sausage a la disks, sourdough toast, 2 3/4 packets of strawberry jam (see my previous whining complaint about this), coffee.

And with that, and a healthy burp, I headed upstairs for the second round of the VP tourney.

You pretty much need to get a Royal Flush and then some to win or place in the big money for one of these things. It was clear that 5 or 6 people had gotten royals, going by the posted scores yesterday - the top scorers so far all had 5,000 to 6,000 points.

As we lined up for machine assignment, I laid on my savvy intimidation tactics by striking up conversations with people.

"So, how did you do?..." I'd ask.

"Lousy, I only got one small quad, about 1100 points."

No matter what they said, and whether they asked me or not, I'd reply, "I got 11,000 points yesterday."

or

"I got 13,300 points yesterday."

This caused swaths of I.S.G.s and their husbands to simply walk away from the upcoming round, thus bettering my chances by 1.3 to 1.5%.

Don't look askance at me! If you are going to compete for the big prize money, you have to be prepared to take it to the competition!

Besides, after screwing up and not using all my credits in round 1, a little lying intimidation was necessary.

I got a good machine again - a slant top - and we haved at it. One quad for me, no Royal, lower score than yesterday. I wouldn't even come close to winning, but by my calculations would be in the top 100, and therefore, eligible for a $100 cash prize.

It was time to do some chores - I had the rental car for a couple more hours, so I headed out, first to a gas station, which completely baffled me because it didn't take credit cards. I did get it sorted and gassed up. Then I headed to the Outlet center and picked up a new pair of Royal Flusher Getaway Boots, just like the pair I've almost worn out. I swung by Spinetti's, never having been in. I did the place in about 8 minutes. It focuses mostly on poker chips, dice, cards, and layouts and such. If I needed chips for home, I'd probably come here.

Dropped the car off at the Four Queens and the guy wasn't around. This caused me - nay forced me - to lost $60 gambling while awaiting his return.

Car dealt with, I returned to The Cal and dumped my boots in the room, saddled up, and headed down to the casino.

I futzed around the VP machines, looking for some wins. Dumped $100 on dollar Double Double Bonus, taking a flyer on it. Boy would those Aces with kicker change this trip, if I got it on dollars...

Somewhere along the line, I got this nice quad.

I took another hundred and did the parlay game with it. The idea is you start with $20 on quarters. When you double it, you double the stakes. Double it again, double the stakes again to dollars.

Similarly, when you drop down, you lower the stakes accordingly.

The results were sucky.

$20 -> $0 in 2 minutes

$20 -> 40 in 7 minutes

$20 and hit Kings for $32. Move up to 50 cents. Drop down, drop to quarters. Back up to $40, back up to 50 cents. Back down to quarters. To $0 after 25 minutes.

$20 -> $0 in 10 minutes

Screw it. I got up. And the oddest thing happened. A slight (aka skinny) woman actually fell off her stool at the blackjack table and rolled on the floor laughing.

She got helped to her feet and wobbled back onto her stool and as she did so it was plain to anyone watching (i.e. me) that, in no uncertain terms, this woman had had a Mandalay Bay Moment similar to what I experienced when I sat in a seat and ended up very wet in that ass-al region of my trousers. The only difference was for this woman it was real, and not wave pool water.

What to do?

I sidled over to the pit boss and told them what was going on - they'd seen it the same as me and would deal with it.

The woman was spoken to gently (but firmly) and her husband finally accompanied her away from the table, and hopefully to her room for clean up, and beddy-byes.

The Cal hazmat team was scrambled and they brought their rather futuristic looking toxic spill cart to the scene. Some of you may have described this as a janitor with a luggage cart, but I saw a hazmat team.

Scene of 'the stool' incident. Ick.

They carted away the stool, hopefully for disinfecting, burning, reupholstering, or something.

I won't know if that particular stool ever returns to the casino here, but I can tell you, there is one blackjack table at which I will never, ever sit.

Tried more VP including losing $100 chasing Boner Deluxe at the MSS bar, and just could not get anywhere serious and lasting. Yes I did hit some quads, but attrition was working on me.

Four to a Royal! Would I get it?...

Fuck no.

The Cal is nice. It's homey. There are families and friends everywhere. I saw a woman ask the pit boss for a deck of used card - she was handed a number of decks.

And I had a really nice dealer for a time who referred to one woman at the table as 'Auntie'. Isn't that quaint? Actually, no it isn't - she really was his aunt! I think his Granny was at first base to my right. She wasn't very skilled and he would gently look at her cards and tell her what to do. Honestly, it was very enjoyable. I broke even on that session but it sure was fun asking Auntie if she could please spank the dealer when he hit to 21.

I decided to try the Cal craps table and see if my luck still held from the day before's monster session. I hoped to run into another hot shooter.

And I did.

And that shooter was me! Yes, I had a pretty darn good roll. When I sevened out I had $75 on the felt and colored up $235 from a $100 buy-in.

Craps win. Ten bucks went as a tip to the crew.

What was dinner? Oh yes - the prime rib at the Cal, free with my meal booklet. Eaten at the counter.

By the numbers, still holding on as this trip winds down...

VP: day (-400) trip (-1130)
BJ: day 0 trip +280
Craps!: day +230 trip +705

Day total: -170
Trip total: -145  <- not bad for 7 days so far.

I really, really need to hit some big hands or a Royal Flush though, to cement this as an 'even' or 'winning' trip. Yeah, I'd really like that.