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Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Offers, Offers, Offers, Offers!!!!

As mentioned in an earlier post, the offers from Las Vegas have been rolling in since my last trip.

One of the things I wanted to do was to get established at one of the only Strip properties that has any kind of decent video poker, and that I can afford to eat at.

I settled on T.I. for the reasons above, for sentimental reasons, and for the reasons that they had a lot of different web offers going on.

I played quite a bit on a two night stay and got my ass kicked at 50 cent Bonus Poker. It was really grim. I would have played a lot more but a bad streak really kept me from the machines. Still, it was enough to get any additional charges comped on my stay, and bag an ill-fated dinner comp at Kahuna Vile as well. (That comp led, indirectly to a $500 win, which happened to be the largest VP jackpot of my trip... See Keeping My Head Up Chippy Style for the sordid details.)

Since returning to the drudgery of cranking out Size 77 Euro-grommets for North American Veeblefetzer, I've been watching my boxes (both In and Mail) for anything from Treasure Island. And behold!!!!

Not only is T.I. (or is it ti ?) offering me an escape... they are offering the ultimate escape. I thought the ultimate escape happened at death, but penultimate escape!!! doesn't work well in marketing copy.

Let's analyze this offer carefully...

They are willing to have me stay for Two Nights, Sunday through "Thrusday" free, free, free. I get $50 in slot play, and I get a chance to spin the lucky pirate Spin & Win codpiece for anywhere from $25 to $250 additional free play. So the minimum is $75 in free play, and I might get as much as $300 out of 'em. That codpiece is smelling fresher by the minute!

But wait! There's More!!!! There's some kind of $50 Kahuna Vile value book. If there is a two for one entree on there, maybe just maybe I might go back - but they had better cough up stuff that looks like this:

not this:

And in addition, there are Fortune Drawings! I take it you earn drawing entries by amassing slot points and then you might win some amount of free play or other. Sounds good to me.

And in addition to allllll that.... there is a Treasure Hunt! (Don't ask me why those wacky Treasure Island suits picked a 'treasure hunt' themed promotion... that shit is - out there!!!!) Basically, you amass slot points and at certain thresholds, you can swipe your card to win free play and other free shit. Kind of like the Binion's "swipe and groan" promotion. ("Two-for-one well drink at the bar!!!!! Again!!!!!!!!! Boy, I'm one lucky motherfucker!!!").

I feel pretty good about the sweet offer Treasure Island has lavished on me, and I hope to take advantage of it in the next trip. In combo with the 3 night Wynn offer already received we could stay on the strip for Sunday through Thursday free. And T.I. is close enough that we could probably walk it with carry-on luggage, if we are feeling cheap.

So what else is in my boxes???

A grand total of 1 hour of blackjack (with $100 win) and about 6 minutes of losing video poker netted me this offer at the Plaza:

Yup, that's four free nights and $15 slot play, which should easily last me the four desperate Plaza nights, right? Is it just me or are guitar playing lingerie clad vampire chicks ever man's fantasy? It sure gets my Flusher going, maybe I will stay there sometime.

Unfortunately, the offer ends just before (I think) we're going to be in Vegas. But clearly, I've broken some sort of threshold at the Plaza.

Let's see.... what else???

Mirage has offered two free nights but they expire Dec. 24th. It's nice of them to think of me.

Excalibur continues to throw 3 free nights and $50 or $100 free play offers at me. But they downgraded their Double Double Bonus machines, threw out Lynrd fucking Skynrd (after throwing out the Sherwood Forest coffee shop peeps) and the American Burger Works where I had a righteous drunk burger once... Can I really survive 3 nights and 3 days on Baja Fresh??? Can my colon??? Can the entire supply of air in the Las Vegas valley???

Excalibur... you are pushed to the wayside. Get some good VP in there and I might make a return visit. But as you know, gambling mostly comes first, and if you are going to just offer short pay crapola, your property isn't quite snazzy enough to lure me away from the likes of Wynn, T.I., and the El Cortez.

With all the offers going on (including some slot and VP tournaments I picked up some inside information on...) we have enough room nights to stay in Vegas for about 2 weeks free.

And that my friends, is totally the Royal Flusher Way.

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