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Thursday, February 28, 2013

Mirage and myVEGAS (and TI as a backup) - Part One

Reposted from the classic 2013 Victory Trip.

Feb 28, 2013 - Our pretty intelligent Danehuahua, Chippy, rewired a Speak 'n Spell one weekend to play myVEGAS on her favorite site - DogBook. Chippy has a 12 pound head and a 6 pound body (Great Dane head, chihuahua body) so she's pretty smart for her size.

I did various things such as putting kibble on the mouse button to get her to play my game, but she mostly focused on her own account. I think she was hoping to get a suite out here and rent some time with one of those 'service' dogs you see on the kennel slapper cards outside the SPCA. Like maybe a nice male Pomeranian, or maybe a mastiff.

Anyway, I actually did get enough loyalty points to get a 2 night stay in a Mirage suite. I also wanted to redeem for a steak dinner but unfortunately, something happened to my account and I am no longer able to redeem awards.

It has to do with the terms of service.

I think maybe they are upset that Chippy was playing on my behalf, because any assistive devices or software are strictly verboten, as they should be. I didn't understand this at the time, but I do now. I broke the rules. And so did Chippy. So, if you are going to play myVEGAS, take my advice - play by the Terms of Service!!! Do that, and you can get some pretty cool and valuable stuff.

I have yet to get this situation resolved, so I didn't really know if the suite reward would be honored or not. And it made for a tense few weeks before the trip. Plus I really wanted a steak dinner and couldn't redeem even though I have tons of loyalty points.

It just so happened that T.I. sent me an offer - a couple of nights and $50 free play and some coupons and a spin for more freeplay or prizes. This sounded good and I enjoyed T.I. last trip, so I booked it as a backup in case the Mirage suite was rescinded.

And this was where we were heading after we checked out of Enynn - but I am getting ahead of myself here...

We got up really early at Encore and headed down. Well let me tell you, they have a BRIGADE of cleaners that were going at the floors, carpets, surfaces - you name it. They take maintenance seriously and spend a lot of dollars on it. It was quite impressive, if somewhat annoying. Okay, so I hadn't had my morning coffee yet...

Once again, the Quad Queenus Emeritus was giving a clinic in the getting of Quads. Behold, Aces for $100, and then Deuces right away for $100 (on 50 cent) and then Fours dealt for $100.
Are you asking how does she do it? I ask that every fucking day.


Encore video poker

Quad Fours

She graduated to Dollars and played there for about an hour. Meanwhile I was losing and down about $230 after an hour and a half. Finally I picked up Threes for 100 beans.

Video Poker at Wynn

I got quad 7s a few minutes later so I wasn't doing too badly.

Four Sevens at video poker

And Mrs. F hit Aces on dollar Bonus for $400. She was enjoying a Video Good Poker Morning!

I really wanted to hear the Fee Fi Fo Fum! bonus song in the hit penny slot 'Giant's Gold'.

I find this vexing game unfathomable. I just don't get it. But I did want to hear the song.

So I played a $20 and got a lot of nothing. Things that looked like they should be great, weren't. And other spins that looked like nothing paid 5 cents or 25 cents or once 300 cents.

I found myself fantasizing about the Giant's Wench who was pretty hot.

Giant's Gold Wench

Maybe the attraction in this game is for the comely Giant, who seems to have pretty impressive spires, even if his head to body ratio is 1:99 instead of the normal human 1:8. Stupid big-dicked pinhead Giant!!! Give me your fucking GOLD and play the stupid SONG!!!!

The Giant's Gold Giant has strategically placed Spires.

At one point, I got three Jacks and two birds that looked like they might be chickens or ducks.

"Hey, Jacks and Ducks," I pointed out excitedly. "I have a full coop!"

Okay, so I had no chance with the video Wench, and I lost my $20. And I didn't get to hear Fee Fi Fo Fum.

For fun and chilling excitement, we walked into the Forbidden High Limit Room. It had better artwork, and a bored staff, trained in the black arts of wordlessly shunning such rabble as The Flusher. But we stood up to their stink-eye gazes and Mrs. F gave a $25 slot a spin. Three spins actually. Nothing.

Her enthusiasm undampered, she tried some rich-ass video poker machine and played some hands at the $5 level - that's $25 a hand. Peanuts to most rich people, but wall nuts to us. She managed to go from $100 to $200 so it was good.

High Limit Video Poker at Wynn
Somebody betting 1 credit a spin before we got there. Stop the madness!

We had breakfast - yes buffet again... I recommend the following: the smoked salmon, the pork pot stickers, the raspberry cheesecake shooters, the eggs B., and the curried potatoes with chick peas, unless the curry is runny, as it inexplicably was on our last morning - horrors!

Like true 'high rollers' we stopped by the Casino Host's Alcove of Intimidation. A friendly guy with hairy knuckles invited us to sit in front of his Casino Host's Desk of Intimidation with Unseeable Computer Screen that Knows All / Tells All.

We thought maybe we had played enough for Steve Wynn to pick up part of our exorbitant food bill which totalled about $430. Worth a try, right?

The hairy knuckled Seer consulted the Screen which Knows All / Tells All and said, "nope."

Seems our play was a little light to even cover our offer (3 nights, $300 free play) which I have to admit was pretty sweet, and probably worth something like $600 or $700 or maybe even more. I get Wynn offers with rooms for $109, so I figure casino rate is around that or so.

I asked him what our coin in and coin out was.

"$52,200 coin in. $52,075 coin out."

Fifty two fucking thousand in action? Downtown they would build a casino tower in our honor for that kind of action over 3 days. Not only could I not believe that we'd played that much, I couldn't believe we came so close to break-even.

I could, however, believe that the Casino Host's Alcove of Intimidation was not impressed enough with us peons to grant additional comps. I thought they might knock something off the bill, but really, my expectations were low. And they were met. I didn't really mind.

We packed up our stuff and vacated the amazing 60th (bullshit) floor room, ready to check in to our Mirage Suite - we hoped.


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