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Monday, July 29, 2013

How to Stay Free in Vegas - Part 2, Working the Phones

So as the late-mid-early-mid-August 20th Anniversary Cheapstravaganza trip approaches, the comps are coming together fairly nicely, including a surprise (probable) suite at MGM Grand. In fact, that will be my first ever stay there.

But the thing that really rankles me is that Mrs. F. outplayed me at Encore/Wynn to the point where she gets all these great offers for 2-3 nights plus freeplay, and I get the pleasure of reading them to her, and not much else.

So I decided to get on the blower and see what was what, because I have an Ace up my sleeve - I know Mrs. Flusher.

I called Wynn and was greeted with the on-hold sounds of the mating-ritual voice master Steve Wynn himself. He's recorded a bunch of marketing voice-overs that sound like, well, like he's trying to bed you.

And in a way he is, but it's in the creepy 'rubbing your wrist with the middle finger during a business handshake' way.

Put your voice down as low as you can and speak slowly, with lots of pauses, and you too can bag the hot chicks like Steve does. Try these phrases on for size:

"Poinsettia. We wanted... to create - the - most exclusive Christmas ornament shop.... in the world - and I believe we have. 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, all Christmas. Garland. Reindeer. Gnomes in red hats. Steve Wynn balls... for the tree of course. Flashing LED lights to put your kids in what I call the Wynn trance... Poinsettia. It's here - and, thank goodness, nowhere else - at Wynn, Las Vegas."

"The hottest nightclub in North America is here... at Wynn, Las Vegas. ButtoXS - it's... thumpy, it's... flashy, it has... line-ups that we create... At Wynn, Las Vegas, we've spared no expense to provide you with the highest bottle service markup ever seen. I get laid there... why not try your luck and drop it down to ButtoXS?!"

"Whether it's that fourth piece of... very green key lime pie - or you are just looking to binge and purge 9 kinds of meat - Wynn, Las Vegas has THE buffet. No judgements here... just - simply - the highest class feeding trough on the Las Vegas strip. Ask your concierge for directions and a gentle slap on the hide to get you mooving to - Pastures: The Buffet - only at Wynn, Las Vegas."


"Thank you for calling Wynn / Encore, this is Cornucopia in casino marketing, how can I assist you?"

"Hi Cornucopia," I said. "My wife gets these great offers from you guys all the time and all I get are crap 2-for-1 offers at The D. Can you help me?"

"May I have your name, your Wynn players card number, and more important, your high rolling wife's players card number?"

"Flusher. Royal Flusher." I gave her the other details which she clickety clacked into her Big Data terminal.

"Mr. Flusher, your cards are linked. That means your important-to-us wife's room offers also apply to you. But just the room offers, not the freeplay. You are not important enough to warrant free play, is that clear?"

"Clear enough for me! Screw the freeplay, I'll take the room!"

This shaped up beautifully, and I think I even get upgraded to a suite.

Three nights at EnWynn - gratis!!!

Next... what to do with the California!

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