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Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Can This Plane Go Upside Down?

Everything went smoothly.

Got all the packing stuff done, off to the Regional Aerodrome on time, beautiful summer day, breezy, sunny, lovely.

Kiss the Quad Queen goodbye, hang out at the Aerodrome and finally board the Beech-havilland Spinproppy Flutterfan 3B Stretch Mark 2 with twin Pratt and Grumpy 3 cylinder Lada-air engines.

This thing is frail enough as it is without what happened next.

So some young fairly creepy guy, maybe 15 or 16, is sitting in seat 1A, right behind the bulkhead - you know, the seat with no window and 4" of legroom. He is six feet two inches tall and weighs 86 pounds.

The 'first officer' (who also doubles as line cook at the Flusherville Regional Aerodrome coffee bar and snack grille) says to the kid, "Hey, go ahead and move back to a seat with some legroom and a window.".

The Creepy Kid responds, "Have you ever seen the movie Flight?"

"Uh... no I don't think I've seen that one."

"He flies upside down in that movie."

There is utter, dark, foreboding silence.

C.K. continues: "Can this plane fly upside down?"

"Well," says the cook first officer "we could probably go inverted, but you wouldn't like it. And we couldn't sustain inverted flight."

He manages to get out of the conversation and go up to the cockpit. But as the engines start and we taxi out, the C.K. is surreptitiously videoing everything on his iPhone. Sneaky little bastard.

So, I keep an eye on the guy and he fidgets and fidgets. He bites his thumbnail till his thumb is slick with creepy goober. He can't sit still.

I'm ready, if he gets up, I'm popping my seatbelt and taking him down before he gets to the cockpit, which has the door wide open, by the way.

So things settle down, and I start to think maybe he is just a creepy kid.

Until halfway through the flight, he puts his stuff away, and bends at the waist, head on his knees. And rocks a bit.

What the fuck is he doing???!!!!

I wonder if he is steeling himself for assault on the cockpit. After all, the Air Fuck You Canada Beech-havilland Spinproppy Flutterfan 3B Stretch Mark 2 with twin Pratt and Grumpy 3 cylinder Lada-air engines is a primo target - there must be 5 of us on board!

He sits up, and I'm ready.

He takes his phone out. I pop my seatbelt.

He starts playing Turbo Shwarma Wars III - Dungeon Bastards on his phone.

Thank goodness Creepy Kid is just that... a Creepy Kid, and we arrive in Toronto unscathed.
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