Let's talk a little business.
The Roam Mobility service, which is sponsoring this trip with free talk/text/data, has been, up till now, excellent. Their marketing guru, C., who hooked me up, did warn me that in the big casinos, signal strength would be iffy. And indeed it is - up in my room at EnWynn, service was sketchy, but good in the casino. At MGM, I had no problem at all, and used their 'high-speed wi-fi' on the phone.
Overall, so far, I would say that I would be happy to pay $4 a day for Roam service. Canadians travelling in to the US should look at it, particularly if they are staying in major centers, where they can get the latest 3D or 7G or BLT? or whatever the hell connection it is now.
Even though I wanted to like my first stay in MGM, those little things were putting me off. Like the one motorized shade of two that worked on a whim - which wasn't often.
Or the fact that the $25 (plus 12% tax) resort fee includes what they call "high-speed wi-fi internet". I can't tell you how many times I had to reconnect on the laptop, and on the knock-off smart phone. Probably 20 times.
And Jimmy Poon tells me that the less than 0.5 MBits / second speed I was getting is anything but "high-speed". I get four times faster speeds on the free downtown service. Speedtest.net rates MGM's wi-fi speed a 'D' by North American standards. This, and a news paper, is worth $25???
My suite is configured for the physically challenged, which is fine, but I wasn't told about it, or given a choice. That explains why no tub, and I think the layout is a little different than other suites.
Standing in the completely marbled shower stall, I had to wonder why it needed to have a fire sprinkler. It also had a seat, lots of grab bars, and one of those hand-held top 'n bottom squirty things, which is right up my alley.
I grabbed a tall skinny latte at Starbucks and put $21 into the Lion's Share and did not become a multi-millionaire. I did get to play for twenty minutes though, running it up over $100 and back down. Back in the room, I chowed down on one of my bird-seed bars and a few almonds. I'm a good l'il Flusher!
We had a fascinating Web Conference emanating from Norbert's office: "Giving And Receiving Criticism Objectively, Like The Complete Fucktonsils That You Are". That kept me busy for a while, which was probably a good thing.
At lunch (Avenue 24), they offered me a seat at the bar. Did they think I'd be embarrassed sitting at their version of the Single Lonely Diner Table?
I rejected the first offer.
How about this table... and they offered the L.S.D.T. I rejected the second offer.
Avenue 69, this is what I make at home. Exactly. Don't make it here and charge me $15. Does that sound harsh? They could have made it with a nice cheddar - and with the excellent tomato dipping sauce and the fries, it would have been delightful. Add a home-made bread and they could have bragged about it. I mentioned this to the waitress and they said they used to offer a choice of 3 cheeses. Clearly, the Avenue Blowme accountants that have ravaged all of MGM Mirage have also gotten to the lowly cheese sandwich.
After lunch, I lost $42 at the Lion's Share, and then managed a quad on dollar Bonus Poker. Then I lost $40 and $20 on various VP, and $101 on the Majestic Stupid Falling-over Lions getting only two $10 payouts, a $2 payout, and the rest dumperizing. Fuck me gently with a steamroller.
I was taking a minor beating and I knew it was time to retreat and regroup. This meant going up to the room and putting out yesterday's stellar blogging content. Hell, I'd only played 30 minutes in the casino and was down on the day way more than I wanted.
Eventually, I would need to take on the casino again. I had a couple of belts of Prince Plonknya, grabbed one of my cheap $2 cigars, my gambling accoutrements, Hello Kitty, Gordie Howe, Squidward lucky thong keychain, and a few other things. I would take on the dollar Bonus Poker in the high-limit room.
The session that followed was easily the highlight of my stay at MGM. It was that perfect time of day, early evening. The high-limit room was essentially deserted. I had my own attendant to call my own cocktail waitress. I had my cigar going, fouling the air for a radius of 20 meters, which kept the riff-raff away, or at least, subdued to the point of semi-consciousness, I had my Maker's Mark on the rocks at my side.
And I played.
And it went well.
I put a hundy into the machine and played it down to $15, and then recovered, due to a quad, and before long a very welcome straight flush.
|Lovely straight flush(er)!|
Got a quad, kept going.
|Was this 'quick quads' game made for the QQ or what?|
I texted the news to the Quad Queen.
"What are you gonna try next?" came the reply.
"Men's room deluxe" I texted back.
So, the newest thing, is TV screens on the faucets. Really?
I played a little more dollars, got a quad, and then promptly gave it all back in about 3 minutes. What the hey?
Time for dinner - I tried some Wok place the name of which escapes me. Wok Wok, or Wok and Roll, or Golden Wok, or Wok Job 2000 or something. I got a great Single Lonely Diner Table, well away from other diners, but near the action of the casino. I was behind glass. People watched me eat. They pointed and took pictures when I did something 'cute'. I felt like flinging feces at them.
Dinner was excellent, I must say. I had a lovely, spicy, hot and sour soup (yes, I guess my guts have recovered) and a red curry coconut chicken dish. I ate everything (except some of the rice - Las Vegas Diet!)
|Wok Single Lonely Chimp Diner Table|
|Royal Flusher was seated well out of annoyance-range of the other patrons.|
I said to the dealer, "that table over there was the coldest I've ever been on. Does this one have a sheet of ice on it too?"
The shooter set a point of 4. Great.
"So, is he gonna roll a 4 or are we going skating?" I asked the eloquent dealer.
"Lace up your Bauers everybody," I said, and left, disgusted.
I'd been flying so high on the dollar BP. Where had my luck gone???
I tried $40 on the Lion's Stupid Fucking Share. I tried $20 here, $20 there. I dipped into my Admin money when my day's stake was gone.
I played at the bar. I played at the machine I'd won the $500 on the night before.
Yes, you read that right, when the day's stake was gone... I did it again.
|My view from the $8 Lucky Heineken bar.|
I texted the Quad Queen back at home: "Total crash and burn. I suck. -$600"
And with that, I sucked my way back to my sucky suite. And the trip sucked to the total of minus $890.
This is where it could get really ugly for this trip if I don't pull a miracle out of my ass (or someone else's ass). Where is that Royal????