Monday, August 19, 2013

Pre-trip Realities - Packing Takes 38 Hours

Well, it's the eve before I take off from Flusherville Regional Aerodrome in one of Air FU Canada's paddlewheel express prop jobs for Toronto, and on to the best place on earth - Las Vegas.

There's so much preparation that needs to be done, even though every trip, I swear I am going to keep it simple.

And there are so many plans that usually go by the wayside, once I find myself slamming down the Absoluts and pounding the gambling buttons.


There's such a difference between the best laid plans of mice and Flushers:

Planned: I'll take a carry on, lightly packed. It shouldn't take more than an hour to get everything together.

Reality: There are 14 different cables and adapters I need for crap I'm taking, there are 6 or so items that will take, cumulatively, 3 hours to locate (none of which I will use, except maybe the pornoculars, in case I get a room with a view of one of those topless pools). Two prescriptions will need refilling, which will require two separate trips to the Flusherville Drug Emporium. And, at the last minute, I'll work up a sweat in the last 40 minutes before leaving the house, trying to find my noise cancelling earbuds. When I get to the airport, the battery will have died and I'll spend $28.15 plus tax on two AAA batteries.

Planned: I have carefully researched the best gambling plays at each of the establishments I'm staying at. I'll play where I stay, and choose from these top picks, employing perfect strategy without fail.

Reality: "Hey, that slot machine is purple and makes music! I'm playin' that shit!!!!" "I stand on 15 against dealer 9 all the live fucking long day! Another Absolut!" "I'm bored of Jacks or Better.... I'ma try Super Ultra Mega Double Triple Quadruple Boner Plus Deluxe Shake-a-chair Superman Does Batman Turbo Poker!"

Planned: I'll keep a reasonable routine, get some exercise and watch the calories.

Reality: Heart Attack Grill Quadruple Bypass Burger

You know how this goes, right...

Read the next post to learn about my patent pending Royal Flusher's Las Vegas Diet!

2 comments:

  1. re: cables--I feel your pain.

    P.S. The URL for diet link is bad.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I may resolve to buy nothing further unless it is wireless. Thanks for the heads up, linky fixed.

    ReplyDelete

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