Monday, August 19, 2013

Royal Flusher's Las Vegas Diet

So, Mrs. Flusher says I should lose about 40 pounds. And I've made a good start, cleaning up my eating habits and losing 15 pounds, with a small lapse (one year and two months) after pounds 8 and 9. But I carried on. I've been good, walking Chippy almost every day. It's doing Chippy some good too, she can almost keep up now. When I started, I'd leave her little roller skates on almost the whole way, but now she only needs them for the uphill parts.

I want to try not to undo too much of the good I've done myself... but it's Vegas! How the hell is this going to work, especially when I start the day with things like country-fried steak and eggs (any style) with throw-up gravy, hashbrowns, toast and jam, and six coffees????

OK, I've got about 2,000 calories a day to 'spend' in order to maintain, and maybe lose a little weight. All I have to do is figure out a plan that works, and stick to it. I don't have to give up all the pleasures of Vegas gluttony... just sort of choose wisely. That should be easy!


Royal Flusher's Vegas Diet - Mediterranean Plan

Breakfast - 500 calories: This could be 2 eggs any style, two slices buttered toast and coffee. Or it could be 4 eggs any style, one slice plain toast, and coffee. Or it could be 8 eggs any style, hold two of the yokes, and coffee.

Snack - 300 calories: Three Coors Light.

Lunch - 800 calories: Cheeseburger and ten carefully selected fries (any style).

Afternoon snack - 500 calories: Five shots of Jack at the Mikes' Bar in the Four Queens.

Dinner - 9 calories: After dinner mint.

Bedtime snack - 500 calories: Five Coors Light.

Total: 2,609 calories, weight loss over trip, gain 3 pounds.

Clearly there are some deficiencies in the Mediterranean Plan. Adding some exercise could do the trick.

Royal Flusher's Vegas Diet - Malibu Plan

Breakfast - 1000 calories: Country-fried steak and eggs (any style) with throw-up gravy, hashbrowns, toast and jam, and six coffees. Eat only half the steak, and only one piece of toast.

Exercise - (150 calories): Twenty minute brisk walk up and down Fremont or through strip casinos.

Snack - 300 calories: Three Coors Light.

Lunch - 900 calories: Oxtail stew, two saltines.

Exercise - (150 calories): Twenty minute brisk walk up and down Fremont or through strip casinos or from machine to machine whilst gambling.

Afternoon snack - 500 calories: Five shots of Absolut at the Boar's Head Bar in Main Street Station.

Dinner - 39 calories: Oreo.

Bedtime snack - 500 calories: Five Coors Light.
 
Total: 2,929 calories, weight loss over trip, gain 6 pounds.

Royal Flusher's Vegas Diet - Olympic Plan

Breakfast - 1400 calories: Country-fried steak and eggs (any style) with throw-up gravy, hashbrowns, toast and jam, and six coffees. Eat everything on my plate and belch like Honey Boo Boo's Mom.

Exercise - (450 calories): One hour brisk walk up and down Fremont or through strip casinos.

Snack - 300 calories: Three Coors Light.

Lunch - 1300 calories: Buffet. Two cheesecakes.

Exercise - (1800 calories): One hour brisk walk up and down Fremont or through strip casinos or from machine to machine whilst gambling, climb Stratosphere.

Afternoon snack - 700 calories: Seven shots of Absolut at the Boar's Head Bar in Main Street Station.

Nap.

Dinner - 1200 calories: Prime Rib, baked, sour cream. Two cheesecakes (any style).

Bedtime snack - 500 calories: Five Coors Light.

Total: 3650 calories, but I'll have legs like an offensive lineman. Weight loss over trip, gain Shamu pounds.

And there you have it, savvy Vegas dieting, the Royal Flusher Way!

7 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Well, not really priceless. Yeah, the snacks and a good portion of the food are "free" (see How To Stay Free in Vegas, Parts 1-3), but most of the exercise is going to set Mr. Flusher back a few bucks. Hell, climbing the Stratosphere alone has to cost $20.00, and that's if he climbs inside. Outside, with ropes and shit, now that's priceless.

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  2. Thanks for your comments. And Anonymous, thanks for making sure your comment went through!

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  3. You always make me laugh - thanks Flusher!!
    Brensan

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  4. RF,

    You are seriously underestimating your physical efforts and caloric burn. For example;
    1. Swivel in seat while playing video poker to order a drink or take the drink from cocktail waitress and giving her a tip- 1 calorie
    2. Carry loaded plate of mashed potatoes, gravy and prime rib from buffet line to your table- 4 calories
    3. Repeatedly put slot card in the slot when the machine tells you to reinsert it because it didn't read it the first time- 1 calorie
    4. Cross from one side of Fremont to the other to avoid porn slapper, derelict dressed like Sponge Bob, or homeless guy with a cardboard sign- 5 calories
    5. Lose your players card, look through all your pockets and finally go to the player's club, stand in line and get another card made and return to your machine- 10 calories
    6. Remember that each Coors Light is only yours for a period of time- walk from machines to bathroom and back again- 15 calories.

    Regards,
    Paul

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  5. LOL Paul! More savvy diet tips! I'm also wondering about the calories burned while standing at the craps table, not to mention the caloric-intensive 'seven-out dice throw'.

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  6. Super funny...always love to read your posts!
    Going to Vegas with wife for the weekend, comped at Bally's, actually is the wife's comp, and she likes to camp-out in pretty much one spot when she feels comfy and never really goes out in the "hot oven" til is time to drive back to California in the "hot oven" desert sun.
    Hope the Food Gods treat us all well!
    Regards
    John

    ReplyDelete

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