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Sunday, September 1, 2013

Gamble Along With Flusher At Home!

My Dad once told me a story about when they were teaching nuclear theory in school. The question posed was 'how do you throw a grain of sand through a little tiny hole just bigger than the grain of sand itself' - the idea being that it is pretty fucking tough to get atoms to run at each other and hit and split and blow up. Hell, it's almost as tough as getting a comp at the Smug Nugget for video poker play.

"So," the teacher had asked, "how do you get a grain of sand to go through a little tiny hole?"

Dad was so proud when he blurted out loudly in front of the whole class, "You throw a handful of sand!!!"

Anyway, this story reminded me of Keno and I realized I've been going about it all wrong.

"Mrs. Flusher, the Quad Queen, we've been approaching Keno all wrong! Do you know what happens when, instead of a grain at a time, you throw a handful of sand at a tiny opening in the wall?"

"You get a sandy hole?" she replied, without hesitation.

"Queen, we are talking Keno here, not the beach."

I never win at Keno for two reasons:
  • It is the shittiest game in the casino with a house edge of about 20% and only a complete dipmoron (like me) would ever play it
  • I don't play enough games!
So, I've decided, instead of playing a handful of games at a time - like 20 dollar games, or 40 fifty-cent games...

...I am going to become a Keno Stupid High Roller.

And what does a K.S.H.R. do instead of throwing 20 games at a Keno hole in the wall?

He throws a handful of sandy Keno games at a Keno hole in the wall.

I'm going to play FIVE HUNDRED GAMES OF KENO on one ticket. That's right. 500 games.

The best part of it is, you're going to play along!

You see, you can watch the California keno games online.

Now, one of the big questions is... which numbers should I play?

Loyal reader and savvy player Jon says "What about using the winning keno numbers from the MGM as your keno numbers for the keno extravaganza?? 7, 10, 14, 22, 30, 33, 41, 52, 54, 80"

An interesting prospect indeed! The numbers certainly worked out for Sid Caesar.

On the other hand, he was so excited to finally win, he kicked the bucket right in the MGM Green Keno lounge (which sadly no longer exists).

I have other lucky numbers that I usually play though - on the other hand, I haven't ever won diddley fart fuck all on them.

But I promised the Cal folks I'd always play 50 in their honor.

There are so many choices here! (Up to 20 out of 80 to be exact.)

The online Keno Action will be just as riveting and thrilling as if you were sitting in the California keno lounge on a green vinyl seat replete with cigarette scars, a thin line of keno drool making its way to the obnoxious casino carpet below.

Maybe you'll see me hit 7 of 7! It'll be marginally fun!

Ready for the lucky numbers?

Here they are.

5 ,6, 8, 12, 18, 19, 21

The nitro-fueled, blistering All Keno Action starts with Game number 40 and continues to game 539.

Go here plug these number in under 'My Lucky Numbers' on the left, and stay up for the next two days and nights.

Celebrate the thrill of agony, the victory of keno defeat along with me live!

Here's what I could win:

4 out of 7: $ 0.25
5 out of 7: $ 3.75
6 out of 7: $50.00
7 out of 7: $4000.00

Yeah, that's four thousand dollars. Well, here's hoping!


    1. I can't believe that my life has been reduced to watching Keno on my computer with someone else's numbers which after an hour has not one anything! But I wish you "good luck" in your endeavor.

    2. I got through about four games, and remembered that Keno is only good in a restaurant to distract me from thinking how long my dinner is taking to be served.


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