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Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Where There Are Credits...

Sunday morning in Vegas. Grab a Starbucks and perk it up at the bar with a shot of Jamie. Can I get an Amen?

Once more, at the bar, some strange drunk characters ‘entertained’ us. This time it was a couple of guys who had had a long night.

But one of them, this very short dude, was yammering on in a loud high-pitched voice - basically, he was the drunk gay Mexican Joe Pesci.

One minute it was, “No way. No way. No way. Fuck this shit. No. Fuck this shit. I know this shit and fuck this shit. I’m done with this.”

And the next minute it was, “Let’s drive to L.A. Right friggin now. Let’s go. Let’s go. Let’s drive to L.A. Let’s go to the car and let’s drive to L.A.”

The other guy would say, “Mumble mumble mumble rhubarb.”

And then, “No. Let’s drive to L.A.”

I almost wish I had been able to hear more.

On the gambling side, I put $20 in 50 cent and hit a quad. Parlayed to dollars and hit a quad. Sweet, right? Parlayed to $2 and… I screwed this up. I got cocky, I had $200 in the machine and played it into the ground in a couple of minutes. I never should have played through at $2.

I did about $1500 coin in at the bar and we both got some quads, but I walked away from there a loser of $20 and I didn’t have to.

Lame BP short pay quad



We tried some longshot Boner Deluxe and I won… nothing. Before long I was in one hell of a hole. I felt even stupider for squandering my $200 lead.

Growing hungry, we walked down a near deserted Fremont Street to Magnolia’s at the Four Queens for breakfast and was served by the Waitress That Calls Me Baby.
Magnolia's second best Single Lonely Diner Table
Magnolia's best Single Lonely Diner Table
Our days were starting to take on an easy predictable pattern, in some sense. This is why I tell people that going to Vegas is like going to the cottage for me.

Is it any surprise that we no sooner sat down when Trina burbled, “How you doin’ baby, country fried steak and eggs with plenty of country throw-up gravy, rib eye steak and eggs medium - no medium rare, sourdough, right baby?”

I was actually going to try something different but what the heck. C.T-U.G is never wrong, it’s so damn right.

Breakfast was great as always. But afterwards Trina started talking about some concerns she had - a family health crisis. It just came rolling out of her and I guess she just needed to talk.

I got up and gave her a real big old hug and told her everything would be okay. You never know when someone needs you.


I was down $300 on the day at this point and the Queen was down $150.

We headed down the stairs to the casino and I said, “Okay, what’s your plan, Stan?”

“Win,” said the Quad Queen.

“Win? That’s your entire plan?”

“That’s always the plan in Vegas!

We settled on dollar Jacks.
The dollar Jacks machines ate another $200 pretty quickly. I was at that flipping point which for me is now set at $500.
One lone quad for me.
That was the point at which I felt like the day was a total loss and I would have to ration my gambling dollars to keep the losses in check.

I snuck away ‘to the Men’s room’ - which I did, and also stopped by the Slot Club to talk to Jay’s boss about a kindness he’d shown me on the last trip. I found her there and put in a good word for him.

Then I snuck over to my favorite Double Diamond reel slot and did the shameful act that we all do.

You know…

I put in $20 of the tip money, so it wouldn’t count against my losses.

On about the third pull I won $20, and then I won cherries or something and hey, I cashed out $40.

A psychological win, anyway.

I put the tipping $20 back and had $20 to spend any way I wanted. A back alley tattoo. penny candy… gambling…

Grabbing the Quad Queen, I steered her to the Palace bar and greeted the Mikes, ordered a drink, and told all about my terrible morning.

I put my lone $20 in the machine.

“I need to win back my bankroll. I need premium quads with kicker. Actually, what I need are Aces kicker. That would do it.”

We started to play. I got a couple of fulls house. I was going up, not down - a new sensation! And before I knew it, I’d nailed a quad - Jacks. Hey sweet, I had a buffer! Was there really hope?

Well, no. All of a sudden I got messages on the screen from Alien lifeforms - messages the likes I’d never seen before.
Fortunately, they were short-lived. But then they happened again - and again. And while the messages happened nobody could play.
Paging Jimmy Poon!
It was kind of weird. I wished Jimmy Poon were around to fix it, or at least, start my car remotely for me.

Now… was there really hope????

Oh yes there was. And there it was, the answer to my dreams. I saw them come up.

“FOUR ACES DEALT - LOOK!” I shrieked like a kindergartner hitting his first parlayed hard eight. And then I looked again and yes, there was the kicker with it!!!!

Held ‘em and listened to the happy video poker orgasm music.

“I said what I had to do. And I did it,” I said.

“You sure did,” said the Bar Queen. “You are so lucky this trip! I’m just getting my ass kicked over and over.”

It was true, I had had a lot of good luck and the Quad Queen was down way more than usual.

“Look at the bright side,” I said. “Between the two of us, we’re winners. Except for you.”

“Mike, look at this,” I said, waving him over. “You know what Royal Flusher says?”

“He says all kinds of crap,” said Mike, rightly.

“Royal Flusher says, ‘Where there are credits, there are hope.’


    1. Oh, so you only have to SAY what it is you need and the gambling gods comply? Gee, I never thought of that!

      I'm loving your posts, as usual. I'm glad you've been feeling the love, but it's time to share a bit with the QQ.

    2. Come on QQ, dollar royal!


    Leave a message for Royal Flusher!