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Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Here Lies Jimmy Poon's $300 Key Fob

With 20 minutes left, I hit the Fremont. No card. Triple play Super Times Pay.

I played like a madman. It was kind of exhilarating, actually. I had limited time to win enough money to buy Jimmy Poon a replacement  $300 Start-o-matic remote car starter key fob.

And I started to win some!
And I got dealt a straight with a 5x multiplier!
And I was dealt three to a Royal - wouldn't that have made a great end to this story?
It was not to be.
Some Vegas history. Here Lies Jimmy Poon's $300 Key Fob
I played. I played past my time limit. By 5 minutes. And then 10. It was as if I couldn't quit. And shit, I'd have to get my stuff out of the room, check out, get the car, haul ass down to the rental car return, and make turbo-tracks for the airport.

And then 15 minutes past my time limit.

I hated the trip to end this way but I had to call it.

Cash out.

I was up $140 on the session, half a key fob, give or take.

And then, I got my stuff out of the room, checked out, got the car...

I stopped off at Super Laundry. And YES!!! They had a set of keys!!!!!

For a BUICK.

Not mine.

I hauled ass down to the rental car return, and made turbo-Flusher-tracks for the airport.

It all worked out though, I even had time to order some Carl's Jr. Unfortunately, ordering was the fast part. They had a huge backlog of people waiting for their numbers to be called. Some even wandered off a bit, annoying the number calling woman at the counter.

I got talking to a guy in line waiting for a Westjet flight to Edmonton. We were kind of joking about the line and the number calling woman who was getting testy with all the pressure. And then, one of those moments as a blogger and relater of funny happenings that you just could not make up.

"Sixty nine."

The next order was up.

"Sixty nine."


I started snickering and elbow Edmonton guy. "Hey nobody wants 69..." I said. He sniggered.

"Sixty Nine???!!"

We couldn't take it. We started in. No mercy.

"Yes please!"

"SIXTY NINE! SIXTY. NINE! I'm looking for SIXTY. NINE!!!" she yells.

We were DYING... "You don't have to beg!" "I didn't know fish was on the menu!" "How about 68 and I owe you one?"

Finally, finally, Mr. Sixtynine gets his order. Probably some chicken. Yeah, greasy thighs...

All this nonsense almost made up for the shitty burger I had to wolf down.

I guess 72 just isn't as good as 69.

I did play at the airport but for the first time in like forever I didn't hit anything. I lost $40 but the day was still a winner, cause I finished up $100. We boarded and as always, I noted the moment I stepped off the ramp and into the plane - because that was the moment I was no longer in my beloved Las Vegas.


Winter was still raging back in Flusherville. More snow was coming.

I'd had one HELL of a great trip. I really, really enjoyed it and it so made up for the previous stinker. I'd gotten my first dollar Royal in 19 years, gotten so many straights flush, snapped off the over $1000 Aces kicker at the Downtown Grand, had so much great food and so many laughs. I'd even pretty much balanced off the Quad Queen's losses.

The usual stuff at home. Get the laundry going. Get unpacked. Look at email maybe.

There was a stack of mail beside my armchair and I sat down to go through it. Mostly crap.

Some offers... for Las Vegas... I smiled. A plain white envelope. One of those puffy ones with bubble wrap, marked from Scarborough. Hunh.

I picked it up and there was a shape inside that seemed familiar. I picked it up and showed it to the Quad Queen.

"Look at this - does this shape look familiar to you?"

It did. I opened the package.

Inside was the $300 Start-o-matic remote car starter key fob, my Tercel and house keys, mail key, 2007 War Amps tag, Veeblefetzer locker key, Pet Smart discount tag, and, of course, vintage plastic El Cortez photo keychain thingy with some unknown broad’s picture in it that I liked the look of so I took it off the board at the slot club in the El Cortez once.

Totally, the Royal Flusher Way.

The End

Quad Queen: trip -$1620
Royal Flusher: day +$100, trip +$1310
War Amps: +$300 key fob
Good Samaritan: my deep, heartfelt thanks for taking the keys I'd probably lost in Pearson International and putting them in a mailbox for the War Amps to do their magic on.

In Canada we have an organization called the War Amps. These guys have supported our wounded troops since 1918. They support children missing limbs through their charity, and through their ongoing education program PlaySafe.

I wrote a check for $150 to support these folks and to thank them for returning my keys. If you Canadians enjoyed The Flusher's exploits, why not send five bucks or ten bucks (or more) next time you put one of those little plastic keytags that War Amps sends you? You'll feel good - and you just might get your keys back like I did.


Thank you to my loyal supporters out there. I've heard from quite a few of you over the time these (unbelievably long) trip report was posted.

You've made this the most-read trip report ever on with over 30,000 visits, and almost 90,000 page views, and still counting.

There will be more to come including a rare Vintage Vegas trip report from years gone by when I was much more degenerate and not as savvy. Watch for that this summer.

Fifty trips to Vegas.... should I shoot for a hundred?

Royal Flusher

"Let's drive to L.A. Let's drive to L.A. Let's Drive to L.A. Right now."


    1. Awesome as usual Flusher! Looking forward to Vintage Flusher!!

    2. Epic. Truly Epic.

    3. What do you mean when you more degenerate and less savvy? Have you changed? I hope not.

    4. You're thanking us? No thank you! I look forward to each and every letter you type. Vegas is awesome. There is nothing like it anywhere else. I leave tomorrow after work for 4 days of Vegas VP and drag racing. I do this at least 4 times per year and I still start vibrating a week before I make the 240 mile drive. Again...thanks!

    5. Key Karma!! A very fitting ending to a great series of trip reports. Thank you, Flusher, you have made coffee in the mornings in front of my computer a joy.

    6. I loved it! I was looking forward for the next part when I was coming home from work! I will be in Vegas in 23 days!!!

    7. Thanks for taking us on another terrific RF & QQ trip - I'm going to miss checking in for your next post. War Amps is a great idea and cause, not sure if we've got a U.K. equivalent but will look into it right now. BTW, are your aspirations really limited to shooting for 100 trips ? I think not !!

    8. I'm sorry your trip is over because I so enjoy reading your reports - especially when you are winning, of course. Glad your keys came back to you! (I think you earned some good karma by re-tipping for your regular housekeeper. That's my explanation. Bless the War Amps too!)

    9. I hate that your trip is over...LOVE these reports! Do you have any other blogs? Maybe you could start one about #7 even make those enjoyable. Congrats on a great trip, you deserve it.

    10. OH NO!! Report over?? Brilliant as always, really enjoyed the read, funny as hell. Thanks Mr. Flusher, its been emotional :)

    11. Dang it Flusher, that was a bunch of great reads, and I'm gonna miss having a new installment every morning. Best of luck back in the North-land, and don't let Norbert get you down. Don in Denver

    12. Awww....I was praying for more storms in grommetville just so you would have to stay in town. Love your trip reports, sense of humor, and the wishful thinking. (My former therapist called it magical thinking. But when the magic happens it's the best feeling in the world.)

    13. I'm driving to Vegas tomorrow for a undetermined amount of time on a tiny bankroll....So I caught up on your blog to get ready. Awesome last trip. Killed hours and I'm fired up. Thanks Flushy!


    14. RF,
      Love your trip reports and appreciate the details.
      When are you going to organize a FlusherCom so we all get a chance to meet you in Vegas? Just imagine, a herd of Vegas fanatics well fueled by adult beverages banging away on quarter progressives!

    15. WOW, what a fun read! I always enjoy your TRs. They're fun for me because you stay/play where we do. I can usually visualize where you are during the report. You commented on mt TR that we were there at the same time. I asked if it was your wife who stepped on my husband's eyeglasses. You need to show all your fans what you look like! Keep on writin'.

      ~ VPDana


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