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Sunday, June 22, 2014

Are These Your Fruits of the Loom?

Saturday October 12, 2002

Got up at 7:00am and did my pre-gambling ablutions, including showering. I also dried myself after showering, ensuring a successful experience at putting on clothing.

Guess where I had my breakfast? At the Emporer’s Buffet, of course, featuring the little perfect oval waffles. Two sausage patties, melon, 5 (count ‘em) strawberries, coffee.

Phoned home and made a web cam appearance on the very lame IP webcam up at the entrance.

Everything about the Imperial Palace seemed like it was lifted from a bad Vegas dream, like this weird entrance.
Remember webcams with 6 pixels of resolution?
Played twenty of Mrs. Flusher’s dollars - 20 in, zero out. She’s so unlucky! Played 64 hands.

Hit the dollar VP for a quick $40 profit. (For some reason I was very interested in understanding how much play you typically get out of a $20 bill.)

So. 9/6 full pay Jacks or Better video poker.
Me: $20 in, 0 out, 186 hands
Me: $20 in, 0 out, 160 hands
Mrs. F’s money: $20 in, 0 out, 24 hands! OUCH!

And then… super-streak began.

Creepy woman that they throw pennies at. Harrahs??
$20 in, 0 out, 600 hands. Now that’s some play for your money. But!!! In almost 1000 hands NO QUADS. Or Straights Flush!

So… I decided to try, as per instructions relayed from home base, $20 in White Hot Aces for Mrs. Flusher, which carries such a premium for quads.

I figure I’m way overdue (fully ignoring the mathematical fallacy of this). I play $20 and… it’s…. gone. Sorry, Mrs. F.

Chased quads with the remainder of my Mrs. F cash on hand. $80 and NO FREAKIN QUADS. Only got about 200 hands or so. Disaster.

On the good side, I had fun this morning and I played for about 2 ½ hours straight. Earned a full $7.50 in cash back, and now ready to do something else - anything else - except gamble.

I decided that I would punish myself by eating, for lunch, only granola bars brought from home. Also, I want to be good and hungry for comped Mirage buffet #2 tonight.

I resolved that, for the rest of this trip, I would not follow one $20 with another without taking a five minute break to think about it. This is the first time this trip I’ve gotten lulled into thinking something ‘had’ to happen and chasing it.

Don’t chase the win.

Scared money loses.

Happy feet know where to go when they feel low.

All winners look sharp!
One of four gratuitous Flamingo pictures that have nothing to do with this post's content.

Flaming. O. Pool
And again.
So, I took a long break. When you have a limited budget, going through that much money hurts. I visited the Auto Showroom (free) and took lots of auto pictures. Then, following my Carefully Plotted New Gambling Strategy, played $20 in Bonus Poker. I played maybe 80 or 100 hands but no goddamn fucking quad.

Cashed out at $0.00.

Time for a room break to do some ablutions, reset, and mentally prep before heading down strip.

I followed the rat maze along the very long Marathon hallways to my room, which was the last one at the very end of the hallway. I don't think there is a room further from the lobby. I found that the maid was working on my room.

I pushed the cart aside, “Hello?....”

“Hi,” I said to a startled maid named Buelah. “Not to worry, Buelah, this is my room…”

I opened the drawer I’d put my clothes in to stash my camera, and it had been emptied. Odd.

I put the camera in the drawer and then noticed that my stuff was all re-arranged. I started looking through my stuff, and my Fruit of the Looms were on the table, all folded nicely.

Kind of over-zealous for a maid, I thought.

Then, I noticed a small fridge had been brought up and placed in my room. “How convenient that will be…” I thought.

And then it dawned on me. And I looked at the number on the door and yes, I was in the room at the end of the hall… but on the wrong floor. I was tossing someone else's room.

I grabbed my camera, and fuckin’ high-tailed it out of there without saying a word.

Flotation devices are allowed at the Imperial Palace pool complex.


    1. Flusher, it doesn't matter what kind of a day, great or terrible, or what time of day or where I've been...reading your latest installment always makes everything better. I look forward to every word. Your down-to-earth stories bring Vegas alive. As long as the blogs keep coming--even last decade's vintage--I'll check in every day for more. Keep playing and winning and writing and please keep visiting LV regularly. Thanks for always spicing up my day.

      1. Very kind of you to say so. I'm glad I am bringing some Vegas enjoyment into your day!

    2. 10/10 for the comments above. This is a fascinating look back.


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