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Saturday, September 27, 2014

Mezzanine: Italian for 100 Yards Away

We managed not to make the same navigational error as the night before - dare I say it - thanks to LuLU’s understanding of the layout of Wynn. For some reason I have always made the same blunders and ended up exiting Wynn from the loading docks, or out a fire escape into oncoming traffic.
Random beautiful city and mountain picture.
We sweltered our way to the Fashion Show Guillotine - stopping on the way to take some pictures of exotic tourists.

I love helping people who are far, far, far, from home, who are agog and in wonderment at the unfathomable sights, sounds, and yes - smells - of North America.

“So, where are you from,” I asked, handing back the husband’s phone, which I’d loaded up with great photos of he, his wife, and a stacked blonde that had wandered by.

“California. San Jose,” he said.

It was hot. Boy was it hot. We lined up outside Tix4Tonite and argued about whether there would be an exit from Nieman Marcus leading directly to T.I. I said no, LuLU said it had to be.

I tried to get a picture of a man’s shirt, whose sleeve was proudly emblazoned with the fashionista words “Special Premium Model”. I love that shit.
Super Premium Model
We looked at a few options while waiting and I insisted to LuLU that Kenny really wanted to see Boys 2 Men.

“What? Boys to Rent?”

“Sorry, did you say Boys do Men?”

“What about Crass Angle?”

“Does he like magic? David Crapperfield?”

“Who? David Coppedafeel? How about something racy like Fantasy - Underwear Achievers?”

“He likes music… maybe that Rock of Old Ages?”

“Who’s this Fairy Tator guy?”

“How about Shania Twang? She playing?”

“Not sure about any Sir Q Do So Lame shows.”

“I still think he’d like the Tournament of Wangs over at Dickscalibur.”

We got to the guy with the iPad and he confirmed we could get Penn and Teller tickets for about half the price I saw online earlier - sixty something bucks plus four hundred bucks in convenience fees - for the convenience of having a ticket, I guess.

At the counter we got our order in and had a great time being served by Esther. Esther was 99.999% pregnant - she was ready to go anytime, she said.

“LuLU and I have twelve children together,” I said. “It’s hard to get away. It’s okay though, because I left the eldest in charge - the eight year old. She’s great with the little ones.”

LuLU gave me the stink-eye while Esther nodded sagely.

“I raised my brothers and sisters since about ten.I took my nieces, who were growing up, if you know what I mean, to that Bodies exhibit at Luxor,” said Esther. “I showed them what happens to your body when you have a baby inside. That was IT, we are never gonna have any boy trouble with those girls. They are having sex like - never!!!”

“I bet their knees are clamped together so tight that they each only need one shoe,” I added.

Esther was killing herself laughing and it was just one of those nice, unexpected things where you hit it off with someone and laugh like, well, a lot. An awful lot.

The printer jammed when it came time to print the necessary convenient pieces of paper. They worked on it while she monitored the printer.

“It’s coming out, it’s coming out now!” she said.

LuLU didn’t miss a beat.

“Esther, honey, please stop looking down and yelling ‘It’s coming out!!!’”

I gave her a tip for the baby, and one of my patent pending uber useless business cards and wished her well.

“Here’s something for you. Remember, if it’s a boy… Royal is a really nice name. Just sayin’. If it’s a girl, Royal is a really nice name. Also just sayin’.”

Next, it was time for LuLU to test her ninja navigational skills and confirm once and for all that there was another way to T.I. through Nieman Marcus. She wanted to eventually hit Mirage to find a slot she had spied on an early morning stroll - one of those IGT Inching Diamonds reel slots. The ones where the reels stop in such positions as to pay you nothing, and then some of them with diamonds pointing up or down inch up or down into new positions, so as to also pay you nothing.

I went back and took a rest, and then worked away at the video poker again. I had some quads here and there, but again, the money was going fairly fast, and steadily. No bail-out this time.

The plan was to have dinner at Rollin’ Smoke (check my Rollin' Smoke Restaurant Review here) now one of my ‘must go-to’ Vegas restaurants. It was nicely on the way to Rio - where we’d see Penn and Teller.

I did indeed ask for Chester Briquettes at the podium, and sure enough, some of you fine readers have been following suit. I’m not sure if they are annoyed about it or not, but I am sure the are liking the publicity my little ole blog has sent their way. Everybody needs another drop in the bucket, right?

Dinner was fab again - and I took only one shitty picture of it. LuLU and I picked some things to try and share, and poor Kenny was still grinding on the waffle and really not feeling well at all. I was starting to get a bit worried about him.
About to ask for Chester Briquettes at Rollin' Smoke

Ribs 'n Sides 'n Brisket!

We were on time getting out of Rollin’ Smoke - can’t wait to go back though. I found my way to Rio and the valet parking was a total cluster. Fortunately all the timing worked out, even though it took 10 minutes to ditch the car.

Our $65 Penn and Teller seats were excellent ones with a view of the entire theatre, pretty much. That’s because they were in the second last row of the mezzanine. Clearly, mezzanine is Italian for “100 yards away”.

The show was great. We all enjoyed it, and there were plenty of laughs, irreverent comedy, real magic (some things quite astonishing), and even a pro-libertarian rant from Penn. Because show business and politics should always go together, especially when you have an audience, many of which have paid as much as half price for a ticket to be entertained by you.

I really like Penn and Teller. I’ve seen the show before, and I will probably see it again in a year or two.

At valet pickup, I got a text from a female friend back home.

“Hey - I don’t know if I did the right thing with my hair.”

I texted back within 2 seconds, like a pro “Hair looks fine"

"I'm not sure about the streaks - 2 streaky and not subtle"

It just so happened, a streaky looking female was right in front of my, so I snapped one of her and sent it.
Streaks look fine.
"See? Fine."

And then, I noticed a fine looking young woman taking pictures of an overflowing garbage bin.

“I can throw some garbage on the ground if you want, and you can take pictures of it,” I offered helpfully.

Turned out she was the hotel’s General Manager. And she was going to be on someone’s case about the unsightly trash situation. And actually, she had a good point.

I was impressed that she gets around and takes action on things like that - good attention to detail. I was just working up to figuring out how to get a comped dinner out of her somehow when our shitbox car arrived and that was that.

Now - regarding the day's play. I had tons of quads, as you can see. Did that make me a winner? Not on your life. How can this be?!

I did $6000 coin-in on the day, all on quarters, most on triple play. And I lost $900 by the time it was done, so the ass-kicking was full and complete.

That is a shocking 85% payback rate. That’s how bad my luck was. Playing a 97% game, which is bad enough to begin with, and hitting 85%... well, you are gonna take a beating.

Hi, I’m Steve Beating, and welcome to my beating. I’ve got… easy navigation, it’s fast and convenient, and I’m glad you’re giving me your cash.

Royal Flusher: Day $-900 Trip $-2400


    1. Damn Flush, where is that Royal?

    2. Well, this is the salient point isn't it... !! :(

    3. Love the "super premium model", the turned up collar completes the douche bag look.


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