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Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Keep it Simple and Stupid

"Jimmy Poon," I said to Jimmy Poon, "the new blog redesign looks great! I love what you've done with the place."

Jimmy Poon emitted one of his high pitched elfin giggles, the same kind that keeps the vermin away from the lunchroom at Royal Canadian Veeblefetzer, where I pad my Las Vegas budget by pushing the buttons on a Grommetmaster El Dorado Mark IV and thus causing it to repeatedly expectorate size 7 grommets into a huge metal bin, at about the rate that a rabbit on crystal meth poops raisins.

"I'm glad you like it, Royal. There still needs to be some thing upper right corner of banner though. So when are you going back to Vegas?"

"Yeah," said Kenny Blankenship, who had completely recovered from his mysterious Vegas-borne illness which had unfortunately completely destroyed his non-partying trip with me last summer, "when are you going back to Vegas?"

"Yeah," said various lunchroom characters with their tuna sandwiches, thermoses of Campbell's tomato, and bags of sour cream 'n onion chips, "when ARE you going back to Vegas, Royal?"

"Boys, I have a trip planned for October 25th."

"That's tomorrow!" exclaimed Kenny. "Today is Friday October 24th. That would make tomorrow October 25th!"

"Kenny, your dazzling logic is inescapable. We leave Flusherville tomorrow, aka tonight at 3:30am to catch the 5:30am flight from the Regional Aerodrom, on to Toronto, and then on Air FU Canada Rouge to Vegas. We'll be there by 10:30am Vegas time."

The excitement in the lunchroom was palpable, along the lines of the level of excitement everyone on the grommet line felt when the Fedex truck pulled up to the Estimatin' Department. Almost anything could be delivered by a Fedex truck. Would the Fedex man get out of the Fedex truck? Would he have a package? Who would it be for?!

In my line of work, anything that breaks the drudgery is gold.

The problem was, I wasn't feeling it.

"Jimmy Poon, Kenny, I'm not feeling it."

"No!!!!!!!" There was a chorus of the word 'no', followed by the sound of many exclamation points.

Here's the thing... last trip, I took the worst beating in Vegas I'd ever had.

Last Trip Final Royal Flusher: 
Day $-00 Trip $-4610 
Q.Q. (by proxy): Trip: $-300

You can read it for yourself in the Sept 2014: Kenny and LuLU Trip Report.

But the Quad Queen hadn't had a holiday from the Estimatin' Department in about six months. And we'd had this booked for ages.

"Royal, remember what Jimmy Poon says," said Jimmy Poon. "Keep it simple and stupid. Keep pressing the buttons. And trust the math."

Jimmy Poon tapped his temple with a slender finger, which came to a delicate point and an overly long fingernail, just as all of his slender fingers did.

The Quad Queen's flight was booked on Avion points, and I had a one way booked on Aerofuckyouplan points, with the return paid for. So that part of it was cheap.

But what about the gambling? Out of the last three trips, I'd gotten my ass handed to me in a plastic football drink cup two times. I could not afford to go three out of four. I didn't have room to carry any more of my ass!

Regardless, I went. With trepidation, I went.

I'll cut to the chase - the flights out went by the book, for once. Our luggage was there, the limo guy was there, a nice guy from Regina, had some cool stories about the old days... in the very next post... we'll be in Vegas starting our new adventure. No Kickers!


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