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Saturday, May 23, 2015

The Space Between Marilyn Monroe's Breasts

Day 2 - part 3

I nipped back over to Onions to see if Vato's was open so I could buy a few sticks to smoke in the evenings. They were closed. Again. I think I've gone over five or six times in the past few trips and they never seem to be open. I think it's been four and a half years since I've been in there. Perhaps it's an evening business, not a lunchtime business. I made a mental note to try yet again at night.

I decided to check out the Cadillac of Taco Take Out Deals (as droolingly described in Golden Nugget Las Vegas Bargains) and grab some grub at the Cadillac Mexican Kitchen & Tequila Bar (formerly the Cadillac Mexican Eat-in Kitchen Open Concept Living/Dining Close to Schools Shopping & Tequila Bar, on the site of the former El D'Oro Golden Cadillac Mexican Kitchen Bar & Cadillac Tequila Bar and Tattoo Parlor el Grande du Fromage UNH!).

Let me tell you, I will never ever learn. It is the kiss of fucking death when they say it is going to be 10 minutes for your food and you are pretty much 1 minute from a casino bar, because you will go to that very bar with the idea that you will play a hand or perhaps two of quarter video poker and you will order an ice cold beer which you think would be a great fucking pairing with your take-out food but instead you will play dollar video poker and the bartender will be busy and you will barely get your ice-cold beer just as your money runs out and you will find that just as your fucking take-out food is ready you are standing there back in line, back where you started nine minutes ago, with a one hundred dollar bottle of ice cold beer with two slugs gone out of it. The worst part? Michelob Ultra.

I hauled my discount tacos and one hundred dollar bottle of ice cold beer up to my Golden Club room and ate.

The tacos were okay I guess but not as good as I've had. The tortillas themselves seemed like they had been good once but perhaps had been microwaved and were overly chewy and a bit dry.

I ordered a couple of Chicken Fajita tacos, two Tejas Carnitas tacos and a set of grilled vegetables. And a $100 beer.

The vegetables were pretty good and had been hot when put into the take-out box... hot enough to partially melt it a bit.

The chicken tacos were pretty good, and I really enjoyed the salsa, which had a deep red color and a steady solid heat to it. I wished I had a lot more of it. There were lots of fresh spices and garnishes on these babies but they had become lacklustre in the walk from the take-out window to my room. I suspect if eaten while hotter I would have enjoyed them more.

Also, I took time to lovingly photograph them, as depicted thus.

 The pork was a little tough and overly meaty-stringy as pork can get.

Another look at the sensuous tacos. Has a sexier food ever been invented since the corndog on a stick?
I ate all the vegetables, and spooned the fillings out of the tacos with a spoon after dunking them in the salsa. The tortillas just weren't worth the carbo-load cost.

I guess this is a mixed review. It seemed like the food had been assembled from bins and microwaved. I must try the in-person version of this place and see how it is.

All that strenuous eating had made my chin sloppy and my tongue sore, so I required a nap. The first day after a long travel day is always kind of tough, you just sort of ache all over.

After crashing for a while, I played some more, here and there in the Nugget, not really getting much of anything. Still.

I got a text from Blonde saying they were going to eat at Magnolias. I didn't think twice. I welcomed those friendly faces and a distraction from the incredibly bad day I was having.

We met up in the restaurant. I had the rib eye with hash browns as did Kodidog. Blonde had the Punchbowl Salad, which is served in a punch bowl and contains the contents of an entire row from Albertsons produce department.

The rib eye steak, frankly, sucked. I didn't want to complain in front of my guests, and I didn't want to complain to the waitress that calls me Baby, but my foot was making scratching motions. I think this filly filet placed last. It was gristly, tough, and not that tasty. I'm kind of surprised because Magnolias generally serves up an excellent food value with tasty well-prepared meals under ten bucks. The steak was $15 and so not worth it. I suspect the prime rib would have been a better choice. So skip steak at Magnolia's.
Punchbowl Salad
Punch-in-the-head Ribeye
After dinner the ladies wanted to play at the bar, and I thought that was a capital idea. We grabbed the last three spots right next to Fremont street. That has to be one of the single best places to play video poker in all of Las Vegas, particularly in the evening. We had a blast but I chewed through a couple of hundred on the quarter double double progressive and got absolutely nothing.

Back over at Vato's, Chomp was running the store, which was finally open! I told him what I thought I wanted in a cigar. I'd done a bit of research and figured I wanted something with a smaller diameter with a bit of spice to it, like these Dominican ones I used to get in Vancouver back in another lifetime.

Chomp showed me a rack of tobacco products, laid out high and low like rows and rows of lung ammunition. He used a bunch of words I didn't understand. The Connecticut wrapper filler binder triple-aged spicy 44 gauge torpedo apparently is shaped exactly like the space between Marilyn Monroe's breasts.

I ended up taking a selection and Chomp offered to cut them for me. "Punch, traditional, or V cut?" he asked.

I wondered if my father had been offered so many choices when I was but a baby.

"I have a cutter, Chomp, but do one with the V cut so I can see what it's like," I said, in a manner akin with someone who would even be able to tell any kind of difference between a V cut cigar and sucking on the Deuce bus tailpipe.

Happy with my purchases, I headed back to the Nugget. I played some crappy Super Times Pay and lit one of my cigars. (Well, why light two?). I played that for a while, but eventually, it dumped. I went to the bar and had a few, played $100 in 50 cent Bonus Poker. Then $100 in dollar Boner Deluxe. Then $100 in dollar Double Double. Clutching at straws.

One hand that, for some reason, pissed me off, by itself, more than my day... I held a single Jack and up popped a flush, which was also four to a Royal. I don't know why it bothered me so much. I guess because it was such a longshot deal, it might as well have been a Royal, but instead it taunted me.

I had one more thing on the agenda. Even though I was down a shitload, I had promised myself the $100 on $25 pulls at 9/6 Jacks or Better.

Lightning could strike. Who knew? I had to try.

May I remind you that although I was showered in royals in October/November 2014 (the No Kickers trip), I had had none at all in our January foray into the world of Las Vegas casino video poker gambling.

A $5 VP royal is a cool $20,000. My opinion is always... why not me. Someone's going to get one, why not me?!

Or I might get a quad or something. That would be fantastic.

Well, I came close. This close.

Dealt four to a straight flush, I get the 4 of spades instead of the 9 and its $1250. But no. It all went away.

I didn't know what to do, at that point. I actually found myself wandering in circles, steamed. I was kind of hungry, but couldn't figure out what I wanted. Went down to the Claim Jumper, looked at the menu, left. Wandered. Steamed some more. Then I hit on the idea of the Grille. I ordered a buffalo chicken sandwich to go. When it was ready, I scurried up to my Golden Club room in the Golden Tower. Now I know how they pay for all that golden.

The sandwich was super salty but fucking delicious. Really, really tasty. Just what I wanted. I wolfed it down and hit the sack around 11:00.

This day reminded me in a very brutal way that you can never, ever, ever let your guard down at gambling, particularly when you are risking a larger rather than smaller percentage of your bankroll. I sort of know how these things go, you play, you lose some, you win some, it comes back mostly eventually.

Except when it doesn't. You always have those off days maybe one or two a trip where the gambling pretty much does nothing but go down down down.

I'd played dollars, hard, all day, and had only gotten three quads for my efforts, all of which got blown back rather quickly.

There's nothing for it but to admit I did a pretty stupid thing today, right at the start of the trip, and let myself get into one fuck of a hole.

Day: -$1700
Trip: -$2200

What the hell was I going to do?


    1. You'll make a comeback Royal. I feel it in my bones. CHEER UP!

    2. thanks for doing this, look forward to every post, every trip, hanging on every word

    3. I did the same thing on my December trip. Went degenerate the first night (good thing I arrived at midnight or it would have been worse) and then on full day one, went beyond any degeneracy I have ever visited before and the bulk of my stash for the entire trip was gone. Hopefully your luck will pick up!

    4. Connie, Anonymous, jennifer, thanks for your support!


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