Do the Jacks or Better Time Warp (Again)

Day 4 - Thursday - Part 3

The next Jacks session went okay. All my freeplay was gone, so I played on cash, but hit a few quads to keep me going, and lots of almost Royals. I call these Royal Scares. It's because of the adrenalin hit when you see most of a royal appear and the additional adrenalin hit when you are fucking pissed off that yet again you have not gotten a royal.

When break-time came after doing 200 of my needed 1500 points, I was $100 ahead. And, a couple of things were on my mind. I had to do the room switcheroo with my crap, for starters. The Four Queens had my room ready and gave me the keys. I went up and checked it out.

South tower. Okay, good. It's quieter. And its newer (in the same way a Stegosaurus is newer than a Tyrannosaurus).

Looked to be at the end of the hall. And it was. But not a suite as usual. No, this time, it was the smallest room on the floor, with some of its real estate taken up by the stairwell. And it was as close to the Fremont Street bandstand as you could get. I felt a headache coming on already.

The other thing on my mind was this...

With a long trip stretching out in front of me, I had to make sure I would have enough available cash to last. I didn't want to take a marker at the Nugget on a day when I wasn't staying and playing there - same for Boyd. Taking a marker on a day with no play might screw up my daily coin in average.

I had to suck it up and face facts. I had to take another marker, and I had to take it now. I put on a sweater adorned with a bold zig-zag line across he front, lowered my head, and shuffled my feet all the way from the Avis booth at the Four Queens to the Golden Nugget Golden Cage, while small people along the way said things like, "Way to fuck up, Royal Flusher",  and "You're a blockhead, Royal Flusher!". Even my dog Chippy, perched on top of her doghouse, a bowl spinning on her nose, refused to look at me.

I took a $2000 marker. The cashier, Lucy the Lunchbag, slapped my wrist, wagged her finger at me, made me sign, gave me the money, and surprised me with a slap on the rump on my way out.

I did my best to enjoy the slap on the rump, usually I pay extra for that in a cashier 'party'. I was lucky - last time I took a marker I was kicked squarely in the peanuts.

At least I got something out of my $2100.

Up in the Golden Club Room in the Golden Tower, I packed my stuff up. I grabbed half a bushel of apples and about ten of them little waters on my way out and stuffed them in my bag. One never knew when a thirsty apple craving might come on, and this was my last chance to pillage the hallway petri treats.

Next stop, more dollar Jacks play at the Four Queens, after dumping my stuff in the (puny) room.

On the way, I saw some Vegas Dogs, which cheered me. I took a picture and sent it to Mrs. Flusher.

These Vegas Dogs have just spotted a hot bitch in dognet stockings. Gives them a milk bone.

In the 39 feet between the Golden Nugget and the Four Queens, I noted that it was an incredibly beautiful day in Vegas - one that I would spend pretty much strapped to a Jacks or Better upright. Yes, I'd have an IGT Gameking strapped between my legs and I would ride that fucker for all I was worth. Like that.

Ride, ride, ride that fucker, I'd cry. Ride it hard!

Yes, that's the sexy, manly world of semi-professional video poker.

My offers at the Four Queens looked like this:

Offer 1: $300 freeplay, $50 food comp at Magnolia's, room for 3 nights.
Offer 2: $200 freeplay, room for 3 nights.

I booked a total of 3 nights, using both offers. And the host, Nicky the Chameleon, said he'd bumped that $200 freeplay up to $300 where it belonged.

So lunch at Magnolia's consisted of a pizza ordered from the Chicago Brewing Company. The $50 comp didn't cover Chicago, but if you order a pizza in Dragnolia's, that's where it comes from.

I said hello to Mini Madonna, who swung her bleach blonde ponytail to and fro when she delivered ice water, and whose black eyebrows framed those piercing Mini Madonna eyeballs. I wondered how long she'd worked at Slagnolia's, because I'd never seen her before this trip. And I'm practically an institution there. They oughta name a dirty napkin after me.

Magnolia's Flushie-Selfie

As usual, the pizza was a round fucking beauty. I ordered pretty much every vegetable they have, plus sausage, and extra sauce. I mostly ate the toppings and sauce and skipped the crust. Who could eat an entire 16" pizza on their own, anyway? Maybe I over-ordered, but I did the pizza justice by skipping all those carbs.

Yes this was every bit as good as it looks!

After lunch, I thought a libation was in order, so instead of resuming Jacks play, I gave in to weakness and lumbered over to the Mike's bar to get caught up with... Philly Flyer Mike, of course. We had a great time shooting the breeze and making jokes while I lost money - about $140 on the quarter Double Double Bonus (no quads) and another $100 or so on 50 cent Double Double. No quads. Shit. I played almost every machine on the south side of the bar and when I got to the end, it was time to go back and strap a 6/9 between my legs, like I promised you.

I put the last $100 of my pre-Marker stake in and went at it. It was a long grueling session, two and half or three hours of solid play. I hit a few fella's along the way:

When I reached my planned $12K coin in, I still had a few bucks on the meter, so I switched to the Quad Queens card. I finished up with about $8K coin in on her card. Total $20,000 of coin in, $4,000 short of my goal

I'd burned through $300 of her freeplay, $300 of my freeplay, and $500 in cash. Between us we had almost $700 comp dollars that I could use for crustless pizzas until I fucking died.

It was about 6:30pm. I ached. I wanted a Royal.

I couldn't see straight. My fingers hurt. My back hurt and I was having weird spasms here and there in it. When I tried to walk, I looked like I was doing the Time Warp.

There was no way I could do their stated requirement of $12K coin in per card to keep the $300 freeplay offers coming. And at this point, nor did I want to, unless the royals came.

As I limped away, I had to seriously consider whether a vacation player can do an advantage play with such limited casino time per year, and limited bankroll (emotionally) for dollar play.

I had to admit, perhaps it was time to burn the bridges at the Four Queens.