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Monday, June 1, 2015

Godspeed, Flushiepants

Day 4 - Thursday - Part 2

As you may have surmised from the previous post about the Four Queens offers and freeplay and such, not only was today Thursday... but it was also moving day.

So, I got up fairly early at the Nugget, grabbed a Golden Club coffee in one of the gilt disposable cups. They really are something, these disposable cups, they have that genuine 10K gold filigree I mentioned.... I wonder why I keep throwing them away? Anyway, I grabbed a coffee and went to see if my host (John Submarine) was around. He wasn't but I talked to the host on duty, a very nice woman named Valve Stem Vera.

I hadn't played super-heavy at the Nugget, but I had sustained pretty heavy losses, obviously.

After looking me up on the computer, she granted me 2pm late check-out (which I thought was really great) and picked up all my meal charges which included two Claim Jumper meals, take-out tacos, a buffet, and a $50 Grotto meal. Maybe $130 or so?

So, to recap, I had three nights in a Golden Club Golden Tower room comped, value maybe $80 a night, so $240 plus $130 in meals, or $370. I had also played $110 of Mrs. Flusher's freeplay, and had $30 of my own on my offer. And, I'd played off another $10 of freeplay on both our cards, from points. Grand total was around $500. And all it cost me was a couple of thousand in losses!

The coin in was about $5K on the Quad Queen's card and about $11K on mine. Total $16K and I got about $500 of comps and freeplay out of it. This is starting to approach what I get at the Four Queens for quite a bit more coin in. And its a better hotel by far. All these things are weighing up in the Flushmeister's steel trap of a mind... and then pretty much immediately forgotten, since the trap has long since sprung and rusted shut.

All in all, I was very happy with the Nugget experience. I really enjoyed the hotel.

Next stop, the Four Queens, where it was time to face off against the dollar Jacks or Better machines by the cashier's cage.

But first, I had a chat with Mrs. Flusher about how to handle different contingencies.

"I'm in one hell of a hole already this trip, and I haven't even walked into the Four Queens yet," I said. "How deep are we willing to go to do this play?"

"Play my freeplay first and see how it goes. If you can get the needed coin in or close to it, great."

"What if it is gone in 20 minutes?" I whined.

"In that case, switch to your free play. Try and do your coin in."

"So... if I run out of free play on your card... and I haven't done the planned coin in... "

I left the question hanging, like an aging side of beef swinging from a steel hook, an triple-A carcass that had lost its freeplay, and I left it hanging there, aging there, for what seemed like three weeks. It was actually only about 8 seconds... but it seemed like three weeks, in beef years.

"Save yourself, Flushiepants," she said. "Save yourself. Just leave me a shot of Jameson and an old players card in a cave somewhere... and walk to safety."

It was sad but I knew she was right. If we weren't willing to risk enough bankroll to keep this rolling on both cards, it only made sense to cut her loose and hope for the best. The play only works if you win sometimes...

"But... but... I can't just leave your card..."

"You have to. We can't drop another couple of thou just chasing this offer. If it isn't happening, it isn't happening."

"Well, if I start winning and do my coin in, I'll go back to your card as long as it isn't costing much. How about that?"

"Agreed. Godspeed, Flushiepants. Godspeed."

I started with the Quad Queen's March/April freeplay which was indeed $200, as per the mailed offer. As mentioned, I needed to do (gulp) 1500 points on each of our cards. It's $8 a point, total $12,000 coin in on each card. Good thing I was getting an early start. But man, I'd need a lot of luck.

I got a few quads early, which was nice. Things looked promising but I had an awful long way to go. It was six or seven hours play on a very uncomfortable upright, so there was a physically demanding aspect to it, not to mention the monetary risk around the play.

Try as I might, the last of the credits from the Quad Queen's $200 drained away to nothing. I looked at the meter. I'd done 400 points of the 1,500 point goal. Ugh. Not an auspicious start.

Time for a break and breakfast at Magnolia's. Mini Madonna poured me a cup of hot java. She also poured me a cup of hot joe, and a cup of hot coffee. I pondered for what seemed like 0.923 milliseconds (which was about 3 days in hanging side of beef years) before ordering (I know you have all been waiting for this moment...!) Country Fried Steak and Eggs (over hard), Lovingly Bathed in Patent Pending Country Throw-up Gravy.
Patent Pending Country Throw-up Gravy
Back at the Jacks, I started slogging through it again, this time on my freeplay and on my card.

But no miracles were happening, other than ending up with four to a Royal a bunch of times. God it was annoying to come close so often.
Fuck off, video poker. Fuck off and stay fucked off!
I did a decent amount of play but had only $100 of my freeplay left when it was break time again. I was pretty glad because this was shaping up to be another dollar debacle. Nothing was hitting.

My buddy Jeff, who I call Turbospeed, was passing through town and we headed up to Chicago Brewing Co. to lounge around (in their lounge) and shoot the shit for an hour or so.

He'd had a good couple of days, hitting two dollar royals. When it rains, it pours, right? Because clumping.

(I have a theory that big hands have a tendency to clump and when you get one, you should think about getting three or four. The fall 2014 trip exhibited royal flush clumping in a big way, with the Quad Queen and I getting eight between us.)

We talked over various plays and strategies and he mentioned he was thinking perhaps of getting established at one of the other casinos downtown that I'd mentioned had full pay dollar Boner Deluxe.

I had to head to the Avis booth for noon and pick up a rental car (I'm pretty strong, for a degenerate). So we said so long.

"So long, Turbospeed," I said.

"So long, Royal Flusher," he said.

Like that.

I also checked at the front desk to see if my room was cleaned - it was not. I'd have to come back. Time to do more points. See how this was feeling like a job instead of a vacation? It always does when you aren't winning.

Just as I sat down to play, my piPhone 3.14 emitted 10 seconds of the Jackie Moosreiner Moose in Heat call that Jimmy Poon had programmed to sound every time I get a text. It was from Turbospeed.

He'd stopped to play some dollar Boner Deluxe to see if he could get a $400 quad. Just to test it out. Just kinda screwing around, for fun.

The text was followed by a photo of a $4000 Royal Flush! Way to go Turbospeed, my friend!

I was really happy for him. Clumping!!!

But honestly? I felt kind of jealous in a way that makes you ashamed. He needed it too, and got it. And I needed it. And he had it. And I didn't have it. And he made it seem so easy, when meanwhile, I hadn't had a royal in six months. Would I rather I had the royal flush than he? Did I really want to know the answer to that question? Would I crawl over my own grandmother to get $5 in keno freeplay at the El Cortez? In a Flusherville minute, damn right I would!

Turbospeed texted me some advice: "Keep pushing the buttons and play your best game and good things will eventually happen."

It was the same advice I'd given him when he was in a drought.

If anything, I was more determined than ever to get my hands on a royal flush, somehow. With the car sorted, I went back to work at the dollar jacks.


    1. So, got to ask-- did The Golden Nugget charge you a resort fee on your comped room?

    2. Nope, not a dime for my room. No resort fee, no 12% room tax, no meals. Thank goodness they threw me a bone after I got reamed in their casino!


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