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Tuesday, June 23, 2015

La Crotchi Designer eSushi

Day 9 - Tuesday - part 3
Look up at Luxor
I felt really good after my hike up the canyon (which means something very different in Pahrump).

At one point I gave myself so many more minutes to move further in, after which I'd turn around, no matter what. Kind of like being in the death zone atop Everest. It's the trip back down that kills you.

But I got in as far as one is able to go, up into the throat of the thing. I felt good, I felt a sense of accomplishment. It was cool being out there all alone... it wasn't a huge challenge to do this, but it took some effort. I was exposed, it was hot, and breezy, and I had just a little food with me, and no more water, but I had a goal.

I sort of... I could feel the wilderness challenging me a little bit in a primal way. I'm sure many people have been challenged a lot more than that, but - it felt real. It felt more challenging than trying to find a good parking spot, or trying to find a dollar for the valet guy. Those are the modern-day challenges, like finding something on sale.

I drank a significant portion of the emergency water that I'd conveniently left behind in the parking lot. What was interesting was that the top part was warm and the bottom cold - and I could sense both temperatures in my mouth at the same time.
I always feel lucky when I see a dog in Vegas.
Back at Luxor, I rose to the wilderness challenge of valet parking. I was pretty hungry, so I went to the bar to get an ice cold Lucky Heineken. Man did that taste great. I really felt like I'd earned it, too.
Luck post-wilderness Heineken.
A strange thing happened at the bar... there were quite a few people, but they weren't swamped or anything, but the customers had a very difficult time getting a drink. I don't know what was wrong with the barkeep, but he just seemed to never get back to the back half of the bar, and when he did, he didn't take orders or serve anyone. I had a guy stand next to me for a good 10 minutes trying to buy a beer. And this is in the middle of the afternoon.

I played for a while - put in $40 and took out $60 and two Heinies.

One of the beers made it back to my room - it was a much better scenario than that time at the Golden Nugget with the tacos!

Room camping lunch was delicious. I had bits of this and that and a portion of the 4 pound archeological dig salad bucket I'd put together. And the beer, of course. I had some brie, and then rolled around on the carpet, gnawing on the Fred Flintstone short ribs. I got on all fours and kind of held the ribs between my hands. I'd get the side of my face in there and gnaw away, occasionally switching sides. When that was done, I had to floss pretty much my entire head.

After the sun, the exercise, the beer and the food, I crashed. Not badly, only for half an hour, to recharge a bit. Very refreshing.

Down at Starbucks, I got yet another fancy coffee, this time in the name of Ace Wanquer. I spelled it out and they still didn't get it right on the cup. Didn't matter, the innards were brown and white and hot a delicious.

In Luxor's casino, I tried some super times pay and got this...
but you know how fast those credits can go at 18 a pop.

Then I went from machine to machine to machine to machine playing $20 at a time on quarters or 50 cents. But each machine just kept draining on me. I even tried that crazy Blackjack Bonus game and won enough to parlay on it.

After switching to 50 cent Bonus Poker, I got a quad, parlayed to dollars, and worked it up to $140. I thought, good, I'll play dollars for a while.
I bounced around from $140 down to almost nothing, and between dollars and 50 cents, back up to $140, and then in three minutes, it was gone. How does that happen??!! So aggravating.
Attempt number seven from 4-to-a-Royal - Unsuccessful.
So what to do? Nothing is hitting? Get out of there, that's what. I headed down the big mallway hallway to Mandalay Bay. Destination Triple Play. Yay!

On one spectacular hand, I was held a single Ace and got four Aces out of it. I fumbled the picture and missed it, so I took this stupid picture as a place-holder. It's kind of weird because I got Aces from one a few days previously.

I did all right on Bonus Poker for a while, and after making some dough, I decided to flip over to Double Double. Here we go again, high volatility, triple play, swing for the fences.

Welcome to Loserville, population Flusher.

See that up there???? See that? That's ACES KICKER!!!!!!!!!!!!! Holy shit, what a welcome sight, let me tell you.


Can you tell I was excited? Hell yes I was!
I played on a bit and cashed out a ticket for $600. Then I put in another $100 to try to keep it going, but it eventually drained. But what a nice winning session it was, and how welcome was Aces Kicker!

The plan was to eat a nice dinner but I really didn't know what to have. It seems like there's nothing to eat at Luxor. I went to Tender and asked about a table but it was going to be a long wait, and I wasn't sure I wanted all the fuss and bother.

I think I was Crankyflushy from my Big Day.

You know how it is in a casino when you are really tired, really thirsty, (half in the bag from triple play drinks), really hungry, and you start to wander aimlessly around evaluating whether or not you want to eat at Momma Mia Bunker-Oil Burning Oven Fired Lasagne and Szechuan, or maybe La Crotchi Designer eSushi or some fucking thing.

So fuck, should I go, yet again, to the shitty food court in Luxor? It was either that or room camping food again. That would be the lowest of the low of what winners eat, so I firmly placed my boot one full broken rung above it.

Even at the food court, I circulated for 15 minutes like a seventh grader going up and down the line of girls to figure out which one to ask to dance.

I really would not have Scottish food again. No no no. I just couldn't. And I didn't want to have to make 500 decisions in one of those 'build a sandwich on a stick' places. No no no. (I didn't want to go to Rehab either, for that matter.)

So, fuck it, I ordered up some chicken tenders and some Clucking Fury Chicken Tender and Olde Style Persimmon Beere stand or some fucking thing. (I think I may have been over served at MB.)

I went for the 5 piece dinner. Eleven bucks. They gave me one of those Vibro-radio thingies that light up and rattle their way off the table when your time has come, as it were.

They seemed to be taking something resembling actual pieces of chicken, and dredging them in some sort of chicken coating and then doing something I didn't expect.

Cooking them.

Made to order. Hmm.

Okay. I spent some time filling my pockets with pilfered Nathan's Hot Dog's condiments, straws, napkins and so on, and then waited it out until my pocket pool buzzer went to Defcon Five, meaning my choke-your-chicken tenders were ready to go. I traded the fancy-ass beeper for the chicken and made my way to base camp, in the West Tower.

Holy. Shit.

These things were sooo good! They were like, so light, the batter was just, yummy and crispy. Everything was still hot and fresh. Crispy. Juicy. Tasty. The fries were cut potatoes, but were meh, but the chicken was amazing - about a billion calories, but who cares. I ate all five pieces. I didn't stop to take pictures, I just stuff my face. (And what a relief not to have to eat on the carpet!).

The place is called, brilliantly, Original Chicken Tender Company.

I'd thought this was a large fast slow-food chain from some part of the US I've never been, or maybe new or something, and that's why I'd never heard of it before. But it seems, from their website, that they only have a few locations - in Luxor, MGM Grand, and Monte Carlo.

By the way, guys at the Chicken place? Your website... needs work. There are no pictures of the TENDERS!!!! And your mission statement blows. It's all 'through strategic investment analysis we aim to maximize our satisfaction with our experience and employee entrepreneur cooking chicken factors blah blah blah'... No, you've lost site of the ball.

You have a winning product. Your mission is clear. "We will make unbelievably delicious fresh-cooked chicken tenders and blow our drunken customers heads off with tastebud-fucking delight."

I really ought to get a job in food marketing.

Tastebud-fucking Delight, that's the ticket.

Day: +$200
Trip: -$2940

I'd managed a winning day, plus $200 on the day. It wasn't enough. Not when you are down $3K.

The bottle of Veuve Cliquot taunted me from the bar fridge, using the method champagnoise.


Here's a picture of the chicken tenders, from Vegas Chatter, who did a write-up of the Luxor Food Court.
Vegas Chatter managed a picture of the chicken tenders, where I failed. Because eating.


    1. YIPPEE for Aces Kicker!!!!

    2. bout time you discovered the Savvy Chicken Tender secret of Las Vegas.....


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