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Sunday, June 14, 2015

Watch Your Coccyx, Luxor

Day 7 - Sunday - part 4

I love Wynn and Encore. I really wanted to stay here this trip but with the fight and their calendar and my offers, I couldn't find any days that would work. Maybe I just should have paid $399 a night.

Maybe not.

I took some pictures of the carousel and flowers and crap and then headed for a dollar VP machine. Thought I'd drill some test holes in Steve Wynn.

$20 in. Four hands. Done.

Well, that was a non-event.

Found a kiosk of four quarter machines that had 7/5 Bonus Poker on them, which is as good as you are going to find at Wynn on low denoms.

Played a $20 in machine number one. And then $20 in machine number two. And then $20 in machine number three. And then $20 in machine number four. And I thought if I go back to machine number one I'm going to get fucking dizzy and fall off my chair.

So, another $20 in machine number four.

It did marginally better, but still drained away. This wasn't good at all. I was hoping to sit and play for a couple of hours and do a decent amount of coin-in and thus win money and get great offers in the future.

And then for some stupid reason (the stupid reason being that I had no more $20 bills handy) I put an entire hundy in there, going against the hard-learned instincts for self preservation of my cash.

I played and it wasn't really great. I got down to about the last quarter of the hundy and finally started to get some hands. It was as if the machine came alive. I like it when that happens.

I parlayed to 50 cents and started to hit a few hands.

Now we were getting somewhere. I managed to Facetime the Quad Queen who was stuck back home, and she was able to watch me play. I even got a third quad while she was on the blower and thus forgot to get a picture of it.

[phantom quad picture goes here]

I got to play and play and play and play, for a good couple of hours. I was getting super hungry for lunch and wanted to get checked into Luxor before I ate, so it was time to go.

Yes, I cashed out money! I guess I lost $20 at Wynn but I did $4400 in coin-in and had a great couple of hours. And every hand played is a hand closer to that elusive Royal that surely must come, right?

Backtracking to the Dinq, I quickly found the 'real' way through the casino to the parking garage. All I can say is thank God I parked right against the back wall, and thank God for car remotes that make the horn sound.

I took the back roads on the east side of the strip, crossed Trop on Koval and did that fun little dipsy doodle where East Reno turns into West Reno, across the strip, and into the ancient driveways of Luxor.

Luxor is Egyptian for 'thousands of coccyx-breaking speedbumps'. Now, why didn't they just call the resort 'thousands of coccyx-breaking speedbumps?' Apparently 'Luxor' rolls off the tongue better. My God, there must have been, well, thousands of them. Every 8 feet there is a fucking speedbump. You could churn butter just by driving a lap in that place.

Now, the parking structure is interesting. Most parking structures go up five or eight levels and have a footprint of maybe half the size of a football field. Not Luxor. Take all that parking and spread it out on just two levels, with a footprint the size of all of Michigan Stadium. Including its parking.

Shall I get on with it? Of course there were no spots in the shaded part and I gave up and went to the upper deck and parked pretty much in one of the last rows. The last rows of the Luxor parking structure are so far away from the hotel that they are actually on the other side of the Interstate.

Why oh why oh why didn't I valet park.

So I dragged my stuff all that way and along the walkway by the pool and finally into the great pyramid itself.

Back home, back to the first place we ever stayed in Vegas!

There's a weird setup when you walk in from the parking structure that I've never, ever understood.

You are on sort of a landing. To the right is a long sloping walkway that takes you down to the casino, and also stairs beside that going down as well.

To get to the attractions level up above, you go down about seven or eight steps, walk ten feet, and then get on an escalator.

Did they simply fuck this up back in the day and order the wrong escalators or something? Maybe it had something to do with the old Nile River Ride. Maybe not. I'd love to know, I've always wondered about this.

At the desk, I used the MILF check-in line because somehow I still have Pearl status, which is just good enough to skip the regular line. I'd booked a Tower Deluxe room and I worked a little savvy Flusher magic with a carefully palmed $20 bill and got put into some thing called, at least I think she said it was, a Tower Player Casino Deluxe Premium Room. West tower, off I went.

And the room was pretty good. I actually didn't know if it was any better than the Tower Deluxe room I'd booked. Well, see for yourself.

No cannonballing in this tub!
Love that it has a couch and a work area. I could blog from here!

Having gotten ensconsed, it was time for lunch... at 5:00pm. Vegas.


    1. Is this really true? the very first (almost) full body picture of His Royal Flusherness himself? Quite blurry mirror shot - but none the less.

      Thank you for your entertaining reading over the years.

    2. Yes, that's him! He looks just like I've always suspected. Stunning.


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