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Friday, July 3, 2015

Slow Shock Quick Surprise

Day 12 - Friday - part 2

Today was another one of those days with people placed on earth just to annoy me. People were just on my case today. I'm playing in the alcove in the morning, minding my own business, and these two people sit down on the other side of the railing, down a few steps and right at my elbow, and start yak, yak, yak, yaking. I'm thinking, well its annoying but they have a right to be there and I have a right to be here.

After about twenty minutes of blah blah blah one of them, out of the blue, turns to me and flaps her arms and squawks, "ARE YOU SMOKING????" (I wasn't.)

I look at her and go, "What if I am?"

Crikey! Then, "What if I was smoking, what would you say to me?"

Not the morning to be hassling Flushie Grumpypants.

I drilled six or seven test holes in different machines and got nothing. What was happening??? I played $21 in Burning Itching Sevens. Nothing.

Then I kind of went on a stupid tilt. I put $100 in a dollar slot, ordered a beer, and played until it was gone. And then I slammed $100 into dollar VP and it was gone in no time. I'd found myself doing the same things that had ruined the first day of the trip, throwing hundies away like fall leaves in a strong wind.

All of my winnings from the morning were gone.

I texted the Quad Queen: "I am up $1.25 on the day".

What to do, what to do?

Keep going, that's what.

And it was quite a mix of being dealt things that didn't pan out, like 4-to-a-Royal or three Aces on triple play (attempts number 12, 13 and 14 for the trip). Hitting some quads, blowing it back.

Eventually my luck turned but I had turned this winning day into a loser.

Here's the cavalcade of quads from the session. In there I moved around a lot, tried the Loose Doose some, and so on. It's all pretty mundane, for high-stakes gambling.

In the middle of all this, Annoyance Central dispatched another beauty to harrass me. I'm playing triple play and this guy walks by and then checks out the nickel machines to my left. This guy looks weird. He is drenched in cologne. He looked like a Greek caveman. He had this fucked up Gene Simmons hairsprayed hair, and he looked like an Egyptian Barney Rubble. And he stank.

And this guy wanders back and stops and stands right on my quarter, right behind me and to my left where I can see him in my peripheral vision. Looking right over my shoulder. Watching me.

I play one hand and wait. He's still there, watching me, adjusting the string on his Egyptian Barney Rubble suit. I can't take it. I turn.

"Do you want something?... What is it?"

He mumbles something about something or other. I turn back to the machine.

And he's STILL THERE. Like four inches off my port elbow. I just stop playing. I wait like 10 seconds.

I turn and glare at him and finally he sort of trundles off with his foot-pounding gait, dragging a cartoon club behind him.

Flushie Grumpy Grumpypants.

I was playing my ass off and just hoping I could somehow hit a home run. There are a LOT of opportunities with five play

Some of the better results I had was doing $2500 in coin in on just $40. Other times, the money just flew away.

Main Street Station

I broke for dinner but wasn't feelin' it. It was Seafood Night at the buffet, which I wasn't interested in, but I could use the Gold Card anyway, so I did and went in and got a table and made myself a kind of Mexican Slop Plate - you know, taco meat, five or six kinds of sloppy sauces, sour cream, cheese, baby's diaper refried beans. I had a piece of pizza and the crust was gooey. It was way under done. I had a piece of chicken that was dry.

I tried some crab legs. These were not the kinds that were split down the middle. I don't know. I have to take a fucking lesson in buffet crab leg eating or something because this was the most frustrating experience of my entire fucking life. I ended up with a plate mounded as high as Pike's fucking Peak with broken 3/4" long pieces of crab. It looked like someone had gone at a crab with some dynamite. Like, take ten crabs, blow them to kingdom fucking come, throw them on a plate, and then throw them away, still hungry. That's where I was at. These crab legs have these tiny incisions that I think you are supposed to use to break the things open, but then what? You've got a crab leg shard and the meat is still buried inside, inaccessible. So you break it again. And again. My hands at the end were fucking bloody and raw from trying to tear open these things like some primative fisherman. I had all this salty crab jizz running down my arms and pooling at my elbows. There were no crackers or anything, no chainsaws.

I don't know how the fuck you are supposed to eat these things. I worked at it for like half an hour and ended up with like an ounce of crab meat.

The best thing was dessert - a little teeny piece of cheesecake.

But overall, actually, I concluded, the Main Street Station buffet was, well, shitty.

Once it became clear that multi-play wasn't going to be the answer, I moved around some more, trying various machines.

I got another Kiss Your Sister Quad on the Loose Doose. Yes I got my scratch card.

I found myself tired, still strung out from the bad night, demoralized and turning a plus $500 day into a minus $500 day.

Things turn so quickly in video poker, its those swings that crush us and those same swings that bring us ecstasy. Slow shock, quick surprise. I guess its like eating hot peppers, it hurts but I can't stop doing it because it hurts so good!

I took the long walk across the bridge back to the Cal, my head hanging like Charlie fucking Brown. Now what?

I'd done the play I needed to for the day. I pondered all kinds of ideas and evaluated possible outcomes. I decided to play $120 more and see what I could do. Almost automatically I went back to the machines by the cage that I play a lot. Well, maybe 50 cent Double Double would be worth a try. Aces kicker, that would make a big difference, and no tax. I'd done it once at T.I.

The more I played the more pissed off I got. I was dealt three Aces twice, held my breath for nothing. Was dealt two Aces, got the kicker and a third Ace. Argh.

Kept playing.

And then I exclaimed, "HOLY FUCK!!!!!"

There it was, like magic, at long last, dealt to me.

My largest win of the trip so far!

It was a hand pay and I was happy to tip $20 on it. I got a shirt coupon too.

Champoon, anyone?!

Day: +$440
Trip: -$1860

It was two days in a row I'd had a decent win. My trip loss was now under $2000. This was really something. And in my little envelope in the safe, I had all of the cash from the $2K marker from the Nugget. And I had tomorrows stake in my wallet.

It seemed like maybe, just maybe I could turn it around. A dollar Royal would pretty much turn my trip into a winner.


    1. Why a hand pay on a 1000 dollar jackpot? I thought that most casinos had done away with that. Man they sock it to Canadians with the deductions. The whole VP/IRS thing is ridiculous with the 1200 dollar W2G. I've had a number of those on losing trips-many times. 1200 dollars can last as little as an hour when dollar VP goes south.

      1. I don't know why the Cal does this, but at least they give you a t-shirt for your trouble. No tax is taken off of course, until you hit $1200. It's worrisome that the IRS is considering lowering the W2G/1040NR limit when in fact they should be raising it!!!

    2. Damn dealt. Nice.

      I've had dealt aces with a kicker on triple play 2x. Once on quarters, once on dimes.
      Nice that it was at the prefect spot of 50-cent taxes but better then $500.

      On crab legs...they usually offer some crab splitters (a piece of plastic that opens the crab legs up about the size of a knife). Also, I got my crab lessons in New Orleans at a buffet. The guy said to use a straw to get the meat out of the crab leg. It works.

    3. A lot of places its a cash control issue, or the machines are set to handpay on anything over a set amount of coins. Alot of the older slots, even though they have been converted to TITO still are programmed to HP on certain coin amounts. Its not unusual for progressives under 1200 to be hand pays.

    4. Booyah grandma! The universe paying you back for crab leg and bozo trouble! Keep it Rollin!!!!!


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